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My life, My memory, My dream

It is one of those moody nights again, where I'm checking in here to write a #moodpost. Can't believe it's already more than a month since we last talked. I've imagined a hundred, perhaps a thousand times on how we would eventually lost in touch, however this is not something I would expect - cold turkey. It was an ordinary day, and it only took a few lines to stop all the communication we had before. 

It takes only days to develop a bad habit, however a much longer time to break that off. Seeing each other for 5 times a week, and daily texts for the past one year is like a bad habit for me. No matter whether it shines or rains, I would always turn to you. Only after you left,  I realize I've been relying on you that much. I knew I shouldn't have depended on someone impermanent in my life. Knowing that you will leave someday but somehow didn't stopped myself from doing so.

When it first happened, I was disappointed in you. However, later I learned that feelings of disappointment stem from having expectations of another person that go unfulfilled. So, it could have been me. I shouldn't have thought we were different, shouldn't have expected otherwise. Maybe we were never on the same page on how bonding works.

Perhaps the days were so fine, and you provided such comfort that I just let myself being taken care of. Perhaps the memories were so wonderful that it's hard to let them go, and to even think of them to be happening again would be too wishful. Perhaps, just perhaps one day all these will past.
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Also known as the toilet roll birthday 😂😂😂
This week, I managed to go back home for birthday with my family. Not expecting any celebrations cause it's still conditional movement control order (CMCO) afterall. Had a small warm celebration with my family, and of course mummy cooked a table full of my favourite food. 
Thank you daddy, mummy, gor and jie ❤
My adventurous bunch made dinner plans, and for the first time in 3 months I had steamboat. Throughout dinner, the house was filled with our laughter and non-stop chats. The girls bought me a cake, but little did I know it was a toilet roll shape. I burst into laughter and broke into tears when the cake was brought out. These girls really do know the way to my heart with their mischievous ways. 
My adventurous bunch
A big thank you to my dear who never failed to be there for my birthday. 
"A true friend is someone who would always love you - the imperfect you, the confused you, the wrong you."  Dear is exactly someone like this, seen me at my worst and yet accepting me for who I am. 
Surprise delivery of dear's handmade burnt cheese cake 
This birthday, I learnt something new. It doesn't takes much effort to be happy when I'm surrounded by my family and chosen family. I do not know how many more years we will be keeping in touch, or how long we will be friends, but I know many many years later even if we meet again you girls are still family by heart. 
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On March 18th, 2020 our federal government dropped us the big blow. Movement control order (MCO) was put in place to the country - where our people had to adhere to a new set of rules in order to curb COVID-19, which was declared pandemic by WHO. 

This is a whole new experience to me as I never thought I would live to see a day where the whole wide world is against the same threat. Vacations and flights are cancelled, separated from the loved ones, facing the fear of being infected. New rules include staying in home, wearing face masks at all times outside, closing all restaurants / schools / offices, no interstate travels, one person in a car, and roadblocks everywhere. We are only allowed to go out to buy essentials and groceries, no outing after 7pm (at Temerloh).

Slowly, more new adaptations came flowing in. Working from home (WFH) was introduced, and we started to split into two teams where we had to practice social distancing to minimise the risk of exposure. Daily hand-washing, going straight into the shower after work are the new norms.

Since when going back home is a danger and fear? Perhaps the nature needs a little rest. Let's take a break while it heals and learn how not to take things for granted and to appreciate every little love in us. And maybe, I should start some workout challenges to achieve that #MCObody💪 #stayhome #juststayhome
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When I was younger, I imagined that 2020 is a year where cars will fly, domestic maids are replaced by AIs. There would be UFOs, and people might actually travel to the moon. That's what the teachers taught us to imagine when we were to write an essay on "Vision 2020".

Nothing of the above turned out to be true, instead we were slapped by Covid-19 pandemic. A real tight slap in our faces and suddenly everything comes to a halt. Now that the most anticipated year has arrived, I'm just another year older - waiting for miracles to happen, dreams to be realized. While the whole nation is slowing down our paces to fight the virus, trying to flatten the curve, here I found some free time to write.

2019 had been a roller-coaster ride. Ups, downs and ended quickly like a flash. Had a few trips with family and friends, looked into a different side of the world  - spent quality time and took time to rest and recharged. Bonded well with my adventurous bunch and took up hiking as weekend activity. As much as I hate hiking, I love spending time with these people as they always give me the most positive vibes and telling me nothing is really impossible. I've come to like working out sessions and feeling the endorphins release gives me much satisfaction. Went for diving again after 6 years, reunited with long-time friends are all sweet encounters. 

Of course, life is not always beautiful. Work had been a pain this year. Too much of politics, and too much of favoritism. Waking up to work daily became a hateful routine, however things were made easier with my housemates around. Daily cooking session became the only thing I looked forward to on working days. I guess it's really time to leave Temerloh. Everything has come to a plateau and there's not much job satisfaction these days. 

Opened up my heart and believed in something again only to be brought down to disappointment. I've read before somewhere that we should indulge and embrace our feelings for it says if we fully experience those feelings then detachment is possible. I'm someone who doesn't like parting with a memory in my life, but sometimes holding makes the heart heavy. 

2020, you've been quite harsh as you came along. However, I'm ready for all you have in store. Bring it on! 

"I think part of growing up is learning how to sit down the floor with all your things and figuring out what to take with you and what to leave behind." - Hannah Brencher 

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About Me

About Me

Hi there! This is a personal space where I pour all my thoughts and mood posts into words. A place of serenity during sleepless midnights, and where I return to look at how far I've come and what had life gave me.



Live well, laugh more, love much. X

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