if you are missing me. Cause' I'm missing you already.
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| For you, with ♥ |
This is not a planned date. This is just me wanting to spend an afternoon with you, the last one after a PBL session. We've had 2 semesters of PBL together, and believe me when I said I was feeling really lucky to have you in a group full of strangers. You're like a special appearance during my uni life - unexpected yet important. You came at the last year of our studies, from normal friends and in an instance we became very close. Sometimes, it feels like you can read me without me telling you what's in my mind. We've always had lunch and late afternoon tea together, I think we deserve a mini farewell - just the 2 of us; as work companion, as best friends who share heart-to-heart talks, as master and genie, as dear and bie.
Although the outing is like a usual one, but the feeling in my heart telling me it's an unusual one. This is gonna be the last time, I know. It feels like there's a heavy rock in my heart. An unmoved one. I do not know if I will get used to it in the future without us texting every single day, seeing each other almost each day, and having meals at every other day. Since I do not know, I just want to appreciate the time we spend together, for now.
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| As usual, a bowl is enough for two. |
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| A movie about battle between aliens and the navy |
The movie is quite a nice one, or maybe it's nice because we didn't expect to watch a movie. It was a spontaneous decision. No expectation, hence no disappointment. Or to me, it's nice maybe because I watched it with you.
I thought our night will end after a fulfilling dinner. But, the saying goodbye in car came to a stop when we were asked to to go for drinks (like usual). Again, like last week's routine, we drank, talked, laughed, and played. Again unplanned, we went to Zouk. Things always go crazy when the 4 of us are together, isn't it? With a pounding headache, I still enjoyed the night. Because I'm with my three most favourite people - my bie, my dear, my bro. Because of my headache, I feel that you are pampering me more tonight (I hope I'm not wrong...) You stroked my face gently, patted my head like I'm a small girl, hugged me ever so tightly, lifted me up and turned around twice. We hugged more tonight, because i can't dance much. I need to go slow, really slow cause' the head's gonna explode with the blaring music and blinking lights. I placed my hand on your chest, to feel your heartbeat. I wanna remember this moment. Then only I can detach myself.
I finished Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie last week. In there, it mentioned about feelings and detachment. During the silent hugs we had, I thought of the words in it.
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| Brought me tears with its beautifully written words |
Quoted from the book:
Learn to detach... Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent... But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate fully. That's how you are able to leave it... Take any emotion -- love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions -- if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them -- you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid. You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief. You're afraid of the vulnerability that love entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then you can say, "All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment".
Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely -- but eventually be able to say, "All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I'm not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I'm going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I'm going to experience them as well."
p/s: I'm not afraid to miss you. No matter how heavy heart I will be, the emotion will be over when I've experienced it.
Finally, the time of separation has come. Today is the last official class we are having together. *heavy heart* I remembered my first feeling when I stepped into this course. I fought hard during my pre-u studies to get a placing, and I am a year later than the others in the same batch. I never intended to come and make friends. I am here to study, and get my degree then be done and over with. Little did I know, slowly I am making friends, one by one. For all the times we studied together, skipped classes, lunch get-togethers, birthday celebrations, semester break trips, and etc etc... I am glad that we were all in it together. I am not alone.
Although it is harder for us to be always together in year 4, but we made effort to stay close. Being in different groups in pbl, and clerkship - I've learnt to be more independent and learnt the way to work with different people. Despite some misunderstandings and arguments, I've come to like my group members. Maybe not as friends yet, but as acquaintances. ( I need a longggg time to regard someone as a friend, unfriendly I know :/ )
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| PBL group for 2 semester |
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| On our last day of clerkship |
I'm glad that in these both groups, I have a Step G. member with me. I will miss you all.
we can read each other's mind. When my mood is really down, and in need of a good company, your text came in just the right time.
"Dear, you have class today? Thought wanna grab lunch with dear", you said. Although tired and the time to meet up is just less than 2 hours, I still went and find you. Because I know, seeing you will lift up my mood. You are the one who could just make me smile with the slightest effort.
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| I found you, despite the heavy rain and storm |
p/s: The moment we met, it felt too much like a drama, isn't it? =)
...to be where you are at now, simply because I miss you.
is not right. But, it seemed worthwhile when the simple drink-out session turned out to be a crazy happening night. It was an impulsive decision (post-alcohol effect) to go clubbing at 4am, with an under-dressed me. Just an hour ago, my nose was still blocked and tears were streaming down my face. An hour later, my sickness seemed to have went away when I am dancing with you on the dance floor. Throughout that one hour, you only left my side twice. All the other times, you were hugging me - either from the back or upfront. You've hugged me before, I've lied in your arms before, we held hands before. But, tonight we were so close that I could feel your heartbeat, your breath. So close that I thought I might be reluctant to leave you when you finally pull away - I couldn't have really fall too much for you, could I? It must be the alcohol effect, I convinced myself. But, one thing I'm sure of, I'm safe from other guys' touch when you are hugging me so tightly. Thank you.
p/s: You know that I really like you much, don't you? If not, you wouldn't have performed that little trick. My card was the "King" of spades.
is just so simple when all your friends pamper you on your sick day.
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| I *heart* my friends |
