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My life, My memory, My dream

Skydiving
Bungee jumping
Diving

26.4.13. One of my dream goals checked. Nope, Perhentian wasn't a relaxing beach trip, but to go and get my open water diving license. It wasn't as difficult as I've thought but still it is an achievement as I overcome my fear and the panicky me. 


Starbucks, the perfect wake-up call before flying off
Day 1: A beautiful view welcoming me upon arriving 
Day 1: This was a relaxing day of learning the basics and theory. Did nothing much except for some oh-really-sleepy videos and night homework before bedtime.
Day 2: A breath-taking sunrise view from my room
Day 2: The day where we learned how to assemble our buoyancy control device (BCD) to the gas tank, checking our sizes for the fins, do buddy check and learn basic open water skills at a water depth of 3 meters. On the first session, there was problem with my face mask. No mater how much I tighten it, water still flows in deliberately covering my eyes trying to choke me. After trying out on another few masks, my dive instructor told me a devastating fact "The problem is not with the mask, but it's your face," Oh, so I have a face problem afterall. But, with many trials and errors, I finally found the way to secure the face mask. While on the second session of learning, I almost could have died when my mouthpiece flew out cause' I didn't hold it properly in my mouth (prolly' the correct way is to grit your teeth deep into the rubber :p). Lucky for me, my dive instructor was a really alert and experienced one, she came to my side in a split second and shoved her octopus (alternate air source) into my mouth. I was stoned for like few seconds become coming back to my senses. So again, diving wasn't entirely zero danger. Then we were off to our first dive at Batu Nisan. I couldn't remember much what I've seen cause' I was too busy observing my pressure gauge, trying to control my buoyancy, thinking how to breathe properly. Yeap, I thought hard >.<


Done assembling the equipment!
Trying to look pro with 20-ish kg on my back 

Day 3: After all the hardwork, the cotton candy skies greet me, time for dinner


Day 3: Again, more water training. This time tougher tasks were given compared to day 2. Today, we were expected to take off our BCD and weight belts underwater and wear them back. Okkay, that was really difficult for me cause' I'm really super positively buoyant (means I can really float). Once I'm out of my weight belts, I float like a balloon up to the air without string :/ Other than that, we were taught how to clear our masks underwater, swim without mask, and etc. We also learned how to breath through the alternate air source from our buddies and all the emergency precautions to be taken underwater. I particularly remember one which is the controlled emergency swimming ascent, CESA (pronounced as see-sa) which is used when you're out of breath and your buddy is nowhere to be seen. Hmm, but I guess my dear won't leave anywhere too far from me. So, not to worry too much *grin* We went for our second dive after lunch at D' Lagoon. This time, everything became more natural after much practice. More fishes were seen (maybe x100 nemos :p), and more oohs and aahs looking at those beautiful corals.

Day 4: Happily snapping photo knowing we are soon-to-be divers
Day 4: Recapped on some important points of training, did our theory test and passed with flying colors and go for more real dives! First, we were taught on how to use the compass cause' every direction looks the same underwater. There's no left and right or front and back. Then, we did our swimming test before we began our morning dive at Batu Layar. The third dive that I enjoyed the most cause' I'm feeling much more comfortable underwater, knowing how to keep my neutral buoyancy and managed to complete tasks given by my dive instructor. Also a dive with the highest visibility of 12m, hence we managed to see more sea creatures and colorful corals. Then we had our 10mins floating test and finally the fourth and last dive at Tanjung Basi. Visibility is not that good this time, only at 8m so very limited things we saw. But, all in all we all had a good experience though' the dive would be perfect if we were able to see baby sharks and giant sea turtles. Prolly' they were just too shy to see us, heh :p


Big thank you to my dive instructor, Birgit :)

Yayyy! Please call us divers!

I'm gonna miss my dive buddies shooo much

A picture I like the most, thanks for being there for me my dear 

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When I thought things are finally getting better, when I thought I could see the road ahead of me, reality tells me otherwise. I wasn't working hard enough, I wasn't good enough... That must be it. It was entirely my fault so I'm not blaming anyone nor blaming it to luck. I never believed in luck as I know when there's no effort, there's no gain. I told myself to work extra hard, to strive more than other people and yet I failed to do so. I failed my parents, my friends, and myself. So much so I do not believe in luck, I suddenly hope that miracle happens - like right now, right this moment.




Little comfort of the day: You came back for me, and the 100 missed calls were touching. Thanks.

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... and i'm sick! It's Friday night again... (oopss!) 12am had passed. Saturday came. Break is coming to an end, and I'm so reluctant to return to reality! It's gonna be so busy all over again, and I can't wait for this year to end. Time just flew by, and it's September again. Everytime when I realise time just went by like this, I will stop in my track, asking myself "What have I done?" 


Many a times, I couldn't recall doing something meaningful. Whatever I'm doing now, is what I have did in the past. Yes, I am repeating my actions over and over again, only on a different time, at different places, with different people. I don't know if consistency is a good thing, but I guess it makes me who I am. Somehow, I know when next year comes, I will have to make a difference. I will learn to be different.


Next week is another beginning. It's time to strive forward.



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.... yea again. I know. I couldn't count the times of my car being in and out of the car factory. It seems the boss of recognizes my dad, my car. Ever since the first purchase of my beloved Myvi / "ugly blue" - so some friends of mine call it that way >.< , I cannot recall how many accidents I've met - small and major ones. And most times, no matter how careful I am, people came and banged at my car. I wonder why...


Even I parked at a proper parking place, with no obstruction to the traffic, my car was scratched. There was another time when my car plat numbers were stolen! Why choose my car? Why me? I couldn't understand why.


I guess I need to go to the nearest temple and have do some praying. 


p/s: Dear God, please protect me from further road accidents, because if You do not... I'm afraid I'll die from heart attack soon.. 
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I am still new, and hence there's a hell lot of things that requires me to learn. It's time to meet new challenges and work my way out. This is an opportunity for me to complete a journey on my own. May there be scratches and wounds when I fall down... so that I can always remember the pain by heart and not to repeat the same mistakes if I am to walk down another path in the future. 

I will take one small step at a time, to prove that I can. Little by little, I will show improvement... Just wait and see.
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I realized I've never blog anything about my course ever since I was accepted into it. From the day of my orientation (which i recall it as a dull memory...) until now, 8 months passed by. Frankly speaking, I never thought I will ever have friends here - all I do is regard them as my coursemates. I told myself, I don't need friends.. all I need is my degree cert. I've been wasting too much time on my education I felt. But over these months, I've developed friendship with many of my coursemates. Our circle of friends has been expanding since day 1. From a mere 5 people, it became 8 people.. and then 12 people. And now, there are 15 of us - forming the largest group of all in the class. It's always enjoyable to attend classes, going for lab practicals, lunch, hang-outs, movies with a large group of friends.

It's relieving to know that I'm not working hard alone when I know everyone else is doing the same thing, or some working harder than myself.
It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one rushing for assignments and lab reports almost every single night.
It's satisfaction I can feel when we are burning the midnight oil working as a team trying our best to produce high quality work.
It's the spirit of helping one another I can see when we are all sharing informations, exchanging knowledge, approving each other's style of works...

For the past few weeks, it had been hard for all of us - meeting with the deadlines of assignments, lab reports, and also quizzes which are catching up on us. We have all lost sleep and been stressed up. However, we survived it all because of the unity we share. ^^
I sincerely have to thank my group members for making all the efforts in bringing all these into success... No matter what our results will be, we already tried our best. Say cheers for staying up till as early as 6.30am!!

Motto: Work hard, and play harder!! =)

I'm tired.. but at least I know I spend each day meaningfully, completing tasks and not wasting even a minute of it.
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People...
If you really need to double-park someone,
If you desperately need to get down from your car this second,
If you really have to block someone else's car,
If you have no choice but to obstruct the traffic....


Then, PLEASE post your damn number on your windscreen! And if you don't happen to do this, then BE ALERT when your car is honked for like 100 times which lasted for many many of 10 minutes!!
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Very quickly, 2 and 1/2 months gone by..
I've worked at a legal firm as a temporary employee and not to be denied, I learned a lot. Despite the heavy workload, somehow I enjoyed working there. Being busy every day, time seems to pass faster and I needn't worry about other unnecessary stuff. I realize I'm a person who always thinks too much and set myself in a depression mode. Ever since I've started work, this seems to be vanished all completely because all I do in a day is working, sleeping and eating.
Half my day (12 hours) is spent in the office, another 6 went for my sleep. The remainder was only used to do random stuff. So, I've got no time to think those "what ifs" questions...
After being exposed to this working experience, I've finally learned how carefree is study life compared to work life. Thus, I'm very looking forward to start my course. Since 2 weeks ago, I've been counting down to the day I stop work because I need some time for myself badly - to do things I've never been able to do since started work. When this day finally comes, I'm welcoming it with a happy mood, however, when my lawyer came over and shook my hand, wishing me all the best... I had a sudden urge to say "can I work for another month?" But in the end, I didn't because I know I don't really like working after all.. It's just the people there I'm not willing to leave. :p
I guess the person I'll miss most is my colleague whom I spent most of my time with. Not only a nice colleague, but now became a friend. She told me to take care and I could feel that she's saying out from her heart. May she be the cheerful girl I've always known and may there be a good working life for her.
This experience made me realize the importance of money as well as gained some weight... ><



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There is always this kind of decision I have to make after every result of my major exam is released. There is always this anxiousness I have when I don't know what to decide, what to do with my life later on. I'm forever worrying that I will make a wrong decision ( I had a few done for the past couple of years ) but I told myself never to regret and so, I don't regret. Guess this is some principle I'm holding on dearly to live on...

My results of A-level came out at last. This is the time to busy on doing research of which university I want to enroll in and also to worry about whether the universities want to accept me or not. To get admitted to a pharmacy course, I have to go through interview and aptitude tests... yes, another series of tests. Reason to work hard is to get into the course - my dream that has yet to be accomplished since secondary 5.

Many had asked me why didn't I enter other courses and insisted to do Pharmacy. I answered, "I found my interest, and couldn't let it go until I'm tired trying and knowing that I won't succeed forever". Some had asked why didn't I have a second choice or a back-up plan just in case I can't get into the course. Without hesitation, I answered "If I have a 2nd choice, then I wouldn't be doing A-level." Many may feel I wasted some time or made a big sacrifice, but again, I thought to myself, there is nothing worth gain without sacrificial. As the saying goes "No pain, no gain."

The moment I got my results, all I wanna do is to shout my heart out. Partly is because I did well in 2 subjects. Another part is I did okay for 1 subject. So I cannot decide whether to shout for joy, or shout in pain. Sigh.. Contradictions...

Hopefully, I'll get admitted to the course I've wanted all along then I could start working towards my goal. All I need is to get into the course... Wish me luck, my friends.. Will you?

Please God... *praying hard & crossing my fingers*

The time now, 0031...

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I've been working for a week now. This job came to me easily as I replace my cousin's place when she resumed study after her temporary job at Damansara in a legal firm. Moreover, the easier part is through my aunt. She's working there. I needn't any resume or interview and that's how lucky I felt.
Now I could at last understand the feeling of a working person of working everyday from 9am-6pm. It's really tedious! To perform well, I have to sleep early and wake up before the sunrise. Then I have to have 3 meals a day to keep up my energy in a full level. Gosh! I hope after I stop working, I won't gain too much weight...
Working in a legal firm requires me to type a lot of documents especially letters. It is also my first time using a photocopy machine and fax machine. I learned how to adapt to working environment and avoided myself from doing mistakes. However, unfortunately.. I think I created much trouble to my colleague. I hope she won't blame me too much for it. :p
First compliment I had was
"You are very well-mannered. Your parents brought you up well." Well, that I have to thanks my parents I guess. The second one was "You speak very good English." This made me felt quite proud as I learned this myself. ^^
Apart from the salary, working is good for me because my mum at last approved my driving skills. I could finally drive out alone. Now I drive everyday to grandma's house and followed aunt's car to work. Then I'll drive back to home after work everynight.
That's an improvement for me.
And today, I could even drive out to meet a friend for "yum cha". Although I'm only restricted to drive during daytime but I'm already very satisfied. This temporary job really does more good than bad for me after all. Hopefully I'll do better for the next week and so... NO more mistakes please!! *crossing fingers*


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I've been hesitating a lot about typing out this piece of post. I don't know where should I write from nor what should I write actually. All I know is, I learned an important lesson today - and that is NEVER EVER get on to a yellow color taxi. I'm just plain dumb knowing this so late. And plain stupid to realized this at the age of 20. Oh gosh!! There might be some people who can understand what I'm typing about. I'm not going to type too much or elaborate my experience, because it's too painful to recall about it. :p Remember one thing, DO NOT get on into a yellow taxi. NEVER!!


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Everyone have their rights to choose what they want in life. There are plenty of crossroads where we make a decision, and later assuring ourselves that it is the best for us. Decisions we've made yesterday make what we are today. And that is how important to never let ourselves choosing the wrong road. A right road ahead leads us to a bright future, however a wrong one can make our lives turn upside down. We might need to make a lot of choices during our journey to our destination. But by the end of the day, when it all turns out fine, we will know that while standing at the crossroads pondering which road to take is only the process of reaching our goals.
And so, I've always told myself to choose a road which suits myself and never be regret after that. Regretting is just a another way of telling myself I was wrong. But this time around, I'm really feeling very miserable. It's not that I don't know which road to choose, because ahead of me, there's only one road. The one and only one. I'm not even put into the position of choosing. I can only follow this road without complaints or stop in the middle of the way and end up losing everything. I hope this only road will be the right one for me.
I'm left with no choice at all... but only one...

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It's been some time that I've written my post so early in the morning. Although not really that early, but for me indeed it is. Well, I just had my piano examination at 9am just now. Hopefully I'll pass then I'm finish with my piano course. This is my last grade. My hopes are not high. All I need is merely a pass. I've been practicing everyday for at least an hour just for the performance of today's 1/2 an hour. I hope my time and effort are not wasted. I'll be devastated if I fail.
However, it's a relief that I went through my exam already. No more tight schedules on practicing piano.
Well, thanks to friends who wished me good luck the night before my exam. I still keep those sms-es. ^^
And also to a friend of mine, I'm really glad that you sms-ed me last night. I appreciate that. All the best to you in your job interview. I'll be waiting for your good news. *hugs*

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It's now 1711.. Just had my piano class, and i should be studying now instead of sitting here typing this... I'm supposed to be facing all my "beloved" books rather than facing this computer monitor... And yet, I'm not doing that.. why...
Part of it is because i never know how to manage my time properly, there is this thinking that "there's still plenty of time!".... Another part is that, yes, i don't have enough self-discipline to resist the urge of having myself hooked up in front of the screens.. be it the monitor or the television... oh gosh!
Papers I'm going to have next week are tough papers.. I can't wait for the exams to be done and get over with.. But another part of me secretly hopes that time goes a little bit slower so that i wouldn't have to face it so fast.. What contradictions i have.. sigh..
Dark eye circles surfaced.. eye bags getting bigger.. Mum gotta asked me to sleep earlier... Really feel tensed by the exams.. What if.. What if i cannot do well? What if I'm back to square one taking other courses instead of pharmacy? My parents will be damn disappointed and I'll hate doing that.. I'll kill myself for sure if i can't enter degree in pharmacy.. that's what i told my sister.. I don't wanna die young by the way.. Oh gosh... I'm still in the sate of denial... not wanting to believe that I'm going to have my last 3 tough papers next week.. God bless me please!!
So much so, all these makes me misses my childhood life so much.. How nice is it being younger.. Never scare problems not being solved.. (we can always count on the adults) Never fear of having exams and all...( there will be none)
But i guess growing up is a process everyone have to go through... Recalling of the past makes each day goes on easier...
One fortunate thing that i should be happy of, is that i always hold on to a belief which is
"enjoy life to the fullest, as we only live once"... If not, i guess i already fall into depression long long time ago..


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Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend, or a meaningful day.

The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch, swing with, never saying a word, and then walk away like it was the best conversation you've had.

If you want something very very badly, let it go free. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with.

The path was worn and slippery. My foot slipped from under me, knocking the other out of the way, but I recovered and said to myself, "it's a slip, and not a fall."

Whenever you are called to make up your mind, and you're hampered by not having any, the simplest way to solve the dilemma you'll find, is simply by flipping a penny. No, not so that chance shall decide the affair, as you're passively standing there moping. But as soon as the penny is up in the air, you'll suddenly know what you're hoping.

No one can go back and make a brand new start. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain but He did promise strength for the pain, comfort for the tears and light for the day.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

Success is not defined by obtaining everything you want, but by appreciating everything you have.

As long as we have memories, yesterday remains. As long as we have hopes, tomorrow awaits.

Author's note: "To all my friends out there, these are quotes that i came across and i found it really meaningful (at least for me)... Ponder for a while... Make each day meaningful, appreciate those who you love and those who love you. Never give up hopes and cherish everything that you've been through."

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"When you say yes to one thing, you have to say no to other things"... This line was told to me by a friend... She first came across this line while she was reading a book on how to decide your life later on... A book that teaches you to choose a correct path that leads you to a bright future.. A book that tells you that a person will need to make at least 6 big decisions in life.. A self-motivation book i can say..
What draws my attention is this particular line.. To a certain extend, yes it's true that when one says yes to a thing, then he/she have to say no to other things.. In life, we could not possibly hold too many things at a time... To succeed, we have to sacrifice some...
We might have been sacrificing all this while, but we just don't realize it as whenever we let go of something, another thing comes by.. And the feeling of lost and disappointment is soon replaced by excitement and happiness.. As what we've always know,
"If you lost something, you will gain something"...
When i heard this line from my friend, i realized that i have to let go of something in order to continue pursuing my pharmacy later on... What I've been doing all long is to enter into this course, and i can't possibly let anything happen to crash this dream of mine..
And yes, I'm letting go.. Although not all, but at least I'm trying.. This letting go might hurts, but if sacrificing this can get me my degree, there's no doubt I'm doing this..
Saying yes to pharmacy, it just means i have to say no to the others... This is my only choice... And my only chance... I hope I'm blessed...


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Have you ever tried to wait alone? i guess everyone tried this before.. it's just a matter of how long you've waited.. and who you've waited... The feeling of waiting would be very suffering especially the person you've been waiting is the one u love... Today when i was waiting patiently for my friends, a supportive friend of mine was sms-ing with me.. keeping me company... and very quickly, one hour had gone without any warning... I'm really very grateful to this friend of mine... of course, this friend of mine suddenly becomes an important part of my circle of friends.. This friend of mine is the one i think i dare to rely on in future... And this friend of mine, is the one that I'm on very good terms now...
At that moment, i suddenly recalled of the past... There was once when i did something terrible to a person.. He came all the way to look for me, and what i did was letting him waited for me alone... while i walked away with my friends.. Not did i only embarrassed him in front of my friends, i did it so harsh that i could let him wait... At last, he had his dinner alone.. but at that time, while he was alone, he had a friend to accompany him by sms-ing with him all the time... And of course this friend created a good impression to him... And since then, they were on very good terms too... I wonder what hard feelings he had then..
And today, i finally understand why... Why had that person became important to him.. It's just the same way when this friend of mine became important to me.. When there's one day that i realized my mistake, i apologized to him.. But he told me that, "it's okay by now.. because it doesn't matter anymore"... and yes it's true..I've hurt him and didn't realize by then.. So, when its time to say sorry , it really doesn't matter anymore... because he couldn't care much for me anymore..
Now, i always prefer to wait for others than others to wait for me, because this feeling of guilt and regret has stayed with me ever since that particular day... I never wanted anyone to wait for me alone... I never wanted to make anyone disappointed and sad...



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At a certain stage of everyone's lives, there will be changes.. there will be turning points..
In these 2 months, me myself has grown up.. although not a lot, but there is a change in me..
To 2 of my closest friends, they have changed too.. A better change of course..
A close friend who's studying abroad now, who once was a playful person.. Always teases me whenever he has the chance.. However, in this month's time, he's grown up... He's a more serious person now.. Knows how to handle situations.. Being more and more independent.. From him, i learn how to appreciate.. knows how to love people around me.. He reminded me of the warmth of family and friends... Hope he's doing really well over there.. i miss him a lot..i really do..
He once told me "believe in miracle, and there will be miracle for us".. Hope it's true... ^^
Another close friend of mine, she's a darling to me.. She stayed by my side when i'm at my saddest moment... She comforted me, helping me to grow.. This time, it's her turn to have her own problems.. She called me in the afternoon and cried over the phone.. All i can do is to tell her to believe that everything will turn out fine.. She have to have faith in herself.. At last, she called me again in the middle of the night last night.. She's fine at last.. She's out of her pain.. She's tired.. but she has grown up too.. She told me she's more matured by now.. She knows what to appreciate.. and definitely know what she wants.. I'm happy for her..
This is all our process of being more matured... There will be more to go in our lives...
There will be more choices to make.. More roads to be taken...
There will be sadness to let us know the meaning of happiness... There will be tears but also laughter... There are ups and downs in life... But we should learn to accept all of it..
Appreciate things although they may seem little to u..
Most things only happen once in our life time... Take ur time.. Enjoy them..
Most importantly, have faith in ourselves and also people around us..



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Tomorrow is my 1st day of my trials.. wonder how will i do..
Hope that eveything i've studied will pay off this time...
Really worry.. Pressure and stress..
Exam really no fun... But still we have to get through it for a better future ahead..
Work hard eveyone!
Sigh.. make me study harder please....


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After college re-opens for a week, i've had my tests for biology, and mathematics..
and the results for maths is out today.. can't believe i got a borderline A...
As for the chemistry, i got the same result as my maths too... Hope my biology will be better lar..
Another good news is i already passed all my LANS studied subjects!!
i needn't see those books and notes again... can throw.. can burn.. haha.. but it wil be a wastage..
well, i'll see what i can do...

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About Me

About Me

Hi there! This is a personal space where I pour all my thoughts and mood posts into words. A place of serenity during sleepless midnights, and where I return to look at how far I've come and what had life gave me.



Live well, laugh more, love much. X

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