It's the first time in these 6 years, I have forgotten to be the first one to wish you Happy Birthday. I couldn't believe myself when I woke up this morning realising that you did not crossed my mind at all when the clock struck 12 last night. Last year, I almost forgot but didn't. This year I guess, you are finally out of my mind. I can finally stop feeling being obliged to be the first one to wish you every year. Although I did not wish you like every other years, I still hope that you had a great birthday because to me, you are always a little bit different from the others. A little bit more important, a little bit more special because you and I shared memories that others do not have. Happy Birthday, my old friend. May you have many many happy returns of the day, surrounded by your loved ones. =)
24th, The Eve
This year's eve wasn't planned at all. Dear and I only decided to meet up and then to follow the flow. Today started late - we said to meet by noon, but we ended up seeing each other at 7pm. Everywhere is full house at The Curve. Sis joined us for dinner, and due to her tight schedule we found an authentic Thai restaurant cum bar. I swear, that could have been on one of my top 5 list of worse dinner I've ever had. Not that the food tasted bad, but the music played almost burst my eardrums and the blinking lights (think of disco balls) got me into a headache. We ate as fast as we can and asked for the bill before I got myself deaf and blind on the eve. I can only say... This kind of ambience is only appropriate for clubbing, but not a dinner. Sister left after dinner, while dear and I went to shop around the flea market at The Street. Without realising, the clock strucked 12 and Christmas came. Our peaceful night came to a halt when friends called and asked to join them at Zouk. Then we clubbed the night away, with dear sleeping over at my place. Although things were unplanned, but we had great time together having each other as company.
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| Top: Candle light Xmas dinner with loud music & blinking lights, Bottom: We did ended up deafening ourselves at Zouk |
25th, The Day
It all started days before Christmas came...
... and so, I've got a date as promised. I was looking for a peaceful day after the happening night on the dance floor on the night before. The day started slowly with a simple lunch together, and sharing a bowl of Snowflakes as we missed it weeks ago due to a small car accident (well, not that I want to recall it). Today is a relaxing day as I had wished, with little walking and watching 2 movies back-to-back. Being sleep-deprived, I was sleepy in the cold, dark cinema, but resting my head on your shoulder seems to have made me feel less tired. Both "Sherlock Holmes" and "New Year's Eve" were good, I couldn't decide which is better as they are of a different genre.
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| Our first experience of GSC Signature falls on a rainy Christmas night |
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| *heart* receiving gifts - it's not about the value, it's the heart that counts =) |
It took me such a long time to find you a right gift, and finally I chose a watch which I think will look good on you, while you gave me a bottle full filled with stars, and promised me a star a day. I told you repetitively that I want the bottle to be full with stars, and you told me to be patient and will fill them up slowly (at least wait till your fingers are recovered from all the injuries from folding all these little sweet things). But, to think again, if our days are gonna end when the bottle is filled up (we are gonna graduate someday and part ways and you no longer will make me stars), I suddenly wish that the bottle cannot be filled full... I am not ready for a farewell, yet.
Just like that, Christmas ended. Simple yet memorable.
Someone just asked me this, "From STPM to A-levels... until Pharmacy today, your goal and vision is identical.. Why lost this time?"
Looking at this, I didn't know what to answer. Yes, I've came so far so why am I giving up now. I said "I thought I could see my future, but now I don't know what's my purpose anymore..."
Then he continued, "You are still seeing it, you are still walking towards it. Please don't go away at this moment. This is a 100km marathon run. You fell down here, maybe it's just another 1km ahead... By walk or by crawl also you need to reach the end point. Otherwise the previous 99km is meaningless. Maybe the coming paper can just let you walk another 10m further, but there's no reason to give up."
Suddenly I thought... Who am I to make people around me worried. Who am I to make friends come comforting me in the middle of the night. I told him "I promise I will try my best". He told me, "Not only do your best. I wish to see there's fire in both your eyes and heart :)"
To this, I can only say thank you, with no more words from me - because what I should do next is to strive harder to complete my 10m run tomorrow.
P/s: To an important someone, you will not run alone, because I'm with you.
To this, I can only say thank you, with no more words from me - because what I should do next is to strive harder to complete my 10m run tomorrow.
P/s: To an important someone, you will not run alone, because I'm with you.
I can hear Christmas bells ringing... It's only 10 days away from Christmas! Everything around me is Christmas-sy feel now ♥  |
| My current wallpaper, okayyy I'm a little |
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| My first Christmas gift of the year , pretty isn't it? ^^ |
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| Another early Christmas gift, cute & comfy neck rest |
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| And not to forget all the Christmas shopping for my loved ones, these are only a part of the buyings. I'm broke! |
If I am given a Christmas wish right now, I will wish for a graduation
A sprinkle of happiness today: I've got a Christmas date!
I'm giving you all my blessings...
I had been looking forward to this day, to meet your groom - the love of your life, and also to reunite with the long-time-no-see relatives. I miss the cousins, nephews, and nieces! Only on special occasions like these only we are able to meet. Relatives from Singapore, Segamat, and Seremban mostly came for this wedding dinner.
It feels like a KL-Selangor one day trip for sister and I. We rushed from place to place, doing various things. By the time we reached the restaurant for wedding dinner, we are totally exhausted. BUT, that didn't stopped us from snapping pictures.
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| My look of the night - *heart* the straightly blown hair |
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| He who made me smile with his way of talking and never-ending jokes =) |
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| Meet baby Hannah who caught my attention all night! Just can't leave my eyes off her =) |
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| My favourite nephew (he made our picture his profile pic in fb!) |
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| Lovely niece who will grow up into a pretty girl for sure ^^ |
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| I have to say, "You are the most beautiful bride I've ever seen" |
Thank God for giving me such a great family.
When I have family and friends that stand by me when I'm at my lowest moment,
When I have my dear to catch me from back if I fall,
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| Me, Bunnie, and Gongcha but you're not here... |
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| A comforting lunch with friends which lasted for 4 hours |
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| Another day with love - with lots of shopping, talking and sharing heart-to-heart |
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| The sisters *heart* Longchamp |
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| Gingerbread man and Bow are shhoooo cute! |
But somehow, the emptiness in heart can't be explained. I am sorry I do not know how to make myself feel better :(
Is it the tears or the tiredness...
When I know you are here to bring me an early Christmas.
I was serious when I said I didn't wanna share this with others as that moment only belonged to us.
Ever since the fall, my phone had never stopped ringing - from text messages to whatsapp to line to fb messages, and telephone calls. I know people around me are worrying about me, but I just do not have the mood to entertain any of them. If there is a choice, I would want to swallow myself into darkness and have zero contact with the outside world. The thought of graduating a year later is such a pain. The fact that I am to leave my my battle mates because I am too slow to catch up is even more pain. People keep on telling me not to give up and to stand up again after this fall. Me myself know that this is the right thing to do too, but doing is always harder than to say.
The reluctance to pick up my life led me to a complete different person. I do not care about others feelings, I do what I want. I can't listen to the words of concerns from other people, I do no bother to reply messages and phone calls. I was almost never home, as I was out everyday, everynight. I tired myself out every single night as I only came home in the morning and yet I couldn't put myself to sleep. My parents were worried for me, I know but I just couldn't help it. Friends cannot leave me alone as I'm such a mess. I do things I usually don't as if i am only living for today, like tomorrow never comes.
I see the worries in my parents' eyes. I see the concern from my siblings and friends. I know, even if I don't live for myself, I have to live for them. And so, I will try my very best to pick myself up, to pick up the bits and pieces of my shattered life and I will be my normal self again. I just need a little bit more time...
When I thought things are finally getting better, when I thought I could see the road ahead of me, reality tells me otherwise. I wasn't working hard enough, I wasn't good enough... That must be it. It was entirely my fault so I'm not blaming anyone nor blaming it to luck. I never believed in luck as I know when there's no effort, there's no gain. I told myself to work extra hard, to strive more than other people and yet I failed to do so. I failed my parents, my friends, and myself. So much so I do not believe in luck, I suddenly hope that miracle happens - like right now, right this moment.
Little comfort of the day: You came back for me, and the 100 missed calls were touching. Thanks.
