Three words,
and it was enough to pushed me away.
"Sorry, personal matters..."
I couldn't remember the last time you didn't wanna tell me about your personal matters because we were always telling each other everything. You never attempt to hide your feelings in front of me. You scolded and cursed when you were angry, you drank when you were upset, you were vexed when your mood came crashed down, you told me when you missed me... But, these days I don't seem to know what's running in your mind. You don't show your feelings anymore because you seems to be not feeling anything. No happiness, no sadness. Just emptiness, emotionless. We don't talk as frequent as last time, and even if we do talk - we run out of topics so quickly that I think you can't wait to put the phone down and finally say "Goodnight, bie".
10 days ago, I said I'm leaving you because I don't want to be the one always left behind. The words I typed were slowly blurred. Once the tears started to flow, it wouldn't stop. After finished typing whatever I wanted to say, I cried even harder. It's like I'm really letting go. I don't know if this is what I want. I might just regret the next day when I wake up, I know.
What you don't realise... For me, knowing everything about you is not necessary, but knowing that you are alright is more important. The more I'm staying away from you, the more I think about you. Wanting to know if you are upset or unhappy at this moment. Wanting to know if you are lonely. Wanting to know if you are forcing a smile in front of others when actually all you want to do is to sleep all day long.
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