My life, My memory, My dream...

A Conversation...

2012-02-13T00:19:00.001+08:00

...not so fine, when there's more silence than talking. If only I could look through your eyes and understand you even without words exchanged. But, I couldn't do that. Your genie can only do this much - to call and say hi. I said I'll give up, and you asked "giving up so easily?". Well, it's not easy really. As much as I wanted to stay by your side, like how you stood by me when I thought I hit the floor hard, or when I decided to shun myself from the outside world - you are slowly creating distance between us.

I said I'll ignore you, but you replied with a mere "Oh". I expected that from you even before I said those words, but a little part in me wish that you would at least be upset or angry or even demand a why from me because it at least proves that you are feeling something, that you are not as lifeless as I see you these days. But then again, I know you too well to not do that.

Months ago, we had the same conversation. I asked if I leave, will you be heavy-hearted, you said you will. Today, I asked you the same question but the answer came as you will just lead life the same. At that time, tears came to my eyes because I do not know someone can trust me as much. Today, tears too came, realising that I've not made a change in you. I am sorry.

p/s: You've changed me. Although ~~only~~ a little, I am thankful for that.

Smile

2012-02-12T16:19:00.003+08:00

Isn't it lovely to discover this pinned on the notice board secretly by your beloved one on a gloomy morning? Isn't it a motivation to start your day ahead thinking that someone out there cares if you smile or not today?

For you my dear, I've smiled =)

I can smile, even if it's not easy at times.

Thought of the day: How sad if you are my only reason to smile now...

Party Theme: Pyjamas Night

2012-02-12T15:49:00.001+08:00

It's not easy to find a bunch of crazieeee friends, and it's even harder to get them kind and loyal despite being crazy. How could i not count my blessings if I own them, knowing they will be here if I need them. I couldn't count the number of times we had a gathering / party like this. But, I could count the number of times left for us to spend together. The day we met felt like yesterday, and in a blink of an eye... Graduation day is approaching. How many times more can we organise something like this?

Happpiieee Burffday, honeybee! =)

15 Days of Chinese New Year

2012-02-07T20:16:00.000+08:00

It's the water dragon year! Very quickly, CNY 2012 ended with me writing this while fireworks boom-ing outside my house. CNY is always about family, however there's a little too much of drama going on this year. Despite all this family feud, I find myself enjoying although not throughout the whole holiday, but most of it. CNY is about spring-cleaning, reunion, having feast, and gambling.

Wednesday (18/1), the night I had reunion dinner with Step G. This will be our last reunion dinner together as next year this time, we will all be in different places with different people. This is life, I guess. People move on leaving memories behind. No matter what happens, Step G. forever remains a family whom I'll never forget.

'Lou sang' - huat ahhh!

Friday (20/1) was the last day of work and school. Reunion dinner with the high school mates at Purple Cane Restaurant. Again, I had 'lou sang' with them plus a few rounds of after-dinner drinks. Sometimes, it's hard to believe that we had left high school for 7 years already. From carefree young teens to adults now with more responsibilities on the shoulders. I miss the high school life, without problems and never-ending laughter. Those were the best days in my life...

The only group photo =)

Sunday (22/1) is the day before CNY, the day I love the most - with family feast and temples-visiting. It is this time every year that all cousins come back home for reunion dinner, and catching up on stories of life we have missed on each other. As we grow older, lesser people made it to come back because most have family on their own. This tells me that I should appreciate time with the family, as when years gone by, I too will have a family of my own.

Monday (23/1), and the CNY starts. Everyday is about meeting the cousins, and going to relatives' place to 'bai nian'. Everynight is about movies and gambles. How I wish holidays do not end too soon, but wishes are always not realistic, no?

The promise: I missed you like how you wanted me to.

Mooodddyyyy

2012-02-03T02:26:00.001+08:00

I don't feel myself lately. I am happy at this second, then depressed at the next. I am constantly in need of other people and things to distract my attention. I am very much toned-down these days, not as excited as before. I don't jump in joy screaming even if I'm really, like really happy. Smile is the only one thing I can afford.

I was not aware of how emotional I am these days until when I was driving back home alone at late night. It was already midnight, that night when I was driving on an unfamiliar road, praying that I would not lost my way. But, it seems the more I fear, the chances of getting lost are higher. And finally, a wrong turning puts me into a place which I've never been before. I couldn't recognize the road ahead of me. I continued driving at a slow speed, searching for signboards. Then, I felt a lump in my throat and I know tears are gonna flow if I don't stop it in time. I stopped the tears from flowing and continued driving for another 30 minutes before I finally recognize my way home.

Until now, I still couldn't figure out why I had that sudden urge of tears welling in my eyes. I always get lost while driving (and never felt a thing) but why this time am I so fragile. I am usually not a timid person, am I?

Devil in disguise...

2012-01-22T00:41:00.000+08:00

is like wearing an angel's mask - generous and kind on the outside, manipulative and full of schemes inside. This is how I feel I am these days. I do things with motives in mind, trying to manipulate people and situations. Why am I not self-controlling?

Don't thank me for what I've done. I did not do it for you, it was for myself.

I am still an angel, a fallen one.

To go or not to go?

2012-01-16T04:28:00.002+08:00

Was browsing through dear's profile, and I had a sudden urge to look at our photos from Phuket trip. Fond memories flooded me during that brief recapping session, and then the next question popped into my mind - should I go to the upcoming Phuket trip with my beloved Step G. friends? My initial reason of not going was because I only went last year (the memories are still so vivid!), but I know going with Step G. will be a total different experience. This trip makes it extra meaningful from any of our other trips we had because it's Step G.'s first overseas trip + it's our last year together. After this, it's gonna be so difficult to have a get-together trip like this... :(

I still remember what I did on last May

Impulsive moment of the day: I logged into Airasia website and almost bought the air tickets to Phuket

To forget,

2012-01-14T01:53:00.000+08:00

is not an easy thing. If only unwanted memories can be erased from mind - like how I thrashed unwanted files to the bin from the hard disc, deleted songs I'm bored in my playlist, cleared those task lists in my phone. If only thinking of someone / something can be controlled, things wouldn't messed up. If only I could read your mind, I won't end up doing things that weren't supposed to be done. If only you could read my mind, you will know there's so little you need to do to make up my day. If only you could tell me how to communicate with you, what's in your mind - I promise I'll stop playing the guessing game, or maybe stop thinking about you.

Warning

2012-01-13T00:22:00.000+08:00

doesn't really works when my heart tells me otherwise. Can my mind have control over my heart? At least for this once...

Can Take No More

2012-01-10T01:48:00.001+08:00

The thought of moving out is again in my mind. I've tried to suppress this thought, and yet you brought it back. You always bring it back. You always wanted things to be done your way, and demanding all of us to follow - but how about our way? You never bother to ask about our feelings. And so, finally everyone compromised by trying to avoid you. But, I don't want it to be this way, at least myself won't do it. I'm the only one who are still trying to out up with you, with your endless demands, and trying to pull everyone together. I cannot give up because when I do, everything's gonna fall apart - as I'm the only one trying to hold on. Others are only just ignoring the root of the problem, while some avoid. I am so busy satisfying everyone, catering for others feelings and who's gonna take care of mine?

I am sorry if I couldn't meet your expectations, but did you know that I am more than heartache to see disappointment in your eyes?

You said we don't care about you, and your heart feels as cold as ice. But, if I don't care... Why do I shed tears?

Why can't you understand that we are all grown-ups and I have things to think about, stuff to complete. I need a private corner, and you being controlling is not helping.

So much I'm being tolerant, I couldn't deliver my best to you if you keep pushing me to the limits. I don't wanna do something I know I will regret for sure, so please spare me a little space. Just for a breather.

So says who, patience is virtue?

Fresh Change

2012-01-02T18:01:00.000+08:00

New year, new background. Pink, ribbons, stripes, and flowers for a change. =)

Walking Down The Memory Lane

2012-01-02T03:47:00.002+08:00

This is my 7th year into blogging. Blogging seems to be the perfect (only) place to express my unspoken thoughts, things I've learnt, and untold secrets. The past one year just glided through without me realising how fast time flies.As the old saying goes, "time waits for no man" - I believe so.

Everytime this year, I set myself in a nostalgic mood, recapping everything that had happened, reminding myself on the mistakes made, and each time I mark an ending on these recollections I tell myself to appreciate people around me no matter what happens. Last year was a difficult year. I had multiple car accidents (although all minor ones, but enough to drove me crazy). I also had bad relationships - from family to friends to personal. There were quarrels, arguments, tears and reconciliation. When it comes to studies, where I thought everything's gonna be fine because this is the only thing I can have control on my own, and yet I failed terribly in doing so. I have to admit that I shed a little too much of tears last year.

People had been asking me what are my new year resolutions. I tried to sit and think, but I couldn't come up with any and so I've decided I'm not gonna make resolutions for the sake of making them, but I'll have them as the time goes by. I'll just let things flow naturally, and I'll do whatever I want this year - as long as I'm happy with them (even sometimes I need to be a devil). I want to have control of my life, and I'm gonna tell myself "I'll be alright".

Because of all the bad things happened, I realise how simple happiness can be. Reaching to classes early morning safely without car accidents is a thankful event, a normal Sunday family outing is a bliss, late evening chats with my dear is lovely, outings with friends are happening, and having my BFF by my side when I fall is a blessing. Out of so many people, I somehow found comfort in you, in your warm hugs. Thank you bie.

To wrap up the last days of year 2011, the eve eve was spent with my dear. It was after her work and we had late night chattings while it was raining outside. The weather was cold, but our hearts were warm. Thank you dear for have staying by my side for so many years. I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't meet you at all. Thank you.

The eve was spent with my family and my ex. Unexpected. I should say the outing was unexpectedly good. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so relaxed going out with him, really I mean really treating him as a best friend. We talked about ~~the~~ our past, our present, and a little bit our future (separately, of course). I've never thought that broke up couples could hang out like us again, watching fireworks together (with so many other couples with us - I'm guessing we are the only ex couple) and the feeling is incredibly good. To this old friend of mine, you promised me a seat on your wedding day and I'll be counting you on that. Like I've always said you will forever remain as someone a little bit more important than the others, a little bit more special. Thank you for the past.

New year day was spent with my girls. A brief lunch we had, but enough to savour the moments alone in the restaurant with us being the only table. Laughter filled the air as we talked. This is the 4th year we are stepping into our friendship, and I know this will last as long as we live. Thank you honey and dear.

Last but not least, to this first post of year 2012, the people I am most thankful of - my family ♥

Untitled

2011-12-27T04:34:00.000+08:00

It's the first time in these 6 years, I have forgotten to be the first one to wish you Happy Birthday. I couldn't believe myself when I woke up this morning realising that you did not crossed my mind at all when the clock struck 12 last night. Last year, I almost forgot but didn't. This year I guess, you are finally out of my mind. I can finally stop feeling being obliged to be the first one to wish you every year. Although I did not wish you like every other years, I still hope that you had a great birthday because to me, you are always a little bit different from the others. A little bit more important, a little bit more special because you and I shared memories that others do not have. Happy Birthday, my old friend. May you have many many happy returns of the day, surrounded by your loved ones. =)

It's All About Christmas

2011-12-27T04:15:00.004+08:00

24th, The Eve

This year's eve wasn't planned at all. Dear and I only decided to meet up and then to follow the flow. Today started late - we said to meet by noon, but we ended up seeing each other at 7pm. Everywhere is full house at The Curve. Sis joined us for dinner, and due to her tight schedule we found an authentic Thai restaurant cum bar. I swear, that could have been on one of my top 5 list of worse dinner I've ever had. Not that the food tasted bad, but the music played almost burst my eardrums and the blinking lights (think of disco balls) got me into a headache. We ate as fast as we can and asked for the bill before I got myself deaf and blind on the eve. I can only say... This kind of ambience is only appropriate for clubbing, but not a dinner. Sister left after dinner, while dear and I went to shop around the flea market at The Street. Without realising, the clock strucked 12 and Christmas came. Our peaceful night came to a halt when friends called and asked to join them at Zouk. Then we clubbed the night away, with dear sleeping over at my place. Although things were unplanned, but we had great time together having each other as company.

Top: Candle light Xmas dinner with loud music & blinking lights, Bottom: We did ended up deafening ourselves at Zouk

25th, The Day

It all started days before Christmas came...

... and so, I've got a date as promised. I was looking for a peaceful day after the happening night on the dance floor on the night before. The day started slowly with a simple lunch together, and sharing a bowl of Snowflakes as we missed it weeks ago due to a small car accident (well, not that I want to recall it). Today is a relaxing day as I had wished, with little walking and watching 2 movies back-to-back. Being sleep-deprived, I was sleepy in the cold, dark cinema, but resting my head on your shoulder seems to have made me feel less tired. Both "Sherlock Holmes" and "New Year's Eve" were good, I couldn't decide which is better as they are of a different genre.

Our first experience of GSC Signature falls on a rainy Christmas night

*heart* receiving gifts - it's not about the value, it's the heart that counts =)

It took me such a long time to find you a right gift, and finally I chose a watch which I think will look good on you, while you gave me a bottle ~~full~~ filled with stars, and promised me a star a day. I told you repetitively that I want the bottle to be full with stars, and you told me to be patient and will fill them up slowly (at least wait till your fingers are recovered from all the injuries from folding all these little sweet things). But, to think again, if our days are gonna end when the bottle is filled up (we are gonna graduate someday and part ways and you no longer will make me stars), I suddenly wish that the bottle cannot be filled full... I am not ready for a farewell, yet.

Just like that, Christmas ended. Simple yet memorable.

It's A Marathon

2011-12-19T02:06:00.000+08:00

Someone just asked me this, "From STPM to A-levels... until Pharmacy today, your goal and vision is identical.. Why lost this time?"

Looking at this, I didn't know what to answer. Yes, I've came so far so why am I giving up now. I said "I thought I could see my future, but now I don't know what's my purpose anymore..."

Then he continued, "You are still seeing it, you are still walking towards it. Please don't go away at this moment. This is a 100km marathon run. You fell down here, maybe it's just another 1km ahead... By walk or by crawl also you need to reach the end point. Otherwise the previous 99km is meaningless. Maybe the coming paper can just let you walk another 10m further, but there's no reason to give up."

Suddenly I thought... Who am I to make people around me worried. Who am I to make friends come comforting me in the middle of the night. I told him "I promise I will try my best". He told me, "Not only do your best. I wish to see there's fire in both your eyes and heart :)"

To this, I can only say thank you, with no more words from me - because what I should do next is to strive harder to complete my 10m run tomorrow.

P/s: To an important someone, you will not run alone, because I'm with you.

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...

2011-12-15T21:50:00.000+08:00

I can hear Christmas bells ringing... It's only 10 days away from Christmas! Everything around me is Christmas-sy feel now ♥

My current wallpaper, okayyy I'm a little ~~over~~ obsessed with Ginger recently...

My first Christmas gift of the year , pretty isn't it? ^^

Another early Christmas gift, cute & comfy neck rest

And not to forget all the Christmas shopping for my loved ones, these are only a part of the buyings. I'm broke!

If I am given a Christmas wish right now, I will wish for a graduation ~~next year~~. Oopss, I shouldn't be mentioning about that now. Ruins the mood, I know. >_<

A sprinkle of happiness today: I've got a Christmas date!

On Your Wedding Day,

2011-12-15T16:11:00.001+08:00

I'm giving you all my blessings...

I had been looking forward to this day, to meet your groom - the love of your life, and also to reunite with the long-time-no-see relatives. I miss the cousins, nephews, and nieces! Only on special occasions like these only we are able to meet. Relatives from Singapore, Segamat, and Seremban mostly came for this wedding dinner.

It feels like a KL-Selangor one day trip for sister and I. We rushed from place to place, doing various things. By the time we reached the restaurant for wedding dinner, we are totally exhausted. BUT, that didn't stopped us from snapping pictures.

My look of the night - *heart* the straightly blown hair

He who made me smile with his way of talking and never-ending jokes =)

Meet baby Hannah who caught my attention all night! Just can't leave my eyes off her =)

My favourite nephew (he made our picture his profile pic in fb!)

Lovely niece who will grow up into a pretty girl for sure ^^

I have to say, "You are the most beautiful bride I've ever seen"

Thank God for giving me such a great family.

What's More To Ask For,

2011-12-13T19:22:00.000+08:00

When I have family and friends that stand by me when I'm at my lowest moment,

When I have my dear to catch me from back if I fall,

Me, Bunnie, and Gongcha but you're not here...

A comforting lunch with friends which lasted for 4 hours

Another day with love - with lots of shopping, talking and sharing heart-to-heart

The sisters *heart* Longchamp

Gingerbread man and Bow are shhoooo cute!

But somehow, the emptiness in heart can't be explained. I am sorry I do not know how to make myself feel better :(

Eye Sore,

2011-12-07T22:52:00.001+08:00

Is it the tears or the tiredness...

I Am Not Alone,

2011-12-06T00:50:00.000+08:00

When I know you are here to bring me an early Christmas.

I was serious when I said I didn't wanna share this with others as that moment only belonged to us.

The-not-so-me

2011-12-06T00:28:00.001+08:00

Ever since the fall, my phone had never stopped ringing - from text messages to whatsapp to line to fb messages, and telephone calls. I know people around me are worrying about me, but I just do not have the mood to entertain any of them. If there is a choice, I would want to swallow myself into darkness and have zero contact with the outside world. The thought of graduating a year later is such a pain. The fact that I am to leave my my battle mates because I am too slow to catch up is even more pain. People keep on telling me not to give up and to stand up again after this fall. Me myself know that this is the right thing to do too, but doing is always harder than to say.

The reluctance to pick up my life led me to a complete different person. I do not care about others feelings, I do what I want. I can't listen to the words of concerns from other people, I do no bother to reply messages and phone calls. I was almost never home, as I was out everyday, everynight. I tired myself out every single night as I only came home in the morning and yet I couldn't put myself to sleep. My parents were worried for me, I know but I just couldn't help it. Friends cannot leave me alone as I'm such a mess. I do things I usually don't as if i am only living for today, like tomorrow never comes.

I see the worries in my parents' eyes. I see the concern from my siblings and friends. I know, even if I don't live for myself, I have to live for them. And so, I will try my very best to pick myself up, to pick up the bits and pieces of my shattered life and I will be my normal self again. I just need a little bit more time...

Failure

2011-12-05T18:53:00.001+08:00

When I thought things are finally getting better, when I thought I could see the road ahead of me, reality tells me otherwise. I wasn't working hard enough, I wasn't good enough... That must be it. It was entirely my fault so I'm not blaming anyone nor blaming it to luck. I never believed in luck as I know when there's no effort, there's no gain. I told myself to work extra hard, to strive more than other people and yet I failed to do so. I failed my parents, my friends, and myself. So much so I do not believe in luck, I suddenly hope that miracle happens - like right now, right this moment.

Little comfort of the day: You came back for me, and the 100 missed calls were touching. Thanks.

Life is Fragile

2011-11-25T02:49:00.000+08:00

When you told me to just listen, and do not say anything... I thought it would be hard to as I always have things to say about what you want to tell me. However, this time I am speechless, and felt totally helpless. I do not know what I can do to help you feel better, or maybe at least temporarily forget the pain.

The closest moment I am to a life and death situation, was when my grandfather passed away. I couldn't remember anything else other than his leaving during that year. I swear, that was the hardest 5 days for me ever. The moment I saw grandfather being wheeled out from the surgery room, with an expressionless face, I knew he's gone. My family, my relatives were all crying, but I alone stood there like I was being froze - couldn't speak a word, and tears wouldn't flow. I couldn't believe that he just left like that. I hoped it was all a dream - a very bad dream, and I would be awaken soon. We all went back to grandpa' house, the adults were busy preparing for the funeral - packing grandpa's favourite belongings so that those things can go with him. Then, realisation finally hits. I knew grandpa's gone forever. Midnight came, and I started weeping silently. I cried so hard that even breathing became difficult...

So, when you told me someone passed away - although I do not know that person, but from your messages I could feel your sadness. Your voice over the phone is a pain itself... You said it's really sad that she didn't experience much in life, and in my mind I thought "Yea.. and who am I to complain about so many little things in life...". Suddenly our conversation about my broken snow globe, about someone else poking into my life, about my quarrel with sister.. all seems so little, compared to life.

From now onwards, I shall learn how to appreciate life, treasure people around me, and count my blessings from time to time. Like how you know me, I am a crybaby (and you don't like it everytime I cry) - but this time I promise I'll try my best to keep my tears until its shed for something worthwhile. =)

The unsaid: Last night, your determination to stay back for me no matter how much I asked you to leave made me smile. Tonight, you had no choice but to leave, I still smiled because you told me you're gonna miss me while you're gone (~~although there's this tiny little feeling telling me, I'm losing you...~~)

Post-Exam Fever

2011-11-20T04:42:00.001+08:00

After 24 days, 576 hours, 34,560 minutes, and 2,073, 600 seconds... I am finally free from exams! I've been waiting and dreading for this day to come ever since study break started. I wished I could have skipped the whole 2 weeks of exam and slept those weeks away, but I still went through the exams. No matter how the outcome is, I want to temporarily shut off my thoughts about exams - at least for this coming 2 weeks.

During exam days, I couldn't sleep for nights. Had an insomnia attacked and left me with puffy eyes + dark eye circles. I swore that I will replenish all the sleep I've missed, and yet... when exams finally ended... I was too excited to sleep, and can't wait to celebrate! And so... immediately after the last paper on Wednesday, my planning schedule is full of outings until the week ends. =)

Wednesday: The night when I'm done with exams - drinking session at our private hangout place

Thursday: My date of the day =)

Our sweet indulgence

Thanks love for the souvenirs all the way from Hong Kong & Macau =))

Friday: The only photo we managed to snap, and yet still I needa steal from my dear's fb >.<

These are not enough. More outings to come!

p/s: There is something still missing...

Birthdaysssss

2011-11-20T04:09:00.002+08:00

Yups... I am surrounded by November babies! (all in a family actually) Year end is always happening to me cause there are a lot of celebrations going on, and when November ends, it's time for Christmas, my favourite festive season. When there are celebrations, it means pressie-buying time, and that also means I gotta starve for the next few months... But, when I see their happy faces upon pressie-opening time, I feel it's all worth it =)

Celebrations of the year:

Sister's birthday on 08/11/11, Mum's birthday on 10/11/11 (Home & Victoria Station)
p/s: Mum didn't wanna get into the picture >.<

Brother's special birthday celebration on 11/11/11 (Double tree Hilton)

My look of the night at Double Tree Hilton

3 mischievous siblings =)

Beloved daddy and i =)

My room mate for 20 years :p

說不哭

2011-11-11T00:48:00.000+08:00

My recent favorite song...

My favorite line: 說不哭　眼淚卻止不住　畢竟曾擁有過你一段路

p/s: It made me thought of you...

It's her Birthday! ^^

2011-11-09T03:01:00.000+08:00

It's an exception that I'm blogging in green today - because it's dearie's birthday! (well a belated post... actually, but am glad to have met her on her exact big-day) =)

To start off with this, I promised to write her a 1000 of touching words to compensate her for the short-written birthday card I gave her. And so here I am, trying to challenge my writing skills once more, maybe not 1000 words but sufficient to express what I wanna say...

"My Dear,

This year is a day that we obey to celebrate like how you said because your birthday falls on 1/11/11. And it also marks the 11^th year of the starting of our friendship. Very memorable, huh? =)

During high school, we talked about our ambitions, our dreams. We longed for the years to past by and having our own cars and limitless freedom so that we can see each other more often. We imagined ourselves having boyfriends, looking forward to college life and can’t wait to grow up. And indeed, time didn’t wait for us… We’ve grown up, driving our own cars to college, had relationships and had break-ups. We were excited about our first loves, and had our hearts broken. Because of you, broken heart is mendable, and wounds can recover.

We being there for each other for all these years is a miracle. Our friendship itself is a magical bond. It is a wonder when it comes to u, where we can never get tired of seeing each other, and having endless topics to talk about. There were times when we almost drifted apart, but thank God we’ve pulled it altogether.

People say to strengthen a relationship, sometimes we need some quarrels and arguments. Now that I thought of it, we did had a very unhappy time in the past (if you still remembers), and that encounter taught me that I should appreciate this friendship. From that experience, I learnt from you that saying sorry is more important than self-ego, and how important it is to forgive and forget. Thank you my dear to have let me learned something valuable in the process of developing a trustworthy friendship between us.

It’s amazing how much of memories, ups and downs we’ve shared for the past one decade. It is a comfort to know that no matter how rough the road in front is, we know we will do just fine because at the end of the journey, we know we have someone who will always be there for us (like you and me). Thank you for being a friend, a companion, a sister – someone who wipes my tears when I cry, keeps me warm when I’m cold, lends me a shoulder to lean on when I’m tired, and catches me from the back when I fall.

So, on this very special day of yours, I wish for you endless happiness and joyful moments in life, and may all your dreams come true for every candles you’ve blown. (Oh, and more luck you need I guess *winks*)

Last but not least, I thank you, my dear for creating a presence in my life, being a part of my life. I love you. Always have, always will.”

As for the little celebration over a cuppa hot drink, and comfy late-afternoon chats... I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Can't hide my smile when I see her screaming in joy having to see Ms Diana as her birthday pressie (it's her wishlist!)

Top: Her new toy - Missy Diana, and we love everything in white =)

Not to forget our self-shots =)

Study Breakkkk

2011-10-26T00:44:00.002+08:00

And this is what I did... But I studied! (Only a slower progress.. >_<)

Oh wait! It's not even close to a break... This only means I'm confined at home studying all day and all night before finals start. My ~~ONLY~~ motivations to study - to get my graduation cert and be done with uni life! And also, to realise a dream which belongs to us (my dear and I). To motivate me, she found these for me... So sweet of her =)

Top left: It's gonna be our future study room she said... And the others are for me to hypnotize myself into study mode.

p/s: Can't wait for exams to end. Already thinking what to do after that.. :p

Three's A Crowd

2011-10-17T01:38:00.002+08:00

On this day, my dear had an ~~little~~ accident... I know how upset she is and I feel I should be by her side, to giver her the warmth and support that she needs. I offered to pick her up from work, but she's working late and her colleague will send her home. But then, I know there's something I can do. I could drive out and at least create an opportunity to meet up. And so, while waiting for her to finish work... Starbucks is the best choice to sit around =)

Best companions ever - BFF and Bunnie

I called dear when she's about to off work and told her I was at Cheras. I could hear her voice talked in rush excitement - I knew I made the right choice to come out. While waiting some more for her to reach, I did a little pampering by buying her a Creme Brulee Macchiato, just to make her feel a little bit better.

I never attempted to ask dear to be more happy, nor ask her to be more positive - because I knew what she needed at the moment is to complain, and rant, and curse on everything. When tomorrow comes, she'll be the cheerful girl again. Eventhough we were complaining about all the unfortunate events that happened to us, we could still laugh and joke. And I think, that's what are friends for - to be able to laugh together no matter how bad things are. We are just there to support each other even if the sky falls.

And tonight, together we made an agreement...

We can still have a little fun although there's only 3 of us :p

Other than the agreement, we taught ourselves the top 5 ways to cry when we are upset...

Dear's Creme Brulee Macchiato are full of her writings...

And lastly, not to forget the pictures of the night...

Although we were wore dark color clothings, but we always carry our smiles whenever we are together =)

Joy of the night: I received 2 "Thank You" messages from both my dear and BFF, because I brought them laughter, they said.

But little did they know, I was even more happier to see them smiling broadly.

Perfect Family Day

2011-10-14T01:38:00.005+08:00

Sunday is a day for relaxing and chilling at home - for most people I guess. To recharge and rejuvenate to face the first working/studying of the week (Monday). I only had 3 hours of sleep on the night before, and I know I can always choose to stay at home, sleeping away for the rest of the day... Like many other people. But, Sunday has another meaning to me. Sunday = family day. A day should be spent fully with my loved ones no matter how tired I am.

Although waking up being cranky and groggy, seeing the beautiful weather made me smile. It has been sometime since I see clear blue skies with white clouds. It's good to breath in fresh air... My mood was lifted up almost immediately.

No way I can still feel sleepy at this beautiful weather =)

There's an arranged lunch today with the relatives from daddy's side. I grew up alongside with the cousins from mummy's side so I am not close with the cousins from daddy's side. However, as I grew up I learnt the importance of a family, and I made a lot of effort to be close with them, to keep in touch eventhough sometimes it means I have to make the initiative (I am not a very friendly person in fact...). Over the years, I've develop some bonding with them and I'm proud of myself for being able to stay close with my family.

Happiest event of the day: Seeing my niece and nephew. Although baby boy was soooo manja that he wouldn't leave my side and keep on wanting me to carry him for the whole day, I am still happy with my aching arms for the next 2 days.

They made me forget about my tiredness temporarily

The day was completed with a perfect dinner with only daddy, mummy, bro, and sis. I have been awake for more than 15 hours after only 3 hours of sleep... I still feel bliss. Thank you God for sending me a perfect family. =)

Lunch Gathering

2011-10-13T05:29:00.000+08:00

Waking up feeling amazed over Westlife's concert from the night before, things couldn't be more happier than to gather with old friends, having a relaxing Saturday brunch. Since it's Missy Catherine's birthday a few days before - I've decided to buy her a birthday cake. It's been years since the last time I celebrated her birthday with her.

I couldn't recognize her at the first sight because she has a super long hair now! I love her in this hair, Beautiful =)

Birthday girl! And I spotted her watch, she and her Hello Kitty craze :p

Great companions during A-level days...

It's been a while...

2011-10-13T05:12:00.006+08:00

....since I see them in person. I've never thought I could be in love with a boy band for such a long long time. Well, long enough that they are no longer a boy band. They are way over the age of being boys, and I too have grown up. I was in my secondary school days when I first saw them in the field having a friendly football match with our Malaysia team. While being a Malaysian, I was supposed to be shouting and supporting my country, but how could I when Shane was in sight. =)

9 years ago, dear, cousie and I went for this match. 9 years later, 3 of us again (die-hard Westlife fans) were there at the stadium to watch Westlife Gravity Tour 2011. I cheered at their appearance, smiled and sang along when I heard familiar songs that accompanied me throughout my years of growing up, and listened quietly during the slow songs. Slowly, my mind drifted away... It's like there's no one else around. Their songs were soothing to my ears, as always...

Highlight of the night: A live proposal on stage! I've never seen anyone proposed before (the kneeling on the ground while saying "Will you marry me?") and neither I've seen anyone being proposed to. And on this special night, I've witnessed a little bit of romance happening in the realistic life of ours.

My song (sadly they didn't sing this in the concert),

Once, I was the queen of your heart... And I thank you for that

p/s: For a moment, I left my heart in the stadium, reluctant to leave...

Special Dedication

2011-10-03T00:10:00.000+08:00

Dearie,

The first thought I had when I heard this song is you... Sometimes I find it hard to believe that we've been there for each other for all these years. Just so you know, I'll always be here for you, now and always.

p/s: This reminds me so much of Twins's Kite and Wind - the one we learnt so hard to sing together =)

Nostalgic

2011-10-02T03:30:00.004+08:00

I feel like I've back to my secondary school life - even for the briefest moment. Today's activities are just like the exact ones I did during that time. I couldn't remember how long ago was my last touch of basketball. I couldn't remember if I really ever knew how to play it. Standing at the basketball court holding the ball somehow time-traveled me back to those care-free days, where my girlfriends and I spent most time playing and fooling around after school hours. The memories of playing basketball together, going to the library, buying fruits at the school canteen... All came back like it was just yesterday.

But, in reality.. Many years had gone by. People around me had changed. I had lost contact with many of the friends in my past. I, myself had changed too. More grown up I would say, more matured. Losing contact with my friends is one thing i can never get used to, no matter how many times it happened. I understand that when we reach some point of life, people around us move on and we part ways. So, to my friends I'm having now... I'll make the best of it before we move on to the next stage of life where we will lose each other.

To my dear, we'll somehow find a way to realise our goal someday, the one we've been dreaming for for years...

To my close friends, we'll create as many happy memories as we can.

To Step G., we'll try hard to reunite although we are parting ways next year.

And lastly, to my BFF, we'll make some changes so that one day when I cross ur mind u will find that I've made a difference in your life... Like how u did to mine.

Best Friend Forever?

2011-09-28T01:41:00.003+08:00

I promised him (The Best Friend) that I will sleep by 1am tonight, but I have a sudden urge to post this up - like right now, immediately. I am always like this when it comes to blogging. I can only post when my writing mood falls at the right place, and right time.

Our friendship is developing fast, in just a few months we found us confiding in each other - having heart-to-heart talks, which I find it amazing myself as I am not a person who opens up easily. The reason behind is because I find him thinking very alike to me, sometimes I think he can read my mind *creeps* What triggers me to write this tonight at this hour (even reluctant to sleep) is because... I suddenly realise, our friendship might come to an end soon... not as literally end but we won't be as close as now in the future as we will part ways. So, this post will be kept as a memory =)

There are many times I was surprised by the way he replies me... Our conversation leads me remembering every word he said as those words did touched me deeply. He can say things like "If u die.. I'll die with u...", "I actually trust u more than anyone", "I just got up.. Dont feel like replying anyone except u". And each time he said those things, i know he meant every word.

But, there was one particular conversation which left me teary eye... I didn't know why I teared but maybe because I was emotional that night, and he calmed me down.

Me: G**** can't always be with u right?

BFF: Yea...

Me:Will u bu shi de if I leave someday?

BFF: Of course.. but i believe u won't disappear

ME: What if I do someday?

BFF: I trust u wont

Me: If? Will I be forgiven?

BFF: If.. I trust u will reappear.. I trust u.. I dont really trust people

Me: Even someday u find me betraying ur trust?

BFF: Will u?

Me: Well.. No one knows the future...

BFF: I trust u won't, if u really betray me, I trust u will have a very good reason...

His faith in me left my vision blurred with tears while I stared at the phone. I didn't know that someone could trust me this much (except for my dear of course...). It's his determination to trust me that touched me. Somehow I wish his determination is not only until this extend. I wish he has more faith in himself. I hope that he can believe that he deserves better and not always only wishing the best for someone else instead of himself. He is a person with a complex mind, where he has difficulty simplifying things I guess. He has a lot of thoughts running in his mind every now and then, and he gives me the feeling of he's constantly upset, but trying to put up a strong front, a happy face. And these few nights, I know.... he's really really upset. Please do cheer up, my dear friend! Do remember, no one will be as important to you as yourself should be.

Companion for drinkssss...

He who needs multiple alarms to wake himself up, but can wake as early as 6am to morning call me...

This kind of best friend... Where to get one? =)

Chubby Angel in The House ^^

2011-09-27T01:11:00.003+08:00

She's a cutie pie who never fails to make me smile, even on my gloomiest days. =) So tempted to pinch her chubby cheeks, but never had the heart to do so as she's just too adorable. Look at her *wink* Simply eye-catching even she's only 4 months old. =D

Meet Baby Arielle!

She's Back!

2011-09-27T00:46:00.001+08:00

Missy Catherine is finally back at home! I can't believe how fast time flies... She has been away from home, from friends for the past 3 years, and now returned as a proud degree holder of the bachelor of acturial science. Oh dear, how I wish I can join your league to be the graduate soon!

Few days ago...

A message was lying in my fb inbox, and then I saw this "Hey dear i bought ur bilberry longchamp ya... my flight is on wed 10.35pm... see u in msia la... hehe". Short and sweet - but missy, can you please notify me in advance (if there's next time) and not the night before u flew back... I was surprised because you told me you are not planning on return anytime soon! Anyhow, I'm glad that you are back and can't wait to see you. =)

p/s: And thanks for the Longchamp bag! It's so super sweet of you ^^

Recap: The Fun Weekend...

2011-09-27T00:34:00.001+08:00

...Although I'm awfully sick, for 2 weeks. Fever had subsided, sore throat had healed, flu is long gone, BUT the cough won't just go away despite my efforts of staying away from cold drinks (okay.. I didn't try hard enough maybe) and fried food. Last weekend was exceptionally happy as I have a great company, and meeting great people. At first I thought I won't be meeting my dear for this week as she's sick too! Hers is a tiny bit more serious than my condition... But I guess sickness didn't stop us from hanging out. The plan was... Party all night + she's staying over at my place! Yay!! *screaming with joy*

Dear got free tickets to The Arthur's Concert, but we were washed with huge disappointment as the concert was a quite-boring one! Even Taio Cruz's performance didn't made it up for us.. and so we left before the whole thing ends.. and still we were trapped in the jam for 2 freaking hours!

Looking helplessly at the cars piling up...

By the time we got out from the carpark, it's already 2am... but, wait! The late hour did not stop the patients from having another round of joy. After moving our bodies so much during the concert, we decided to grab some late night snack and join the guys (they are not supposed to be known!) for drinks at our private hang-out place. Dear and I were being good, we only drank Pokka tea =). The night was warm, and our laughter + coughing broke the silence... Friends are still the best.

As for the rest of the night, I'll let the photos do the talking. I've only got a few as some are still in dear's iphone.

Theme of the night: Black

Curi this photo from my dear's fb. We *heart* this!

Reaching home by 5am, and we needa sneak into the house but our plan failed as the super-responsible-guard came at my front gate and told us there's something hanging at the back of my car. Issshhh.. Naughty prank from the little boy! Although frustrated, but dear and I can't help but to burst out in laughter... And luckily my family were still sleeping soundly. We tip-toed back into the house, and spent the last hour before sunrise bathing + a little bit of talking. Finally, it's sleeping time for the patients at 7am after medication. We are just crazy when we are together!

After 7 hours of sleep, we were awakened by multiple phone calls. Even not because of those calls, we could have been awake due to the hot weather. After last night's craziness, it's time for us to slow down our pace and chill for the rest of the day. We drove out to Sunway to meet my cousin brother, whom is more like a friend to me than a relative. It's been some time since I met him, and I kinda miss him... Then we had our first meal of the day at 5pm in Bubba Gump Shrimp, we made the right decision as shrimps are our favourites! Still trying to be good, we only ordered hot drinks + steamed food.

The perfect girl's outing =)

After photos-snapping with cousie and bidding goodbye, we headed home. And... stupid me for not knowing that I need to touch the "save" button when I take photos using apps ----> no photosss!! Only left those taken with the normal camera without effects.. >.<

The only photo with cousie...

The night ended perfectly with me having dinner with my beloved family. =)

A Penny for My Thoughts

2011-09-17T01:44:00.000+08:00

There are so many thoughts running inside me these days. The past, the present, the future. I've been recalling, reminiscing, imagining. Recently, I've got really close to a friend, whom I find us thinking alike in many ways. It's pretty fast that we turned into best friends from normal friends. In only a few months, we could tell each other everything, well almost. He makes me sees another side of myself, which I know it existed within me, but I didn't acknowledge it. However, being around him emphasizes this side of me. The true-est side of me - which I am not ready to reveal it, yet. Maybe never.

Everyone needs to keep a little secret, right? As for now, I will just keep this side of me buried inside... deep within.

A Week of Break...

2011-09-17T01:33:00.000+08:00

... and i'm sick! It's Friday night again... (oopss!) 12am had passed. Saturday came. Break is coming to an end, and I'm so reluctant to return to reality! It's gonna be so busy all over again, and I can't wait for this year to end. Time just flew by, and it's September again. Everytime when I realise time just went by like this, I will stop in my track, asking myself "What have I done?"

Many a times, I couldn't recall doing something meaningful. Whatever I'm doing now, is what I have did in the past. Yes, I am repeating my actions over and over again, only on a different time, at different places, with different people. I don't know if consistency is a good thing, but I guess it makes me who I am. Somehow, I know when next year comes, I ~~will~~ have to make a difference. I will learn to be different.

Next week is another beginning. It's time to strive forward.

New Born Baby

2011-09-10T23:29:00.000+08:00

Still remember a few posts back when I said I'm working on something... Slowly... and finally I had started the first step.

The new born on a side business shared with a dear friend of mine. Not something big but it's a new experience for me. =) My dear readers and friends, do support me and follow my online blog ya. We are on facebook and twitter too. Of course, I won't act like those friends-turn-into-insurance agents, where I'll promote non-stop and ask you guys to buy from me. All I ask is a little support by visiting, and feel free to drop me comments. ( I believe in your opinions shopaholics!) =)

p/s: http://phywardrobe.blogspot.com/

Car crash....

2011-09-06T00:56:00.000+08:00

.... yea again. I know. I couldn't count the times of my car being in and out of the car factory. It seems the boss of recognizes my dad, my car. Ever since the first purchase of my beloved Myvi / "ugly blue" - so some friends of mine call it that way >.< , I cannot recall how many accidents I've met - small and major ones. And most times, no matter how careful I am, people came and banged at my car. I wonder why...

Even I parked at a proper parking place, with no obstruction to the traffic, my car was scratched. There was another time when my car plat numbers were stolen! Why choose my car? Why me? I couldn't understand why.

I guess I need to go to the nearest temple and have do some praying.

p/s: Dear God, please protect me from further road accidents, because if You do not... I'm afraid I'll die from heart attack soon..

Major Breakdown

2011-08-22T00:52:00.002+08:00

Never in my life I thought I will see him shed tears. He had always been a strong person ever since I know him. He never complains when work is too difficult, never gives up trying when things couldn't work out. He never even goes to a clinic or hospital when he is sick. He is such a person, with a strong will and strong heart.

However, today he held me in his arms flowing tears telling me that his heart aches when he sees me cry, and he is terribly sorry. But, did he know when I see his tears, my heart not only ache, but it shattered into pieces... Even if I attempt to pick up those pieces, they will pierce through my skin I know. I will end up hurting myself even more, so I do not bother about attaching those pieces together again... For once, I'll hold him tight and cry uncontrollably like a child again.

And then I realise... no matter how strong a person is, his tears can flow when he sees the one he cares and loves is hurt. The memory of him holding me in his arms played in the back of my mind for more than a thousand times today. And each time, my eyes are blurred with tears, knowing that if I had stayed stronger, if I had hold back my tears, if he hadn't see me being upset, he wouldn't have cried... Then I told myself, this is my first and last time I will see him shed tears. No more again I will let him feel heartache.

I am sorry...

A Sudden Urge

2011-08-13T00:55:00.000+08:00

I have a sudden feel to blog, at this particular moment, at this mood, at this place, at this time.

But the strange thing is, I have nothing to say...

Wanted to update my past activities for the past one month, but I do not have the photos to post up (they are all with my friends).

Wanted to type report but feel reluctant to do so at this hour.

Wanted to find a friend to talk to, but I don't know what I can share.

Wanted to sleep, but I feel energized after having a game of badminton tonight.

So, what am I gonna do now besides blogging? Nothing much, I guess...

In A Learning Process

2011-08-09T23:02:00.001+08:00

I am still new, and hence there's a hell lot of things that requires me to learn. It's time to meet new challenges and work my way out. This is an opportunity for me to complete a journey on my own. May there be scratches and wounds when I fall down... so that I can always remember the pain by heart and not to repeat the same mistakes if I am to walk down another path in the future.

I will take one small step at a time, to prove that I can. Little by little, I will show improvement... Just wait and see.

Another Sleepless Night

2011-08-09T04:02:00.000+08:00

I can't seem to bring myself to bed these days... Everytime I plunged myself on bed, my mind race with thoughts. I have yet to finish my work, and so I can't sleep in ease. I still have a lot to think about - there's so many questions in my head, but I can't search for the answers. Time is ticking away, deadlines are approaching and yet I am still thinking, not having any actions. Not that I do not want to act, but I would say I do not know how to act.

I am crossing the tasks off my list one-by-one and yet the list grows. There must be a way to stop time, right? Please tell me there is a magic charm that will freeze time whenever I chant the spell.

I need an escape... Or I should say, I need a hideout.

On a mission

2011-08-06T16:03:00.000+08:00

It feels like I'm on a run, struggling to get to the end-point and at the same time achieving all I can throughout the journey. It will come to an end, I know... But up to this point, I have yet to see the destination.

How I wish there is 72 hours a day, but again I think if there really is 72 hours a day - by that time I will be wishing there will be 96 hours a day. And that's humanity... There's seems to be so much to accomplish these days, but too little time available. I'm trying not to procrastinate in doing my work, and to fully utilise my time but this effort comes to no avail as I'm a person with very little time management.

Recently, I've engaged myself into the world of business. Yes, I'm starting a small little business - the more reason that I should manage my time carefully to ensure I can cope in everything I do. Despite all those PBL reports and assignments, I enjoy being busy all the time.

P/s: Stay tuned to know what am I up too! (The small business I meant, of course...)

Good luck, my love

2011-07-25T00:48:00.002+08:00

As promised, I found all the luck from ~~all over~~ part of the world to pass to you, and of course including mine. So, promise me that you will do your best too, as I know you will feel devastated if you do not try hard enough. No matter what the outcome is, you know you will always have me by your side. After so many days and hours, I can't wait to meet you again. =)

All this luck may not be enough, but they all belongs to you

The New Life

2011-07-20T01:51:00.001+08:00

The last post was a fortnight ago... New things are happening everyday ever since the semester begin. Before stepping into year 4, I was so looking forward to it. But I guess it didn't start out well enough. After 3 years into this course I am very much comfortable with the friends I had, and am not ready to be separated from them. And yet, no matter how much I am not ready I have to learn how to work with strangers and try to be ~~friends~~ acquaintances with them.

Many closed ones were staying back in year 3 not being able to climb up the ladder, while the remaining are only six of us. Unfortunately we are split up in different learning groups, different assignments groups, different working attachments. We are not even able to meet up during lunch hour! Although looking forward to this final year of degree, but sometimes it's really lonely without them by my side.

In a sudden, nostalgic sinks in... There were the awkward moments during the first time we knew each other. There were the surprise birthday celebrations for all of us (and many a time they were a success). There were chats and laughter across the table during lunch hour. There were us having two whole rows of seats in the back of the class. There were those stressful periods when exams and assignments deadline are pushing. And not to forget, those happy moments spent together during trips.

Now, without them I sit nearer to the front, and yet sometimes can't help it but turning my head around to look at the back, where we all sat together. I realised... we've all come so far.

My First Marathon Experience

2011-07-05T00:17:00.000+08:00

I did not really registered for the marathon willingly. It's due to pressure from sister and cousins, and so I went. I felt the satisfaction when I reached the finishing line of 10km. Success sometimes doesn't mean achieving great things, but just simply doing something you usually won't do and complete it.

My marathon jersey, which I hope the color would have been a better one :p

The bib number which carries my name at the right bottom corner

My finisher's medal hanging proudly on my notice board

Last Trip Before Year 4

2011-07-01T02:51:00.000+08:00

3 more days before my life of year 4 begins. Although can't wait for graduation, but I still crave for ore holidays. Talking bout contradiction... Before the new sem starts, STEP G. finally planned for a short trip. Trip was normal and sometimes a bit bored, but it was great times spent with my beloved coursemates. No matter how resentful I am towards this university, towards the course, the dean, I never regretted coming in as I got to know them. They are the best had ever happened in university life for me.

Our only group photo from the trip =)

IT gadgets shopping!

2011-06-21T02:42:00.000+08:00

New buyings for my lappy =)

Lappy is happy to see new wireless mouse, new cooler, new sleeves

Happy Papa's Day

2011-06-20T02:50:00.000+08:00

If I am asked "Who is your favourite person in the world?", the answer would be "my daddy". This is how much I love him. He has been a father as well as a role model. He is always showing me what is right and what is wrong by moving on the right path. Life could never be so smooth without him by my side for all these years.

He was there when I was crying my night away due to unfinished homework.

He was my comfort when I am sick in bed.

He was my guidance when I was rebellious.

He is my personal chauffeur whenever I need a ride.

He is my financial provider to satisfy all my shopping needs.

He is my support when I am facing obstacles.

Because of all these, he makes me brave because I know I am not alone.

I am able to stand high because I know when I fall he will catch me from behind.

I am able to pursue my dreams because I have endless encouragement.

I am able to overcome hurdles because he believes that I can.

In the recent years, daddy has grown older. Grey hairs are sticking out, wrinkles are showing. Daddy, from now onwards I'll be your support, your believer, your personal chauffeur, your caregiver, your everything. Thank you, daddy. Happy father's day.

I sometimes wish I am 5 years old once more, so that I could be in his arms again...

A pleasant day

2011-06-18T14:42:00.001+08:00

The day started early in the morning. I am ready to face the first and the only obstacle of the day and then things will go smoothly after that, I told myself. It's like a must-to-do-thing to meet up with her whenever I am dealing with stress, as staying with her seems to make the pace of life slower, more relax. I can always show her my true self, without the need to hide at all. That's how comfortable I am with her around.

As always, after my paper I will meet up with her. Today no more studies is required as the sales are around! We said that we should prevent each other from buying anything unnecessary, and we've got everything on our checklist. Alright, almost. Girls can never say that we bought enough, right? :p Like I said, I've fell for tea recently and got to taste Gongcha for the first time. Not a bad experience.

Tea of the day

Later in the evening, we met up with the best friend. For dinner and movie as usual. Dinner was pasta and again I had tea. Idling time was spent by playing cards. Tiredness had slowly crept into me but still looking forward to the movie. Unfortunately, movie of the night - The Green Lantern was not as good as I've expected. Okay, maybe I had high expectation, but it was just a very ordinary superhero kinda story. However, it's worth watching as Blake Lively is really awesome in this movie. Hot and sexy!

The shape of the ring spells, "In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight."

p/s: oh, and her is my dear - xueyin =)

Change

2011-06-15T20:47:00.003+08:00

I am tempted for a change. Again.

A presentation of love =)

2011-06-14T21:17:00.001+08:00

This represents encouragement, care and love.

It's not how much the pack worth, but how much the heart counts. Thank you, my love. I had a great day with you. Burning midnight oil for studying seems to be so much more easier with these with me.

The girl's love

2011-06-14T20:57:00.007+08:00

New shoes in my favourite color

Favourite look of this season =)

Shopping is the best thing to do. Especially with the loved ones.

I need you by my side

2011-06-13T03:41:00.001+08:00

This is not my first time having this obstacle, which I've always always hope that it will not happen again. And yet, it repeats all the same, with the same annoying routine, irritating process. However I survived all that for the past 2 and a half years.

But, tonight I am in fear. I couldn't sleep as I can't seem to bring myself to face this obstacle tomorrow morning.. It suddenly felt like I have lost all motivation and the energy to go for the battle. Yes, it's my supp paper. I am afraid, I am not ready, I wish time can stop like it will really freeze when i say the word "freeze".

I thought of a friend who is now 5000 miles away from me. He said that miracle happens only if you believe in it. And right now, I need that miracle. I need my guardian angel by my side.

An angel sent =)

2011-06-08T17:11:00.000+08:00

Mun Ting girl's status in facebook:

*poof* All gone.

I wish.

Comments:
Me: I have that wish too...
MT: Sigh. I guess the genies is on leave.
Me: Sigh... I doubt the genie will help me even if he's not on leave.. =(
MT: They aren't so trustworthy anyway. We gotta be our own genie!

And the next day...

Thank you for the angel sent. Although it's not a genie, but I guess they are the same =)

Even before I started reading it, I already love this book. Thank you for this heart-warming gift. It means a lot.

Surprise!!

2011-06-08T16:57:00.000+08:00

Surprise!!! My 2nd time blowing out candle this year =)

Don't you just love those tiny little hearts?? <3 <3

I am blessed with friends who love me as much as I love them. After the surprise dinner last week, there's another surprise for me. I can never forget my 24th, can I?

As much as I hated my university, my dean... I guess I still made the right decision into coming this course. Because I am able to meet you guys. =)

A movie date

2011-06-07T02:29:00.000+08:00

It all happened like it was just yesterday...

As usual, you were late and I expected it. So when you said to reach at 12pm, I put my alarm to ring at 11.30am knowing that 15 minutes later you will send me a text saying "I'm sorry, I'll be a bit late". And once again, it proves that I am right. You texted me exactly at 11.45am writing the sentence I've already had in mind. It puts a smile on my face at how well I know you.

Without any planning, it's normal that we can't get any movie tickets on a weekend. And like always, I said "It's all your fault! You didn't buy tickets earlier" and pouted like old times. Of course to avoid my disappointment, you brought me to another mall and managed to buy tickets. You are always this fortunate, aren't you?

There's another 1 hour 30 mins to go before movie starts... It feels weird to window shop furniture with you. We talked about our future houses and the colors we love, we shared ideas on the designs we wanted. Again, sharing opinions showed how different we both are. We never like the same things, and colors, and we never like the same item displayed. We used to share the same goal, to build love together, to own a home belongs to us. But, time really does wonders. After all these years, we had lost the magical bond that tied us together.

Everything seems so familiar, from lunch to movie to dinner. It's funny that we could still eat from the same bowl, drink from the same glass. Even walking under the rain together felt similar to the old times. We texted each other for the rest of the night after reaching home and one of your text wrote "I think you can read my mind". If you were to send me this 5 years ago, I'll reply you "That's because I love you enough to read your mind." Instead, last night I wrote "That's because I have the talent to be a mind reader. =)". I guess the mutual feelings between us has disappeared too as time goes by. All left was only memories.

However, for the briefest moment, it almost feels like we're together again.

The Great Escapade

2011-06-05T21:45:00.002+08:00

Finally, I have the time and mood to post about my journey to the north. Yea, I traveled to Phuket, Thailand a forth night ago. Upon minimal planning, my best friends and I hopped on the plane and departed from our homeland before we could see the first sunrise. We were tired and sleepy because we were not used to waking up early, not to mention to catch the 8am flight. But, excitement slowly overwhelmed us as we reached. We were welcomed by the rain, and we thought our day started quite badly... However, after a few minutes, we saw a ray off sun and then the rainbow happened. That put a smile on our faces. At that time, I knew.. I'll not regret for this trip.

The resort didn't disappoint us. It was exactly what we wanted - sunshine, sea, and beach. It was heaven waking up by the seaview, and having breakfast overlooking the blue sky and green sea. A horizon was seen before my eyes. Everyday was spent leisurely, lazing on the chairs under those blue umbrellas, reading, snapping photos. We spent some time at town to buy souvenirs for our loved ones, and savouring thai food almost each meal. I fell in love with iced tea under that hot weather.

We were pampered by various massages - foot massage, thai massage, aloe vera massage, oil massage. I especially miss all these massages cause I can't possibly find them in homeland with this cheap price. During the final night of our stay, we explored a bit on Patong and got to know that there's a rich nightlife there, with cheap alcohol and beautifully designed pubs and bars. We could have spent more time there if we have the chance to go back someday.

As for the rest, I'll let the pictures do the talking...

How would you like it to waking up to this beautiful scenery everyday?

A summary of our many many many photos =)

A memorable trip with my 2 best friends

I found my love!! I *heart* this lamp.. Get me one, I'll fall for u too ^^

It's time to bid farewell to our journey to the north

156 days

2011-06-05T20:53:00.000+08:00

It's the month of June now. 156 days gone by after January 1st, 2011. Time flies, as usual waiting for no one. And once again I am wondering to myself, what have I done? And what I have not done? When I was a kid, I've always hoping to grow up faster, to explore the world, to be independent. However, when the time ticks by, I know I still have many things undone - I hope the time can freeze.

I wish I have the power to manipulate time, to travel back at some point of my life, to stop time but I don't wanna go to the future. I do not wanna know until I'm good at handling the past and the present.

Save The Best For The Last

2011-06-01T21:07:00.002+08:00

I didn't know that there is still birthday celebration awaits me as birthday had long passed for 2 weeks. This time around, it really had become a surprise because I really thought it's a simple dinner as few of us always have dinner together. This birthday is a very warm one, spent with my closest friends and family. I am glad that everyone came because of me. Time always passed by quickly when we were having happy chats, good laughs, nice foods, and to forget the annoying phone call from a friend faraway. I guess everyone had a good time although tired.

THANK YOU <3

Welcoming an angel...

2011-05-29T01:39:00.001+08:00

May 13th, 2011 marks the day when baby Arielle is finally here to see the world. We have all been anticipating for her arrival since we knew about cousin Suzie's pregnancy news. Although May 13th is not a good date according to what happens in the history, but this doesn't affect the excitement of waiting. Today is my last paper of this semester, and it's also 2 days away from my own birthday. This means that baby Arielle is a Taurean and her chinese Zodiac a rabbit - just like me. =)

An angelic look of hers made me smile...

Mua Big-day!

2011-05-29T01:31:00.001+08:00

It's time to resume blogging when I'm in the mood. The next update in about May's happenings will be about my 24th. This time around, I am able to celebrate my day without being hindered by examinations like the previous years. Last paper ended 2 days before 15th May - it's birthday! However, celebration wasn't big and lavish but just being simple with my loved ones with me. No cake is blowed this year. However, this is more than enough. =)

Drinking Starker at Overtime to late chats at mamak stall to buffet lunch on Sunday noon to belated celebration at a simple cosy coffee shop - all these simple outings means a lot to me as all these showed that I'm being loved by many. My coursemates, my family, my friends. Thank you.

From this year onwards, I'll make it a habit to count my blessings on my birthday. When it comes to calculating, I realised there is a lot that I have to be grateful of. And the most grateful thing is to be born into this family. Being the youngest daughter, the youngest sibling, I am very much pampered and I get into my way most of the time.

When the day for me to leave this world is here, I'll tell God that I wish to be born in this family again for my next life, next next life, and all the lifetimes I can have - having my same daddy, mummy, brother and sister. There's no where like home. Birthday just needs to this simple.

Too little time, too much to do!

2011-05-20T15:29:00.000+08:00

There's a lot of updates that I should do, but am too busy to do that. So, I decided to update when I'm back from my long-awaiting trip. =) Wait for my return, and I'll tell you stories of my life for the past one month. I'll bring you a full journey of sun, sea and beach too!

Stay tune to find out where I'll be going for the next 4 days =)

Happy Mama's Day

2011-05-20T02:46:00.001+08:00

Was thinking to blog this post in my mum's favorite color, but it suddenly hits me when I realize that I don't know what's mummy's favorite color. But since I like blue, I think she will too, as this is always the way ever since I was born. I seldom talk about family, but when I do so I have long stories to share. I am the youngest in the family, and because of this I am very much loved and pampered.

Mummy is famous for her fierce character, short-tempered and strict. However, facing her children, her heart can melt too. During our younger days, mum always told us how important education is, and how our future depends on it. She made us learn a lot of things, and going for never-ending classes. While I see my friends enjoying their weekends away, I am always rushing for back-to-back classes - from tuition classes to piano to mental arithmetic to swimming. As the youngest in the family, I am more fortunate as I get to learn most things, and thank god I completed each and every thing I've learnt.

Before moving to this bigger house, I remembered staying in a smaller place until I was eight. I remembered vividly that in the old house, mum would make us finish our homework right after lunch. We were also demanded to do a lot of revision books, with her staring at us holding a hanger in hand. Yes, the hanger which we use to hang clothes, and do not hesitate whether she will beat us with that, because she did that.

Other than being fierce, mum does a lot of nagging too. She nags everyday about everything. But, I've always know it's all for our own good - but sometimes I wish to tell my mum "We are grown-ups already. We know what to do." But I guess, in her heart we are always her children who has never grown too much from the day when we were born.

Mum is a stingy person too. She never spend a lot and is always calculating the money she has. But, I know too that one day when she is gone all those money saved is for us. She is planning for our future, so that we have better life without her. However if there's a chance I would like to tell mum that "I hope God will never take you away as you are more important than money". No matter how stingy, mum is always generous to us. We always receive the best - from shelter to clothes to foods.

Mum is also a person with contradictions. She hopes that we can excel in our studies, so everytime when I am studying hard, burning midnight oil away for exams she's very happy because she sees that I put in effort. But then, she regretted asking me to study so hard because her heart aches seeing my dark eye circles forming, as she fears that my health will deteriorate.

So, my dear mum is a very special person, isn't she? No one can replace her in this world. =)

Totally Messed Up

2011-05-07T15:42:00.000+08:00

My life is a total mess up nowadays.
I am awake when everyone's asleep.
I go to bed before sunlight shines into the room through the curtains.
I have my dinner when it's actually supper time already.

When do I get to live normally again??

New Skin

2011-05-03T23:23:00.000+08:00

Haven't been online much recently due to the exam period. To ease some boredom, I went in search of a new skin for my blog. And found one I like =)

It's All About You

2011-05-01T00:30:00.003+08:00

I just done reading your recent post, and it touched me deeply. Slowly, I felt the words I'm reading on the screen becoming blurred by my own tears-filled eyes. You were not describing how sad you are, you were not complaining how hurt you feel, nor expressing your tears. Instead in your post, you said you have learnt how to hide your inner feelings not letting other people know and always carry a smile with you. You said you no longer cry easily, and have no other ways to express your grief and so you let writing to to take over the job. With all these recent posts of yours, I can't help thinking... Are you still facing sorrowness? If not, why have you let yourself blogged so frequently.

You said you have become stronger, and I believed you. Until now, I still do. Because you have showed me how you stood up from the place you fell. As what you have said, your wound left you a permanent scar, however life must go on. I know you will be reading my post, so I am here to remind you - the scar you've got might be permanent and over the years it will heal. Sometimes getting a scar is not such a bad thing, because I'm sure the journey leading to the road you fell must have been a good one, isn't it? Memories of taken the road before must have enough for you to relish for the rest of your life, right? And I know, if you are given the choice again, I am sure you will still make the same decision eventhough you know how much it hurts.

I think I can never really understand how deep your wound hurts because afterall I am not you. Although you are under the recovery process, and have been smiling more often now but I couldn't help feeling the tiny heartache in me. You've changed and become tougher over the year, but sometimes I wish your tears could flow again, telling me that you have not transformed so much from before...

I ain't sleeping tonight

2011-04-25T03:02:00.000+08:00

I have a sudden feeling to blog right now -immediately, when I am supposed to be reading my notes, trying to absorb every single words I see. But, my brain can't seems to be functioning quite well especially at this late hour but giving up is not an option. I'll just have to hang in there, and finish up whatever's unfinished.

Exactly 7 hours to go and it marks the first day of my 3rd year finals. Worried? No? I don't know... All I know is I wanna be done with study life and start working soon... I've always know that working life is not easy, so much so I heard from people around me. Everyone tells me to enjoy study life while I can, but I just can't wait to experience a different stage in my life.

This song fits my mood now - No one's gonna sleep tonight

Yea.. I am not sleeping tonight >.<

Show Luo's World Live Tour 11'

2011-04-20T00:23:00.005+08:00

It was a beautiful surprise that I got free ticket to his concert. There was once I was into him - his songs, his dance moves, his dramas, his tv shows. Then, slowly the interest dies off... Well, I'm not those die hard fans. But, to be able to go to his concert was not a bad thing though. Without expectation, of course the concert turned out good, at least I think so.

After his concert, he reminded me again why was I so into him last time. One of the reasons, is he is a very motivating role model. No matter how disastrous situations he faced last time, he fought all of it with courage and always have an optimistic mind - it's like always telling himself "Tomorrow is always waiting, so do not give up..."

I think I like his character and attitude for life above everything else.

力量 - this song reminded me how to be strong....

Study Break!

2011-04-15T20:29:00.003+08:00

A perfect way to start my study break... Yes / no?

Life would be so much nicer without having to study for exams... But, this is life so might as well live with it =)

Miss Cindy

2011-04-14T14:06:00.005+08:00

Can never forget the moment you cried with me until sunrise came and shine upon us

Being freaking sick for the past few days, one happy thing finally happens. A best friend came to town! We have known 5 years ago, and have been close to each other until she went for India to further her studies. I remembered I cried a river when I went to see her off at the airport... It was hard for us to keep in touch especially the line at her place was terrible! Her place where she stayed was very much not developed, with terrible transportation and food, plus a lot of dust... I had to salute her for surviving there for 2 years.

Even the distance did not kept us far away from each other. After 2 dreadful years, she made it alive back to Penang to continue on her course. Finally, it was much easier to keep track on each other's updates. Although she's not here with me, but at least I know she's in the same country as I am. In between, we got to meet a few times, and each time she made my day.

This time is not a failure. Although sick, my mood was so lifted up the moment I see her again. As usual, we spent a lot of time together - talking. We never had enough topics to elaborate on, nor have enough stories to share. Everything's which had happened between us seems to be interesting when we are listening to each other.

Miss Cindy Ooi, I am looking forward to be meeting you again. =)

Happening Friday

2011-04-12T13:22:00.005+08:00

I realised I've been caption-ing all my posts title according to the days - it shows that I'm having a pack schedule everyday...

Friday went for classes as usual, and after class, dear and Mun came and picked me up from uni and went to Levain - again.. This is our new-found love, where we can go many many times without feeling bored. This is place is nicely decorated, with comfortable ambience, and of course with nice pastries. The aroma of breads filled the area as we were spending our time chatting the evening away. Perfect teatime for besties =)

Mun and I - my long lost girlfriend =)

Mun is like a long-lost friend. We were good friends when we were young, and eventually lost contact after secondary school. And now, we are hanging out again like regular friends. Glad that awkwardness do not exist between us, instead I feel comfortable chatting with her. Updating her everything about me for the recent few years back.

After Levain, Mun and I sent dear to her classes, Mun waited for Jin Wah at Cheras while I joined my parents for dinner at Sri Petaling. After weeks of craving for Korean food, and there I am.. having Korean dinner with my beloved parents and aunt's family. After dinner, Jin Wah and Mun picked dear and I again late at night. Although we thought of going to Genting at first, we finally decided on sing k at Neway... Midnight k lasted until 4am. And I reached home by 4sth...

Friday is supposed to be this way, right? Full of activities with the loved ones...

A crazy Wednesday night

2011-04-12T13:05:00.012+08:00

As true as the book, I've spent all my ups and downs with my dear...

Last Wednesday, dear's parents were away from home. So, it means total freedom for both of us if I'm going over to spend a night with her. At first, we were only thinking bout that, then little did we know - we were planning on that.. and lo and behold! We carried out that plan =)

I'm not sure if we will get married at the same time, but we did dreamt of being princesses together =)

My loyal companion

It's rare for us to have a chance like that, so we didn't wanna waste our night away... We started the night with a little "yum cha" session, then we went clubbing (yes, only both of us). We were worried at first, but we were alert and things were safe... To my surprise, dear changed a lot from the first time we clubbed together.. On the dance floor, she seems to be shining brightly with her smiles, with her dance moves.. She was swaying bravely, not a hint of shy. I think UK trained her well. =)

After 2 hours of dancing, I can feel my legs killing me -especially I accidentally knocked my knee in the dark. We went for supper at mamak, while updating the score of MU vs Chelsea, a match which made mamak packed full with people (we even saw a few handsome ones)

My badly bruised knee... >.<

It was 4sth in the morning... We still didn't wanna end our night. Instead, we went for foot massage! This is my first time having foot massage at this hour, but I guess it will be the last one too. The night went on when I accompanied dear to fetch her brother to school at 7am. Morning came, and we went online for a little while more, savouring some time together and went to bed before 9am.

What a crazy night we had!! And it was like a dream came true for both of us... To be staying together.

Rainy Tuesday

2011-04-05T21:57:00.006+08:00

A rainy Tuesday

Alone in the car...

It's cold out there....

I wish I'm sleeping in this nice weather instead of studying

Finally the sky turns dark and has started to rain after a few days of torturing hot sun... Tuesdays can be annoying too as it is a schooling day, and I am most annoyed when tomorrow is another quiz waiting for me.. However, I do not feel the pressure of studying.. nor to obtain good results. Just be natural, then it's enough.

So much so for hating to study, the feeling of sitting here all alone here is rally not bad. It was soothing and calming at the same time. Looking at the drizzles out there, I can study for another few more pages of notes....

Some Random Monday =)

2011-04-04T17:06:00.006+08:00

Although Mondays can always be blue... But, if there's a great company and meaningful things to do - I guess Mondays can be happy too. =)

This is what I'm doing now...

Hopefully, I can finish my studies by tomorrow!! It's been some time studying is so luxurious and relaxing... =)

When you're gone

2011-04-01T00:55:00.007+08:00

I finally know how am I feeling when the moment for you to go has finally come.

At daytime, I took the road that you had taught me before, so that it will forever remained fresh in my memory...

Before night falls, I was not feeling anything - I thought I'll be okay.. I thought I'll be cool with you leaving soon.

On the way to the airport, my mood is still very hyperactive - I talked and laughed with the others...

Upon reaching the airport, gloominess seems to have filled the air, but the feeling is still bearable as everyone is still having fun time - and most importantly I haven't got to see you yet, as like always.. you're late again!! You're even late to catch the plane... >.<

The moment I saw you reaching the airport and walked towards us, my heart skipped a beat.. It tells me that you are really really gonna leave soon...

There was not enough time for catch-up or having private talks with you.. We only took a few pictures and it's time for you to check in. Arriving at the departure hall, my heart feels so heavy like there's an unmoved big rock in it... But my tears won't flow even I saw dear's tears flowing freely... I stood there like a stone, hoping this moment can stay for another minute. Then, you patted my head saying to meet me again one year later and then turned your back to leave - never turning back again. Seeing your back moving farther and farther away.. I finally know - you left.

On the way back, I was silent in the car - all memories of us hanging out together flooded my brain, and I can't think of anything else... I know I will be missing you for a long long time.

When I was driving back alone, I could feel emptiness in my heart.. as if something has gone missing when I look at the familiar road that we used to carpool together. My heart feels heavier when I saw your ex-company just located outside my house, knowing that you are not working here anymore.. I no longer will see your car parked outside here, nor knowing you will play basketball at the playground behind my house...

At this moment, I only wanna to say "I hate you for staying so close to me!! Now wherever I go, I can only think of you!"

However, I know you left for good reasons, and all of us will be here to welcome when you come back to home.

To my best friend of many years, you had gave me a roller coaster ride of feelings today... Hated you, but loved you all the same. Like the last text I received from you, I would like to tell you the same "See you again one year later!" =)

Final Goodbye

2011-03-31T04:47:00.003+08:00

The day for you to leave has finally arrived. 3 months earlier, I knew you were going to leave on this day. And yet, at that moment I didn't really feel that you are leaving until now... We have been spending so much time together, hanging out like there's no tomorrow - might be because we were bored... or I knew I am gonna miss you going out with you when you leave. In just a blink of eye, 3 months passed by very quickly.

When you told me where you are leaving for, I've google and checked out the place. For me, it's far, it's unfamiliar.. it's deserted. Until now, I couldn't understand why you choose to work there. But again, it's all for your own good - so I am giving you all my best wishes.

These few days I've been too busy and doesn't really have time to keep in touch with you. I don't know if I will cry when I see you off at the airport later, I don't know if I will be very upset or not.. I don't know if my heart will feels like it has gone empty somewhere when I see your back leaving...

But, what I know is.. I am gonna miss your company for a long long time.

All the best to you, my dear friend. We will meet again when the time comes =)

Set Me Free!!

2011-03-17T18:06:00.004+08:00

It's more than weeks since I had a good night's sleep... I am so used to sleeping for only 5 hours max a night, and this is driving me crazy! My skin's deteriorating - no joke! I can't make myself look into the mirror every morning I wake up... Because I will shock myself with me dark eye circles... @.@

And why this is happening?? All because of my course; it's taking up ALL my time. And when I say all, it really means all. My time is devoted to never-ending quizzes, assignments, lab reports, school events... And the list goes on.

Can't wait for the month to end... Can't wait for the holidays to greet me... Can't wait to go for a super-relaxing trip with my dear.. We need a great escape - from the tight dead-lines, from the usual routine, from the boring life, from the harsh reality...

So, please SET ME FREE!!!

Live With More Determination, More Principles

2011-03-09T00:43:00.004+08:00

It's time to make some changes - may it be minor or major ones...

I've always thought being kind and helpful, being nice is the way a person should be, at least myself have to be one. And I've let myself to live like that for the past many many years. However, only recently I realised, being like this makes me a person without principles and gradually losing myself. I say "Yes" easily, and can never make myself to say "No". People are taking me for granted and usually I am the one ended up hurting alone.

I sometimes do wonder and thought of raising this question "Why do you like to bully me so much? Why do you like to tease me so much?" But at last, I didn't do so... Because I know the answers I receive will be useless ones.

I do not want to be a person without dignity nor without principles, so this is the right time to show people out there what I've got in me... When I do not fight back, it does not mean I am defeated.. It just simply means that I do not want to fight. But if I do, I could be very harsh too... And that's the side I've been hidden for such a long time....

Becoming Like You

2011-02-10T21:23:00.003+08:00

Time passes by each day by day, waiting for none of us... And this tells me that you are leaving soon. Sometimes, I will imagine life without you, and no matter how I think of it, life seems to be a little bit lonely without you with us.

I realised the more I hang out with you, I start to pick up your habits, and liking things that you like. If I could find one thing in common between us, I will be overjoyed - finally there's something coincident which I do not have to adapt from you. Even sometimes I talk and act like you do, without me learning them in purpose. This must be because of our frequent meetings recently... We can meet up to 5 times a week!!

Although I will take a long long time to get myself used to your leaving, I still hope that you leave. Your leaving is a turning point to quite a few of us. Maybe not many, but at least is it for you and me.

I will learn how to overcome problems when you are not around.

I will learn how to survive boredom in classes without your texts and funny mms-es.

I will learn how to go to places I don't know without you being the human-GPS.

I will learn how to eat alone when I couldn't find a makan companion during the very last minute - as you always appear no matter what time I call....

I will learn how not to get sleepy when I am driving back home alone - since I can't talk to you on the phone anymore.. maybe I should try using toothpicks to open my eyes!

And.. most importantly, I will learn how to be self-motivating when you are not around to lift up my mood...

Goodbye

2011-01-02T02:31:00.011+08:00

It is my habit to walk down the memory lane when each year ends.

This year I'll make an exception because, I couldn't remember what happened in the past one year as you are the only one I can think of in mind now... And the fact that you are leaving is making things worse.

We have been going out a lot recently, and each time we made it a point to keep that a secret due to many reasons. No matter what the reasons are, being with you tells me that I am still important as you have chosen me to share your secrets with. After knowing everything about you, I finally feel that I really know you, as a person in and out. I couldn't make myself distance away from you today - at the very first day of the new year. Because I know this will be the last time we will be together alone. Again, you told me to keep this as a secret between us, and this time I intend to do so myself too. Because, I feel this is a moment that we should share together, alone... Sitting beside you, hearing what you have to say, laughing at silly jokes, discussing about recent pictures are memories enough to last for the moments when you are away. Your sudden announcement about your leaving nights ago made me realised that I have been relying too much on you... I have to start adapting to life without you. I always hate goodbyes especially with my close friends, but again.. your leaving is all for your own good so I will pray for all the best for you. Because of you, I was reluctant to bid farewell to 2010. I need more time to prepare myself to stay away from you, and need time to stop myself from thinking of you the first thing when I am dealing with any obstacles or problems. And today, I told myself... The first day of the year will be the last time I spend quiet moments with you. This is the day I will do less talking and listen more to you, so that I remember how your voice sounds like... This is the day I will look you at you more in the eye, so that I remember how honest you are to me... This is the day I will laugh together with you, so that I remember how happy your face is... Thank you for spending those moments with me. With these, I am finally ready to say goodbye to 2010 and welcome 2011 with new resolutions. I promise, you will see a new me when you come back again. =)

A moment belongs to only both of us...

Infatuation

2010-12-21T19:21:00.009+08:00

She made an appearance in your life.

Seeing her together with you, made me felt a pang of jealousy in my heart.

Seeing her sitting in your car made me realised I'm not the only one in your life anymore.

Seeing her sharing food + drinks with us made me felt threatened.

Seeing her almost at every outing of ours tells me that although she's new but she's standing in an equal position as I am.

Ever since that night, I became very possessive of you..

I realised I think of you more often than before...

I wish to know what you are doing every day, every moment...

I wish that I could cross your mind too - even if it's not frequent...

I wish I could read your mind, so that I can stop guessing...

I wish you could give me some hints so that I wouldn't think too much...

Everytime my message tone beeps, I hope it was you, and at times you didn't disappoint me - it was you!

Everytime listening to your voice when you called, I just couldn't get enough of it... Time seems to pass faster talking to you...

Everytime I saw your face, I felt like it was the first time knowing you - as you had too many secrets within you...

Everytime during our outings, no matter with many friends around, or left only you and me - I always felt there's only you with me. Without you, life seems a little bit too lonely.

I drink what you like to drink.

I eat what you like to eat.

I listen to songs that you are listening to.

Whatever you say say is always right, and gradually became stupid in front of you.

However, as you and her becoming closer, things become clearer.

I think I can adapt well in life even without you.

I think I can even do better with giving my blessings to both of you.

I think I am just temporarily jealous because all the while I was the only one around you. Another girl's appearance actually made me scared of losing you. But I learnt true friendships won't be lose easily, right?

I thought I fall for you, but it was just a wrong feeling I had!!!

So now I know... Why had I let you to have such impact in me.

It was all because of infatuation. I was completely carried away by you, but those strong and intense feelings only lasted for a very short moment...

Uncomfortable

2010-10-07T18:59:00.005+08:00

I didn't know since when you have such an impact in my life. I didn't know when have I let you entered my heart and my mind, which i have closed up for so many years. I've always thought I treat you the same like the others, not realizing that I've done too much for you. I didn't know that there is another person's existence around you other than me. And when finally this person shows up, I am feeling threatened. I began to worry if I will lose you someday, as I'm not the only one anymore. I could feel my hands shaking and fingers trembling when I saw another person's entering your car. I forced a smile when you saw me too. I couldn't control the shakiness in my voice when you said "Hi" to me. I wasn't sure why was I feeling so anxious, so uneasy... that my heart could burst out any second. I can't really have fall for you, can I? I hope... You didn't notice any of my uncomfortable feelings just now.

Distraction

2010-09-29T00:08:00.002+08:00

It's really time to stop procrastinating!
I have to catch up on what I've missed for the past few weeks...

And in order to keep up my speed...
I need to stop being distracted by you!
Seriously, I need to stop thinking about you every now and then!

But, gosh... why do I still miss you when I'm already spending so much of time with you...
I have to keep myself away from you, until my finals is done!!
And that is another one and a half month.. guess i can't stay put for that long.

*heavy sigh*

Breather

2010-09-21T23:41:00.002+08:00

I need a place to express myself, I need to take a breather - that's why I'm here.
I wonder is it my mood swings or I am genuinely feeling downright upset.
The thought of separating with my friends scared me...
Realization kinda hits me when a close friend of mine told me he's going to search for a job overseas... And just a week ago, another friend said he might work at another state. As for myself, when I get graduate I might not be working in KL too...
I've always known that people do part ways when we grow up, but I didn't know that it would be so fast, and I'm not ready to accept any of it.

What happens if I don't get to meet them like I always see them every week?
What happens if I can't see them if I miss them?
What happens when all of us are too busy to keep in touch?
I guess I will only know the answers years later...

Suddenly I lost my mood in doing anything...

Lucky

2010-09-20T01:19:00.003+08:00

I am lucky to have met you, and even more lucky to get to know you
I am lucky that we could share our thoughts and laughter
I am lucky that you were there when I was having a rough time
I am lucky that you are here to help when I'm in need
I am lucky that I am close to you, in a way that you don't treat others the same

But the only one unlucky thing is...
You do not belong to me.

New Look!

2010-09-17T15:33:00.003+08:00

Finally...

After using the same template for years, it's time for a change! I've spent some time looking for the designs I like. And at last, chosen this as my new look.

It's time to provide my readers something fresh =)

A Weekend Getaway!

2010-09-13T21:42:00.006+08:00

It's been a while since my last holiday, and definitely been years with this bunch of friends. We have been talking about going for a trip forever, but never had the effort and time to do so - until this recent Raya holidays.

Our destination - Langkawi! A place full of cheap liquor and chocolates! =)

During our 3 days 2 nights stay, we only went to very few places - thanks to the nice beach right in front of our resort. Mutiara Burau Bay Resort has its own beachside, and we saw a lot of foreigners with bikinis which benefited the guys a lot. =) The beach although not as sandy and smooth as the one I stepped on in Redang Island, but this is good enough for a relaxing stay.

First day of trip, we went to the Underwater World. Saw a varieties of fishes, and the guys keep on commenting on how nice the fishes taste if they were to be steamed, fried or grilled... >.<> next destination when dinner was done. We took photos in the dark, and promised to return for better photos the next day. When night falls, games started and everyone starts drinking...

Due to the effects of alcohol, we all slept in late and had a late breakfast. We kept our promise and went back to Dataran Lang once more. The weather was really killing us, and we decided to get something cold - ice cream! Shopping comes next and being the typical shopaholic, I carried a pair of Nike shoes back. I REALLY ought to have some self-control.. or should i say money management... But who cares? i love those shoes :p

And again, the guys can't wait to return to the beachside for more fun moments. We had a very late dinner accompanied by dozens and dozens of mosquitoes... The experience was not too bad though because we had the restaurant to all ourselves only without any other customers. After dinner, the guys proceed with buying more beers to start their night. Last day, we all slept in late.. again. We all had breakfast in our resort this time, and packed our stuff. After checking out, we explored the beach and found many nice spots for picture-snapping time. Our last visit was the cable-car ride. The scenery up there was beautiful, and the best part was we had awesome breeze blowing to keep us cold.

Very quickly, it's time for us to bid goodbye to Langkawi...

If you ask me, was this trip fun? I would say yes.. Not because of the place, not because of the food, or anything else - but it's because of the crowd whom I went with. The best part of a trip is to be surrounded with laughter with the people I loved. =)

-A piece of happy memory from the trip-

Simplicity

2010-07-21T22:11:00.001+08:00

Today is a simple day.

I finished my report 2 days before due date.
I finished my class early today.
I bought 2 new books back home for a good read.
I saw a beautiful blue sky across my head while I'm driving home.
I had a wonderful afternoon nap.

Being simple is being happy.
I am in a good mood. =)

Too scared to fall...

2010-07-12T23:36:00.004+08:00

It's been a long time since I update my blog. It seems time is not allowing me to do so, and being a sick weakling does not help things either. For the past 2 months, I've been taking medication on and off. Sickness seems to have like me a lot these days.

I was never a miracle believer although I always told people around me "Miracles will only happen if you believe in them." I didn't even let myself a chance to try believing because I was scared that I will be disappointed if it don't happen on me. I dislike of not being able to control things, thus I chose to believe in hardwork. I know if I put in enough effort, my hardwork will pay off -eventually. I chose to rely on myself rather than letting luck get into in my way.

As I grow, I learn that things do not come easily as I was a child. As an adult, I have unlimited goals to achieve and expectations to meet. At the same time, I too learnt that the higher expectation I have, the greater chance of disappointment I will face. Because of this, I've chosen to walk on the safer side of the road - avoiding any risks possible.

In my studies, I always aim higher so that if I do not get good grades, at least I won't fail.

In my family, I am always happy so that they won't know if I'm upset.

In frienship, I'm always the kind friend and will never say "NO" so that I can be a responsible friend. But, since when being a friend is a responsibility?

In love life, I never dared to take the first step, and also dared not accept the first step from others. I cannot see myself revealing my true heart to someone else. I cannot see myself depending my happiness on someone else's shoulder. I cannot see myself crying my heart out loud if my relationship fails. Recently a friend said she is very sure that she must have owed her boyfriend too much in the pastlife that makes her unable to leave him at all. Seeing her being so in love, but at the same time flowing endless tears, I really do not know if this is worth it. To be happy for her to have found her true love, or to be worried that she will get hurt someday.

I might not experience a love like this as i'm just too scared to fall... Although I'm on the safe side, however life will be bland I know. But, this is what I choose - for now.

Life's Like This

2010-05-05T16:55:00.003+08:00

This is a hectic semester.

Too hectic till I don't have a proper time to post up a single update about my life. Am not only busy in studying, but also contributing to school events. It's too tired to sit in front of the monitor to write out a story. I need more time to sleep.. Why are we not getting 72 hours a day?

Today is an exception is because I need a place to de-stress myself. Yes, it's the exam period again. The time which I dreaded most as exams often make me lose confidence in everything I'm doing. Ever since a child, I was never really bad in examinations, and in fact I had very good results. But as I grow up, getting good grades seems too much like a dream as I'm pursuing a difficult course. People around me often asked "Have you ever regret in doing this course?" or "Do you think it's a bit wasteful of time to pursue this course as you have to repeat your pre-u?" And no matter how many times I reply, the answer remains the same. "No." Never regret a decision in your life no matter it's right or wrong. If it's wrong, learn from the mistake and never to repeat it again. This is my principle in leading my life. Why wanna dread on a past decision when now is the moment to determine the future? Dreading on the past is just too wasteful.

But, sometimes no matter how many times I assure myself that this is the right decision, I can't help feeling upset when I can't keep up with my expectations. Things get a little out of control when the efforts I've put in is not paid off. This makes me doubt myself - whether I'm good enough or not, whether i can perform well, and whether i can prove the world that i can really do it. I realise things are getting nowhere when my confidence level is running low, but still I can't help feeling this in me.

Writing it out in my blog post helps to regain my confidence as I'm done with my self-motivation pep talk. While writing this piece of post, I keep on recalling myself of the past - where i know when i've done great, and also reminding myself that i actually have more in myself. I have yet to show the world my best and will continue to work hard. There's no limitation on being better. It's just doing greater than being just great.

A Busy Life I Have

2009-12-17T22:58:00.002+08:00

The last month of the year is here, again. December always meant to be holidays until this year. I've been very busy doing all sorts of things since 2 months before final papers, and I thought I could take a breather after that. But, I was so wrong to hope for fresh air after the final papers. Workload keeps coming in, and I'm always checking my to-do list if I've left out something undone. I don't mind working if all the efforts I've put in are not in waste, however things are not going smooth at all. I've searched hard for solutions to problems but along the way, I've let people down. All I could give is "no" as answer, and that's not people want to hear. Things are getting very tensed up and I myself don't even have time for my own.

But the fact that saddens me most - I haven't yet to spend quality time with my family and friends, and this Christmas season will be ruined altogether. Well, my Christmas wish this year? I'll be able to finish all the tasks in my hands before Decembers ends... Sacrificing holidays, family, and friends.. I certainly hope that all this is worth it.

Holiday Is Here

2009-11-26T01:10:00.003+08:00

After struggling for more than a month for my deadly exams, here I am having my sweet reward - holiday for a month. Holiday is meant to recharge myself from the previous tiring process, but little did I knew I am too busy to rest this holiday. Not that I'm complaining because I am enjoying every moment from it. Days went by too fast - until I couldn't catch up with the time, in just a blink of eye, here comes the end of year again. And dear is off to UK for more than a month. Holiday never seems to be the same without her. No matter how busy, or how pack my schedule is... it's just a bit too lonely without her. Thanks to the technology nowadays, I'm able to talk to her via internet. And not to forget my cousin sis. I misses her a lot too.

Although I am worrying for my results now and then, I told myself to enjoy my holiday.I will savor my holiday until the last bit as I deserve it.

When I Abandoned My Blog...

2009-10-18T01:27:00.011+08:00

For the past one month, I've been too busy to update my blog (there's always quizzes to study + assignments due date to be met) , and when I have that time, I did not have the mood to write. Partly, I lost the motivation to continue updating when I know my dear was leaving soon to UK. I guess life will always be a little lonely without my dear by my side. I said before, I am a person who adapt to changes easily, but never readily. If there's a choice, I would have chosen to stay the same always. But, there's no way for us to stop growing up and seeing people around us leaving. What we can do is to keep moving on - happily. =)

With the great invention of webcam, there's not so much of distance between us afterall. All we need is a little arrangement plus a little bit of effort and there's always time for a catch up. I had very fun time having Skype session with my cousin sister and dear dear. It's really happy to see them both healthy and cheerful. It seems life's treating them very good. And I hope it goes the same until the end of their stay over there.

Life's been treating me well too. I was in a slight depression mode 2 days ago, but was quickly cheered by a whole bunch of friends. "Family" took me went shopping and told me the best cure for a girl's depression is to shop our hearts' out. I have the sudden urge to swipe my card until it reach its limit - but again, that was just a thinking (and already it made me felt so much better) In the end, I bought myself a top using my own cash, and that was enough to keep my mood up, as I know deep down in heart, what really lifted my mood was not really buying stuff, but the accompany of my "family". "Yum cha" at the lakeside, surrounded by friends and laughter completed my day. ^^

A lot had happened in the whole past month, and it's too tiring to list out events one by one. Hence, I'll let the pictures to do all the talking. =)

A pleasnt surprise indeed =)

The great gathering!

Kelly's 21st + farewell. Aww.. I'll miss her so much!

Dear dear's surprise farewell by me =) Thanks everyone for the success!

It's been some time I took picture with you girls...

Birthday celebration for Phy, Jason & CM.

Sushi King RM2 feast - Look at the smiley faces all around! ^^

I Am Happy for You

2009-08-09T01:44:00.004+08:00

For a moment, I remembered our promise - to stay by each other's side, watching our success together. But again, we parted ways as we had different dreams, different goals. We promised to keep in touch, and to update each other about what's happening in our lives. But, little did I realized... we are abandoning our promise, and had very minimal contact. We were busy exploring new things and friends, and we let life drag our relationship apart. We haven't seen each other for more than 6 months, and yet it feels normal. more than normal actually. I can't really be sure when is our next meeting, as I don't see myself meeting you anymore. The thought of seeing you again is so unreal.

However, never did I thought you will shut me out from one of your life's most memorable event. My mood came crashed down when I saw those pitures of yours with your smile plastered across your face. And I thought we were friends... How could you count me out? I've always told myself, no matter what happens or no matter how far we've distanced, you'll always be one of the tops of my guest list in all my important events. Like I always say, you're still different from the others...

Despite all, I'm happy for you. Although I am no longer part of your happiness, and never will as I can see, I'm still happy for you. I really am.

Hking "expedition" [180709]

2009-07-31T21:03:00.009+08:00

Ever since young, I've always been weak in sports. If there's a choice, I will rather sit in a room and read a good book, or played a few of those mastermind games than having a match of badminton. I remembered during secondary school, it was compulsory for every student to participate in at least one game representing the class. And I always participated in chess. I've won medals, but somehow never felt proud as I grew older I didn't have the courage to participate in any outdoor activities. I've missed my chance to learn how to play badminton.
I've missed my chance to learn how to play volleyball.
I've never learned how to cycle. And that's a real disadvantage!!
During secondary four, thanks to my dear, I at last participated in a different game. I involved myself in netball and basketball. Although I was not good, but I felt good. I've went to a camping trip in secondary six, and it was the one and only.

The only sports I felt confident in was swimming. I took swimming classes as young as 7 years old, and never regretted that I am able to swim! I told myself, if there's a chance to turn back the time, I will try to be more active outdoors...

When a coursemate organized a mini hiking trip, I was more happy than to say yes.
I know I might be the slowest and weakest among all.
I know I might be whining and groaning when I sweat like hell, or tired till I barely walk.
I know I might not be able to even make it - as I have very low stamina.
And yet, I refused to sit at home seeing all the others going.

On a wonderful Saturday morning, all 14 of us gathered and went to "Ah Pak Shan" at Cheras. We were all looking fresh - before we started our journey up the hill. The ojective of the day was to reach the waterfall. No waterfall, no turning back!

The guys posing randomly or.. should i say stupidly? :p

The girls ready to make the 1st step...

It has proven that I made the right choice... ^^ I enjoyed the hiking "trip". I kinda worried my coursemates I think. All the way uphill, I've been hearing different people calling out my name.
"Be careful ya mina.. ", "Ga yao oh mina", "Still can or not mina?", "tired or not mina?", "need help or not mina?". I was not the last, nor the weakest. I managed to catch up with the rest of them, and wondering why they were so concerned. I don't really feel too suffering actually. But again, I might be portraying a near-to-death look. >.<

I love this picture!! ^^

I'm seriously surrounded by trees and bushes - in the middle of nowhere..

My study companion.. We've been through a lot during study break, and hence the good relationship among us. =)

Part of my "family" members.. Am glad to have found them in this tough 4-year course.

They brought me smiles and laughters!

The "hiking" expedition took us almost 5 hours to finish the whole journey. Although it was tiring, but very rewarding. To be able to spend quality time together with my beloved coursemates, who cares if I have a few bruises here and there, or if I can barely walk the next day because of the muscle pains and cramps? The memory is enough to ease away those pains.

It was my first hiking experience, but definitely not the last!