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My life, My memory, My dream

She made an appearance in your life.

Seeing her together with you, made me felt a pang of jealousy in my heart.

Seeing her sitting in your car made me realised I'm not the only one in your life anymore.

Seeing her sharing food + drinks with us made me felt threatened.

Seeing her almost at every outing of ours tells me that although she's new but she's standing in an equal position as I am.

Ever since that night, I became very possessive of you..

I realised I think of you more often than before...

I wish to know what you are doing every day, every moment...

I wish that I could cross your mind too - even if it's not frequent...

I wish I could read your mind, so that I can stop guessing...

I wish you could give me some hints so that I wouldn't think too much...

Everytime my message tone beeps, I hope it was you, and at times you didn't disappoint me - it was you!

Everytime listening to your voice when you called, I just couldn't get enough of it... Time seems to pass faster talking to you...

Everytime I saw your face, I felt like it was the first time knowing you - as you had too many secrets within you...

Everytime during our outings, no matter with many friends around, or left only you and me - I always felt there's only you with me. Without you, life seems a little bit too lonely.

I drink what you like to drink.

I eat what you like to eat.

I listen to songs that you are listening to.

Whatever you say say is always right, and gradually became stupid in front of you.

However, as you and her becoming closer, things become clearer.

I think I can adapt well in life even without you.

I think I can even do better with giving my blessings to both of you.

I think I am just temporarily jealous because all the while I was the only one around you. Another girl's appearance actually made me scared of losing you. But I learnt true friendships won't be lose easily, right?

I thought I fall for you, but it was just a wrong feeling I had!!!

So now I know... Why had I let you to have such impact in me.

It was all because of infatuation. I was completely carried away by you, but those strong and intense feelings only lasted for a very short moment...
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I didn't know since when you have such an impact in my life. I didn't know when have I let you entered my heart and my mind, which i have closed up for so many years. I've always thought I treat you the same like the others, not realizing that I've done too much for you. I didn't know that there is another person's existence around you other than me. And when finally this person shows up, I am feeling threatened. I began to worry if I will lose you someday, as I'm not the only one anymore. I could feel my hands shaking and fingers trembling when I saw another person's entering your car. I forced a smile when you saw me too. I couldn't control the shakiness in my voice when you said "Hi" to me. I wasn't sure why was I feeling so anxious, so uneasy... that my heart could burst out any second. I can't really have fall for you, can I? I hope... You didn't notice any of my uncomfortable feelings just now.
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It's really time to stop procrastinating!
I have to catch up on what I've missed for the past few weeks...

And in order to keep up my speed...
I need to stop being distracted by you!
Seriously, I need to stop thinking about you every now and then!

But, gosh... why do I still miss you when I'm already spending so much of time with you...
I have to keep myself away from you, until my finals is done!!
And that is another one and a half month.. guess i can't stay put for that long.

*heavy sigh*

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I need a place to express myself, I need to take a breather - that's why I'm here.
I wonder is it my mood swings or I am genuinely feeling downright upset.
The thought of separating with my friends scared me...
Realization kinda hits me when a close friend of mine told me he's going to search for a job overseas... And just a week ago, another friend said he might work at another state. As for myself, when I get graduate I might not be working in KL too...
I've always known that people do part ways when we grow up, but I didn't know that it would be so fast, and I'm not ready to accept any of it.

What happens if I don't get to meet them like I always see them every week?
What happens if I can't see them if I miss them?
What happens when all of us are too busy to keep in touch?
I guess I will only know the answers years later...

Suddenly I lost my mood in doing anything...
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I am lucky to have met you, and even more lucky to get to know you
I am lucky that we could share our thoughts and laughter
I am lucky that you were there when I was having a rough time
I am lucky that you are here to help when I'm in need
I am lucky that I am close to you, in a way that you don't treat others the same

But the only one unlucky thing is...
You do not belong to me.
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Finally...

After using the same template for years, it's time for a change! I've spent some time looking for the designs I like. And at last, chosen this as my new look.

It's time to provide my readers something fresh =)
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It's been a while since my last holiday, and definitely been years with this bunch of friends. We have been talking about going for a trip forever, but never had the effort and time to do so - until this recent Raya holidays.

Our destination - Langkawi! A place full of cheap liquor and chocolates! =)

During our 3 days 2 nights stay, we only went to very few places - thanks to the nice beach right in front of our resort. Mutiara Burau Bay Resort has its own beachside, and we saw a lot of foreigners with bikinis which benefited the guys a lot. =) The beach although not as sandy and smooth as the one I stepped on in Redang Island, but this is good enough for a relaxing stay.

First day of trip, we went to the Underwater World. Saw a varieties of fishes, and the guys keep on commenting on how nice the fishes taste if they were to be steamed, fried or grilled... >.<> next destination when dinner was done. We took photos in the dark, and promised to return for better photos the next day. When night falls, games started and everyone starts drinking...

Due to the effects of alcohol, we all slept in late and had a late breakfast. We kept our promise and went back to Dataran Lang once more. The weather was really killing us, and we decided to get something cold - ice cream! Shopping comes next and being the typical shopaholic, I carried a pair of Nike shoes back. I REALLY ought to have some self-control.. or should i say money management... But who cares? i love those shoes :p

And again, the guys can't wait to return to the beachside for more fun moments. We had a very late dinner accompanied by dozens and dozens of mosquitoes... The experience was not too bad though because we had the restaurant to all ourselves only without any other customers. After dinner, the guys proceed with buying more beers to start their night. Last day, we all slept in late.. again. We all had breakfast in our resort this time, and packed our stuff. After checking out, we explored the beach and found many nice spots for picture-snapping time. Our last visit was the cable-car ride. The scenery up there was beautiful, and the best part was we had awesome breeze blowing to keep us cold.

Very quickly, it's time for us to bid goodbye to Langkawi...

If you ask me, was this trip fun? I would say yes.. Not because of the place, not because of the food, or anything else - but it's because of the crowd whom I went with. The best part of a trip is to be surrounded with laughter with the people I loved. =)


-A piece of happy memory from the trip-
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Today is a simple day.

I finished my report 2 days before due date.
I finished my class early today.
I bought 2 new books back home for a good read.
I saw a beautiful blue sky across my head while I'm driving home.
I had a wonderful afternoon nap.

Being simple is being happy.
I am in a good mood. =)
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It's been a long time since I update my blog. It seems time is not allowing me to do so, and being a sick weakling does not help things either. For the past 2 months, I've been taking medication on and off. Sickness seems to have like me a lot these days.



I was never a miracle believer although I always told people around me "Miracles will only happen if you believe in them." I didn't even let myself a chance to try believing because I was scared that I will be disappointed if it don't happen on me. I dislike of not being able to control things, thus I chose to believe in hardwork. I know if I put in enough effort, my hardwork will pay off -eventually. I chose to rely on myself rather than letting luck get into in my way.



As I grow, I learn that things do not come easily as I was a child. As an adult, I have unlimited goals to achieve and expectations to meet. At the same time, I too learnt that the higher expectation I have, the greater chance of disappointment I will face. Because of this, I've chosen to walk on the safer side of the road - avoiding any risks possible.



In my studies, I always aim higher so that if I do not get good grades, at least I won't fail.

In my family, I am always happy so that they won't know if I'm upset.

In frienship, I'm always the kind friend and will never say "NO" so that I can be a responsible friend. But, since when being a friend is a responsibility?

In love life, I never dared to take the first step, and also dared not accept the first step from others. I cannot see myself revealing my true heart to someone else. I cannot see myself depending my happiness on someone else's shoulder. I cannot see myself crying my heart out loud if my relationship fails. Recently a friend said she is very sure that she must have owed her boyfriend too much in the pastlife that makes her unable to leave him at all. Seeing her being so in love, but at the same time flowing endless tears, I really do not know if this is worth it. To be happy for her to have found her true love, or to be worried that she will get hurt someday.

I might not experience a love like this as i'm just too scared to fall... Although I'm on the safe side, however life will be bland I know. But, this is what I choose - for now.





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This is a hectic semester.
Too hectic till I don't have a proper time to post up a single update about my life. Am not only busy in studying, but also contributing to school events. It's too tired to sit in front of the monitor to write out a story. I need more time to sleep.. Why are we not getting 72 hours a day?

Today is an exception is because I need a place to de-stress myself. Yes, it's the exam period again. The time which I dreaded most as exams often make me lose confidence in everything I'm doing. Ever since a child, I was never really bad in examinations, and in fact I had very good results. But as I grow up, getting good grades seems too much like a dream as I'm pursuing a difficult course. People around me often asked "Have you ever regret in doing this course?" or "Do you think it's a bit wasteful of time to pursue this course as you have to repeat your pre-u?" And no matter how many times I reply, the answer remains the same. "No." Never regret a decision in your life no matter it's right or wrong. If it's wrong, learn from the mistake and never to repeat it again. This is my principle in leading my life. Why wanna dread on a past decision when now is the moment to determine the future? Dreading on the past is just too wasteful.

But, sometimes no matter how many times I assure myself that this is the right decision, I can't help feeling upset when I can't keep up with my expectations. Things get a little out of control when the efforts I've put in is not paid off. This makes me doubt myself - whether I'm good enough or not, whether i can perform well, and whether i can prove the world that i can really do it. I realise things are getting nowhere when my confidence level is running low, but still I can't help feeling this in me.

Writing it out in my blog post helps to regain my confidence as I'm done with my self-motivation pep talk. While writing this piece of post, I keep on recalling myself of the past - where i know when i've done great, and also reminding myself that i actually have more in myself. I have yet to show the world my best and will continue to work hard. There's no limitation on being better. It's just doing greater than being just great.




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About Me

Hi there! This is a personal space where I pour all my thoughts and mood posts into words. A place of serenity during sleepless midnights, and where I return to look at how far I've come and what had life gave me.



Live well, laugh more, love much. X

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