It's been a long time since I update my blog. It seems time is not allowing me to do so, and being a sick weakling does not help things either. For the past 2 months, I've been taking medication on and off. Sickness seems to have like me a lot these days.



I was never a miracle believer although I always told people around me "Miracles will only happen if you believe in them." I didn't even let myself a chance to try believing because I was scared that I will be disappointed if it don't happen on me. I dislike of not being able to control things, thus I chose to believe in hardwork. I know if I put in enough effort, my hardwork will pay off -eventually. I chose to rely on myself rather than letting luck get into in my way.



As I grow, I learn that things do not come easily as I was a child. As an adult, I have unlimited goals to achieve and expectations to meet. At the same time, I too learnt that the higher expectation I have, the greater chance of disappointment I will face. Because of this, I've chosen to walk on the safer side of the road - avoiding any risks possible.



In my studies, I always aim higher so that if I do not get good grades, at least I won't fail.

In my family, I am always happy so that they won't know if I'm upset.

In frienship, I'm always the kind friend and will never say "NO" so that I can be a responsible friend. But, since when being a friend is a responsibility?

In love life, I never dared to take the first step, and also dared not accept the first step from others. I cannot see myself revealing my true heart to someone else. I cannot see myself depending my happiness on someone else's shoulder. I cannot see myself crying my heart out loud if my relationship fails. Recently a friend said she is very sure that she must have owed her boyfriend too much in the pastlife that makes her unable to leave him at all. Seeing her being so in love, but at the same time flowing endless tears, I really do not know if this is worth it. To be happy for her to have found her true love, or to be worried that she will get hurt someday.

I might not experience a love like this as i'm just too scared to fall... Although I'm on the safe side, however life will be bland I know. But, this is what I choose - for now.