Confession
I knew this day will come, when we were getting really close. The day when we would finally sit and talk about us. I'm more ready to talk, and listen to you after I drink. I kinda expected what you will tell me, and yet I need the alcohol effect to give me more courage. You told me I was not sober, I said "I'm super sober". Because if I don't, I won't be able to remember every single word you said on that night.
Our conversation that night, our confessions to each other made my heart sank bit by bit. Yes, i think I'm losing you. You're losing me. Maybe not for long, but at this short term where you and I needed a space to breathe. You never wanna lose me you said. I never wanna see you leave I said. But, how honest were we that night? Honesty, you told me is an important thing. You told me about your family, about trust. You once told me before that you have shown me your true feelings so much more compared to what you have shown others, because you have trust issues. And then, now I wonder will you still be able to show me your feelings honestly after our conversation that night?
All our words were still in the back of my mind. I can accept every word from you, I can understand what you've been thinking. I can rationalise your actions. I can be what you want me to be. Until the next morning came, you've showed me how little you can do for me, when I can do so much for you.
"Dear... I am really sorry if I made u angry or upset... I tend to do that a lot.."
"I really like u also... But I know one day, sooner or later I'll make u unhappy. I'm afraid of losing u. I'm scared of losing u by making mistakes. I always make mistakes"
The reason why I can still uphold my trust in you, is because of the messages you've sent me before. The way you said it, so sincere that I want to believe in you. But again, not because you've warned me before that you will make me unhappy one day means I deserve to be hurt. So, keep your promise that you will forever be afraid to lose me.
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