心情很低落。。。
觉得很心酸，很想哭。。。
无能为力，不知该如何事好。。。

为什么会变成这样呢？
不是说过会过的很好的吗？

我是真的相信他的。。。
我也知道，他是一个说到做到的人。
也许，他受的伤害真的很深。。。
他暂时爬不起来了。。。 她需要的是更多的时间。。。

只想告诉他，

“如果你不珍惜你自己，就再也没有人会珍惜你了。。。
不要再难为自己， 不吃不睡会让身体变坏。。。
也不要再道歉了。。。
这不是我认识的你。。。
朋友，快点醒过来吧。。。 ”

I've been lacking of sleep again. It's not that I'm complaining, I'm actually glad that I'm lacking of rest because of a few reasons. First of all, I went to movies with my family for the 2nd time in this year (I believe it's that few times we did this together... )
Unfortunately, brother couldn't make it. Mummy was waiting to watch Jackie Chan's Rush Hour 3 since before it was screened. So, I being the so-called planner, asked daddy to reach home earlier on Friday night so that we could all go for movies. We reached MidValley 6pm sharp and I managed to get us 4 tickets for 9pm show. That's quite lucky I know. Then I decided to buy the movie tickets for my Sat outing with dear, Caryn and Wen bin. My family and I decided to have dinner at San Francisco steakhouse where you could get good food and feel regret later on. Those food I've put into my mouth and digested was as sinful as ever. I couldn't count on how many calories I've eaten. Sigh... But the food was delicious though.
Movie with my family was great. We had some good laughs although the storyline was a bit simple. Then I reached home about 11.45pm, and that's when I decided to go out yum cha with my friends. I almost couldn't find a reason to get out of house without making my parents getting angry at me.
However, they really didn't get angry at all although I was to go out at 12am. I wonder what happened. Perhaps they are really in a good mood. At last I got to meet Kitt. He's going to fly off on Mon again, and I'll miss him a lot I know. After yum cha, the time was around 1am+ and I did the craziest decision ever. Kheen Yew, Kwok Shen and I decided to look for a place. A place where Kwok Shen and I had different memories there. A place where Kheen Yew needed to take a breather. (If you guys happen to read this, you all will know where I'm talking about, right? ^^ ) Well, we kinda reached that place, but couldn't find the exact spot of it. So we ended up driving in circles and at last gave up because time was catching up with us. I reached home by 3am... Got my sleep at 4am++ after tidying up myself and finished up writing the diary. *yawn*

Sat was a day I've been waiting for the whole week. It's my date with my darlings again. Dear and I met at Tasik Selatan ktm station. It's been some time we've taken a train together. But I was a little late because I missed the damn train due to some very slow-motion people doing their stuff, and couldn't decide to buy how many tickets.. oh my gosh, can't they just count using simple maths? Really can't understand them... Well, things go on smoothly after that. Met Caryn and Bin, and we had lunch together. Korean food this time. At least I had lots of vegetables today, so I felt less sinful.. :p Then we went for movies like usual - Evan Almighty. The movie was very funny. At the end of the movie, there was a man standing up in the cinema, and started singing, dancing and applause on how good that movie was. A GSC worker gotta calm him down, and he was like already "high". Dear and I had some good reasons to think of him as not-too-normal... I shouldn't have gone shopping, not even a window shopping, because I will end up buying. And yes indeed, I bought tops again today. I'm going for a bankruptcy soon. :(
We discovered a new place to dig into desserts after tired walking. We had fun sharing our sweet treats and chatting. I shouldn't be eating so much of sweet stuff. Sigh.. Then we started to camwhore. We took a whole lot of photos, and even made video clips today. All thanks to Caryn's and Wen Bin's brand new toys - Nokia 6110 and Sony Ericsson W850i. Hopefully I'll get the photos asap as I can't have it while they were exchanging files through Bluetooth. All i have in my phone is Infrared. But I love my phone still, although it's been quite an older model. It keeps a lot of fond memories. :)
So girls, send me those pictures quick! Love you all.

It's been some time that I've written my post so early in the morning. Although not really that early, but for me indeed it is. Well, I just had my piano examination at 9am just now. Hopefully I'll pass then I'm finish with my piano course. This is my last grade. My hopes are not high. All I need is merely a pass. I've been practicing everyday for at least an hour just for the performance of today's 1/2 an hour. I hope my time and effort are not wasted. I'll be devastated if I fail.
However, it's a relief that I went through my exam already. No more tight schedules on practicing piano.
Well, thanks to friends who wished me good luck the night before my exam. I still keep those sms-es. ^^
And also to a friend of mine, I'm really glad that you sms-ed me last night. I appreciate that. All the best to you in your job interview. I'll be waiting for your good news. *hugs*

I guess a girl's instincts is always right, isn't it?
When we girls have a strange feeling about something, it always turned out that what we felt has been right all along.
There are many a times, I hoped that my instincts weren't correct, and that I'm just being sensitive. But why... Why is it my feelings were accurate...
No matter it was a test that I haven't take it, but already had a bad feeling about it or about the time I sensed that he's actually lying to me...
Today again, my instincts told me that I shouldn't open that page. I shouldn't let it load in front of my eyes. I should not have clicked into it.
But yet, my curiosity and stubbornness won over my instincts. My heart told me that I have to know the answer. I was hoping it was not true when I saw the page, but I know hoping is for people who couldn't get what they want. And I'm a person who couldn't get what I want, that's why I'm hoping so much, so much until that I lost hope. The truth is harsh after all. Not all truths are nice, aren't they?

Why are there so many unanswered questions in my mind?
Why do I feel betrayed although I'm not?
Why do I feel so unfair?
Why do I have to be kind when I know I cannot stand it anymore?
Of all whys...
Why did I let myself clicked into the page?
Why just didn't I stop myself from doing that? What's the use of knowing the answer when I know I'm the one who will be ending up getting hurt all the time. I'm just being silly again.
This will be the last time I'm being stupid for you. I'm tired of asking why at myself all the time. Frequent questions without answers are not doing me any good.
Less expectations, less disappointments. I'll just put down my hopes and expectations from you....
I guess I'll believe my instincts next time, so that I won't end up hurting myself again. I'll be good at protecting myself, especially from you.

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit the new low
You're faking the smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

Sometimes the system goes on a blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion where you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

*****************************************************************************************************

In fact this song doesn't sound like I'm having a bad day. But the fact is, I really had a bad day. It is my sky which is fading into gray. It is my passion that is disappearing. My sadness and disappointment is so obviously written on my face that I couldn't even fake out a smile. I lost my appetite and couldn't find a way to gain back my confidence.
I worried my friends but is relieved they are there for me. Especially to a couple of girls who accompanied me throughout. And also to my dear.. Without you, I would be so lost.
I locked myself in the room once I reached home, and silently cried for a while. Then I cleared up my mind and told mum what had happened. She was understanding and comforted me all the way.
I never know what have I done to deserve such good parents and friends, but I'm sure glad to have done it.
To Denise: I promise that I'll be fine. Don't worry too much about me.
To jean Wei: Thank you for the accompany. Don't worry, I'll think of you very often. :)
To others: Sorry for causing such worries around you guys. I appreciate you all.
To my dear: I know you'll be here with me. I'm glad that I know you all along. *hugs*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KEY AND YUN...

10/8/2007
This post was supposed to be typed after the birthday celebration with them. But I was too tired to do so because I reached home very late or i could say it's very "early"... And the result of it, I was soooo lack of sleep. Friday morning I had my early class at 8am, but I slept 2am+ the night before. Was thinking I could get some rest after class. But I realized I have to go search for Key and Yun's presents. It's their 21st BIRTHDAY!! They are my very very best friends.
I've known them since secondary 2. Yun was also in the same class as me during form 6, and I sat her car back home every single day. How I miss seeing them... ^^ That's why I'm was really trying to look for something nice for them during their birthdays. Immediately after class, Denise accompanied me to Leisure Mall (nearest shopping mall to my college) to search for the presents. I looked and walked around trying to find the best one. At last, I bought Yun a shirt, and a necklace for Key.
The moment I saw the shirt, I thought of Yun, and the necklace, I thought of Key. After buying those presents, wrapping box and stuff, I at last have some time to sit at Starbucks to have my ice-blended mocha after craving for it for weeks. By that time, it was already 2pm++ (Denise and I hadn't had any breakfast or lunch that day.. ><)
Then I reached home at 3pm++ and started to put the presents into wrapping boxes. And I self-made Key's birthday card. It was such a long time since I did artwork. Phew... My initial plan of having my rest in the afternoon has gone. I finished everything by 4pm. Then I gotta go practice my piano before having my shower and had a small portion of dinner. Then waited for Yun to come and pick me up. The celebration was delayed. We at last went out by 9pm. Reached there earlier than the others, we had some drinks at Kinrara mamak stall. Then birthday celebration at 2046 cafe. Last stop, went to Mc Donalds for midnight chats. AT last reached home by 2.15am... What a busy and tiring day.. but very enjoyable. We took a lot of pictures! and got crazy for the whole night. Good news of the night, I get to see my dear again.. 3 times in 7 days.. Nice!
I only had one meal today, but had lots of fluids in my stomach... Was bloated with various drinks.. Sigh.. But I didn't really feel particularly hungry.. And I actually feel good about skipping meals. Hope I'm not getting crazy soon. :p

11/8/2007
Today after the tiring day last night, I was awaken by my mum saying to go out to have breakfast. That time was 10am. I slept 3.30am last night.. Arghh.... don't wanna wake up so early.. I slept back until 11am, and dragged myself out of bed unwillingly. Then went out for brunch with my family. I've turned normal again. Now I can feel my stomach growl in hunger. But I made sure myself not to over-eat. I was still feeling very tired and wanted to hit my bed immediately. Until my dad suggested we go shopping. That's when I'm really awake.. haha.. the nature of a girl. Especially to a shopaholic like me. ><
This shopping spree made my mood so good. I bought 3 new blouses today... Wee...I've been through 2 nice days.. but still very tired..

Sometimes, stupid things like this happen to me... And I wonder why.. All strangers out there, why are some of you are so rude and uncivilized?
Don't you get the meaning of "Sorry, I don't give out numbers and address to my internet friends." and the meaning of "I won't and never go out to meet people I've known from the internet."
I don't mind knowing people or making new friends, but getting too close is just too wrong.. This is my principle. After all, my mum taught me not to talk with strangers too often. I can't help but to keep myself safe. There are too many crimes out there and I can't identify who are being harmful to me. Prevention is better than cure.
I'm not being arrogant or anything, but at least before trying to know me, be polite. 1st impressions are very important. I've encountered this particular situation where I recently rejected a guy of giving him my number and going out with him. He was so damn rude by asking "har? Internet friend not human meh... " And obviously he got pissed off, and I guess he will never msg me in msn anymore (I"m actually glad about that ^^). Why would I think he was rude? Because before that I actually said "sorry, but I won't go out with u".. I rejected in a mannerly way, and that's what the response I got from him.
So, here mister, I'm going to ask you... WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Yes, u don't deserve to have my number, and don't deserve a chance of asking me out. I'm just so glad that I made the right choice of rejecting u. If u have the chance of reading this piece of post (although the possibility is almost 0), u'll know who u are.
A piece of advise for u, BE POLITE even u got rejected. Be a gentleman and get over with it. Don't make such a fuss like u're still an emo kid out there.

我这里天快要黑了 哪里呢
我这里天气凉凉的 哪里呢
我这里一切都变了 我变的懂事了
我又开始写日记了 而那你呢

我这里天块要亮了 哪里呢
我这里天气很炎热 哪里呢
我这里一切都变了 我变的不哭了
我把照片也收起了 而那你呢

如果我们现在还在一起会是怎样
我们是不是还是深爱着对方
像开始时那样 握着手就算天快亮

我们现在还在一起会是怎样
我们是不是还是隐满着对方
像结束时那样 明知道你没有错
还硬要我原谅

我不会原谅 我怎么原谅

Recently, I took out my old cds to play them again... Then I came across this song, and fell in love with it once again... And then I played it again and again until I can hear it in the back of my mind although the CD wasn't turn on.. It was one of my favorites last time..
Just like the lyrics, I sometimes really wonder what will we be now if we remained the same... There are so many questions that I've been wanting to know the answers... But there's no way finding them out.. There are so many things that I'm still curious about you... but never had the courage to ask you..
However, whatever the answers are, it won't be very much important as this has already past...
Will you actually think of me when you have the chance to listen to this song? Or your mind is on someone's else... Hmmm... curiosity sets in again...
Just wondering how are you doing now.. I know you'll be happy enough to live your life through.. Always praying the best for you, my dear friend...