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My life, My memory, My dream

... tell me that and I might believe in you, since I was blinded by you before (not too long ago). Heard a lil' too many bad things bout' you recently, mixed feelings developed. A part of me which had let go felt so relieved to know that you are not someone worth to be upset at, another part of me couldn't really believe what I've heard cause' this is not the you I knew. However, there's no way to find out the real you, isn't it? We have lost the chance.

Sometimes, I wonder if there's a moment that you actually thought of me, the comfort I gave you, the special bonding we had. 
Sometimes, just sometimes, I miss your presence. I miss sharing my ups and downs with you cause' you have always been a great friend who stood by me no matter what happened. I miss someone who really knew me that well. 

Prolly' as time goes by, I shall bury all these feelings deep within and then meet someone like you in the future. Till' then, tell me if you still remember me, remember us.
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cause' friends are finally leaving to different pathways. The letter finally came after months of waiting. It's weird that I still feel so heavy-hearted to see them leave when we all had been anticipating the letter. Couldn't believe that all of them have to go just like that once the letter arrived. We managed to have a gathering on the last weekend before they need to report themselves at respective states. All are scattered to different places - Pahang, Kelantan, Terengganu, Negeri Sembilan, Perak, KL. 

Ever since young, I learnt that friends come and go. Some stayed, some strayed and came back, and some never. Each separation left me with bittersweet memories, and I wonder when is the next time I will see these familiar faces again. And at the same time also wondering, when I meet these faces again, will they turn out to be strangers? But, one thing I'm sure - I'm not that afraid to get posting letter cause' I have them all over the place. 

Just, I'll be missing them so much, so very much. 


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yes I am. Cause' so many had happened for the last 2 weeks. Every minute, every second of the days were occupied with different things to do. There were ups and downs, but was never too happy nor too sad. I knew I had to control my emotions, not to let my emotions control me. Wedding, funerals, family drama, friendships -- all these made me learnt that I only live once. Prolly' all other little problems can be overlooked sometimes,because life is not always easy.
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cause' I've stopped counting the days... No longer thinking how is life without you will be, because there is so much more important things to do. Attended the second wake in a month's time reminds me once again, how fragile life is. If we do not know how to appreciate each other's presence then staying away like now is the best option. Just a random message occasionally is enough for both of us to know that we are doing fine.

Learnt that happiness is not inevitable. Treasuring and appreciating people around me, who are still with me is the right thing to do.
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Couldn't put everything in words, into a post for everything that occurred for the past one year. September last year onwards, I never deleted any of your whatsapp messages, phone texts, facebook messages, emails, and every little memory that we had together. Couldn't count how many messages we have sent - prolly' few hundred thousands of them. These few nights I've been reading back our conversations, trying to figure out how did our friendship developed. How did we let ourselves relied on each other so much - until the extend of making wake-up calls everyday? How did we managed to talked every single day without fail? How did we adapted ourselves to having each other then, and adapt ourselves again without contact today?

Spent some time to browse my timeline today, and then realised alot can happen in a year's time. My favorite part of timeline is when I found a comment or like from you. My heart still skipped a beat when I saw those old comments, as I unfold another memory. Then I spent a little more time to look at those old photos and thought, "Wow.. amazing". We've known for years, and yet our paths didn't really crossed until last year this time. Last year I wasn't blogging about you, and yet this whole year's blog you made the most appearance. But, I know this is not gonna last cause' I'm losing things to blog bout' you anymore. I don't know you like how I knew you before.
如果有一天我們變陌生了,那麼我就重新認識你. Is that even possible?

Sometimes, it's really weird how relationships grow among people. People meet, become close, and until one day it's time for parting ways - although there was this moment where we made promises like "Don't worry, I'll always be here for you". Fact is, we can only stay there as long as we can, but not forever. I'm grateful that in my life, there are some people who just never leave. 
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Adapting is not easy; not easy at all. 
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"Mina... Even when everyone doesn't trust me, u must trust me.. K?"
"Everyone else can think I'm stupid, immature or a bad person.. Only u cannot."
"Dear... I am really sorry if I made u angry or upset.. I tend to do that a lot..."
"I really like you also... But I know one day, sooner or later I'll make you unhappy. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm scared of losing you by making mistakes. I always make mistakes."
"Bie...Don't disappear k... U promised u wont submarine from me.."

All these words played repeatedly in the back of my mind. Like a rewind tape. From the bottom of my heart, I trust you. I believe you even if the whole world denies you. I told myself to ignore your mistakes cause' you told me you tend to make them, unintentionally. I promised I won't go away from you, and yet you forgot everything you've said. Because the one who's leaving is you.

I'm still searching for endless reasons and excuses to convince myself, and then the big bomb dropped.

"Dear, he is no longer that sweet guy who treated you like a princess last time ady."

Yes, I already knew but I need time to accept and digest these emotions. I probably just need a person to tell me out loud like this -- like a real hard slap on the face.

My heart is a heavy rock. Unmoved one.
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About Me

Hi there! This is a personal space where I pour all my thoughts and mood posts into words. A place of serenity during sleepless midnights, and where I return to look at how far I've come and what had life gave me.



Live well, laugh more, love much. X

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