My life, My memory, My dream: April 2012

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This is not a planned date. This is just me wanting to spend an afternoon with you, the last one after a PBL session. We've had 2 semesters of PBL together, and believe me when I said I was feeling really lucky to have you in a group full of strangers. You're like a special appearance during my uni life - unexpected yet important. You came at the last year of our studies, from normal friends and in an instance we became very close. Sometimes, it feels like you can read me without me telling you what's in my mind. We've always had lunch and late afternoon tea together, I think we deserve a mini farewell - just the 2 of us; as work companion, as best friends who share heart-to-heart talks, as master and genie, as dear and bie.

Although the outing is like a usual one, but the feeling in my heart telling me it's an unusual one. This is gonna be the last time, I know. It feels like there's a heavy rock in my heart. An unmoved one. I do not know if I will get used to it in the future without us texting every single day, seeing each other almost each day, and having meals at every other day. Since I do not know, I just want to appreciate the time we spend together, for now.

As usual, a bowl is enough for two.

A movie about battle between aliens and the navy

The movie is quite a nice one, or maybe it's nice because we didn't expect to watch a movie. It was a spontaneous decision. No expectation, hence no disappointment. Or to me, it's nice maybe because I watched it with you.

I thought our night will end after a fulfilling dinner. But, the saying goodbye in car came to a stop when we were asked to to go for drinks (like usual). Again, like last week's routine, we drank, talked, laughed, and played. Again unplanned, we went to Zouk. Things always go crazy when the 4 of us are together, isn't it? With a pounding headache, I still enjoyed the night. Because I'm with my three most favourite people - my bie, my dear, my bro. Because of my headache, I feel that you are pampering me more tonight (I hope I'm not wrong...) You stroked my face gently, patted my head like I'm a small girl, hugged me ever so tightly, lifted me up and turned around twice. We hugged more tonight, because i can't dance much. I need to go slow, really slow cause' the head's gonna explode with the blaring music and blinking lights. I placed my hand on your chest, to feel your heartbeat. I wanna remember this moment. Then only I can detach myself.

I finished Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie last week. In there, it mentioned about feelings and detachment. During the silent hugs we had, I thought of the words in it.

Brought me tears with its beautifully written words

Quoted from the book:

Learn to detach... Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent... But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate fully. That's how you are able to leave it... Take any emotion -- love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions -- if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them -- you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that love entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then you can say, "All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment".

Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely -- but eventually be able to say, "All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I'm not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I'm going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I'm going to experience them as well."

p/s: I'm not afraid to miss you. No matter how heavy heart I will be, the emotion will be over when I've experienced it.

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Caution! This is a super long post! I've warned you.
Finally, March has come to an end. This is the month which I had 4 quizzes, and 3 weeks of clerkships in a row. I've worked hard, and played hard too. "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". I sacrificed my sleeping time so that I don't turn dull. Even on this last day of March, here I am typing away my assignment...

On a rainy Saturday afternoon

March has been a roller-coaster ride. Days can never be as busy as these.

A sneak peek on my fully packed planner

Friday (2/3)
It's daddy's birthday today. Some people say that every girl's first love is her dad. I strongly agree to this as my daddy is the first man who carried me in his arms, hugged me when I cried, and kissed me good night to sleep. I know someday I will find my prince charming, but he forever will remain as the king. =)

Happy daddy with his birthday cake!

Sunday (4/3)
Movie night with sister and friends. Had my first beanie seat experience, that's why it's worth to blog out. But, the movie was a disappointment. Even Nicholas Cage didn't made it up for me.

It wasn't up to my expectation >.<

Friday (9/3)
It's a regular date with my dear again. After a month of waiting each other, we finally got to watch this movie together. We made it a point to must watch this together, and indeed it was a good choice because we resembles the two best friends in the movie.

Action romantic comedy. A chick flick where you share good laughs with your girlfriend =)

One of the dialogue which reminds me of the friendship we share.
Lauren: Oh, i think I'm going to hell.
Trish: Don't worry. If you're going to hell, I'll just come pick you up.
I think that's what are friends for. Partners in crime, but loving each other at the same time.

Thursday (15/3)
After a quiz at the beginning of the month, and a week of clerkship, I need to de-stress. My best companion remains as my dear who accompanied me to movie, again. This time we opt for a relaxing cartoon - TheLorax. It wasn't as funny as how we thought, but I fell for the cute baby bear. It's so adorable that I felt like cuddling it right away.

It's not a peanut. It's The Lorax who speaks for the trees!

p/s: And again, you laughed at me saying that whenever I see cute things I will melt. Truth to be told, I do melt easily. Even at your smile, sometimes.

Sunday (18/3)
It's family day, and a day after sis-in-law's birthday. Just had my law quiz yesterday and hoped that I really do pass the paper. Forgetting about the quiz, daddy brought the family to a Japanese feast tonight which comes to a total bill of RM600++. Family day is such an expensive event.

Xenri, my favourite japanese restaurant so far

Monday (19/3)
On this day, I am to own absolute freedom for a week! Parents flew off to Taiwan for holiday. So much for having freedom, I've got no time to savour the taste of it because this is a super busy week. I know how hard it is to live without mum's cooking because I tend to skip meals because I'm too busy to even eat. If mum's around, I would have prepared food on the dining table waiting. I survived these few nights of dinner with the company of my BFFs. Thank you all! =)

Thursday (22/3)
The last day of paediatric department clerkship. I was already so exhausted that I could sleep standing, but still I asked for your company to have late lunch cum dinner with me. I never like you being dishonest to me, and hated it even more if I needed to lie to you. I'm glad that we made everything right today.
I still have this text in my phone...

You: Mina... Even when everyone doesn't trust me, u must trust me... K?
Me: Of course... Never gonna doubt u :)
You: Everyone else can think I'm stupid, immature or a bad person.. Only u cannot.

On the scale of trust of 1-10, you gave me a 7.5. Little did you know, I gave you a 10. Because this is what I've promised you.

Friday (23/3)
I only had less than 3 hours of sleep from last night due to the Admin quiz at 8am. Who has quiz at this early hour of the day?! My energy is all drained out, hence decided to skip the class after the paper. Before heading back home to my bed, I had early breakie with you, and then remembered that I was to go over dear's house to pick her up. It's our norm to sleep over at each other's place whenever our parents are not around. Thanks to you that I do not need to drive in a tired state as you drove me all the way to Kajang, despite being super tired yourself. My tiredness seems to have disappeared upon seeing dear's Genie. I've always been afraid of animals, but only Genie I am able to to touch and play with. I guess this is all because of dear. I love her, that's why it's easy to like her pet too. During the car journey, there were times my heart skipped a beat when we held hands. That reminds me that even when I was sleeping in another guy's hug I didn't feel a thing. I guess you're just a little different from the others.

At night was the time I spent with dear and her "family". We had dinner and went G6 for after-dinner drinks. I had report to be done and I was driving so I refrained myself from drinking too much. But, even after a couple of glasses the emotions took over me and in a sudden, I missed you so much. Can I don't ever drink without you around next time? This post-effect of alcohol is not something I can handle. :/ At that moment, I wished that you could just appear in front of me. Like magic.

Saturday (24/3)
Today began late because dear and I slept in the morning. Poor dear had to accompany me all night to finish up my clerkship report. Today is a very packed day. If we were to put everyone who tried to asked us out today, we will have to meet different people until the very next morning 7am. In the end, we only chose few friends to meet up, and said sorry to the others. Had a dinner full of laughter with Ti, drinking games and lotsa alcohol with birthday boy and friend, bie, and dear. Lastly, not to forget Mr. C who fetched dear and I back from birthday boy's house at 5 in the morning.

All-day breakfast at Austin Chase

Studying

Sunday (25/3)
Parents finally back from trip! Can't wait to see them after a week. I'm still daddy and mummy's girl afterall. Went to the airport to pick them up, but unfortunately was stuck in the jam while on the way back due to the Sepang F1 race. Dinner was dragged until 11 at night. Reached home tired, but happy to see souvenirs bought for me. After everyone is off to sleep, there I was alone again burning midnight oil for Pharmacoepidemiology paper tomorrow. Poor mieeee :'(

Thursday (29/3)
Finally, a meet-up dinner for the 4 of us - Terrina, KVD, ZY and I. It had been awhile since 4 of us hang out together. We used to always have drinks and chats together. I miss those days. The night ended with 2nd round yum cha session with my dear joining us.

Dinner for 4 @ Pastis's Dining

It's time to off to bed after working on this long draggy post. Nights. =)

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