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My life, My memory, My dream

when this time of the year comes again - the rainy cold nights, the lonely working moments, the busy-ness and frustration that seems to never leave, the missing heart wanting to hear from you. Perhaps, just perhaps time passes by too quickly but the memories didn't fade as quick; the only reason I can think of why I'm still having you in the back of my mind. 

I miss our Christmas moment - our only Christmas moment.

9 days to Christmas :)
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Just realized that last year almost Christmas I wrote bout' you, and then now again I'm here writing bout' you again. No more about "last Christmas I gave you my heart...." cause' now it's another year passed. 

So the heart has not really stop missing you, just sometimes temporarily forgets.

Merry Xmas bie, you've said.
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Couldn't be sure if this is what I want in life, all I know I'm having the same routine and meeting the same people everyday. Life is good, not complaining instead counting my blessings whenever I can.

Somehow I crave for something new in life, something fresh cause' later on I will be too old for excitements.


Secretly, I asked in my heart too - How are you doing these days?
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all left behind were the mourning loved ones, memories and ashes. 

Friday morning at work, received a devastating news - uncle finally passed on after so many months of sufferings. Coming in and out of the hospital, having to do regular HD and waiting for an open heart surgery all made him tired. In fact, too tired for his old age. Maybe it's really time to move on to a better place. It's alright, we all understand that it's too much to bear. Yes, we all broke down and cried when it was time to send him off at the crematorium. It was the last journey we had with him and the next thing we knew he's gone forever. 

Have a safe journey and don't worry bout' anything anymore cause' you've done all your best for your family. It's time to rest in peace and may you be a very healthy person in your next life. All my prayers are with you.
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The one day that I've been waiting for the past so many years, so do my parents. After all the obstacles and hardwork, I'm finally up the stage to get hold of my scroll. Not anything to brag about cause' everyone's doing the same thing but at least I know I made my parents proud. My mum cried for me when I was up there. Pharm was never an easy course, and now it turns out to be not an easy profession. But, I'll hang on cause' this is what I chose to be, the journey that I've started and only myself to finish till' the destination.


No words to describe how grateful and thankful to God to have give me such parents, to adore, to love, and cherish me no matter how I do and what I do. All I can say is, I love you both for everything. 




I'm standing tall today, cause' I have you both by my side. 
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It's so easy to think of you, even after all these while. Just a mere mention of your name sends a signal to my brain and all memories start to unfold themselves again. Had a night's chat with dear and told her that she should let go and come clean. Then I start asking myself too, have I completely let you go too? Answer is maybe not. Cause' I start to miss talking to you again, get curious on how you are doing recently, and wonder if there's even a second that I actually crossed your mind. *sigh*
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has to be the best movie I've watched for this year. Or maybe including the year before and after. So good that it provoked my writing mood again (after all this while) even at this hour. It had been some time I've been so moved by a movie, so into it -  I didn’t wanna leave the cinema even when the movie ends. I've always love funny and touching movies, especially those make me cry in the end, no not because of a sad ending but because of a very heart-moving kinda plot. A complete storyline is a plus-point and this movie fulfills all these criteria of my-kind of ideal movie.

Not like what I thought - a full love story but it involves family bond and relationship. A dad and his child kind-of story is always my soft spot. I would pay up any price to have the chance to travel back in time to relish my fondest childhood memories with my daddy before passing on to the last journey in life. Even for just once. 

How I wish I could just close my eyes for 5 seconds and open to find myself a kid in my dad's arm again
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cause' nothing beats the excitement of planning a holiday with the family. Miss me while I'm gone.


p/s: Months and days of not updating, I'm missing non-working days.
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seems to come more frequent recently. I thought my tears dried up for quite some time but somehow they just return without warning. A simple story, a touching song and a lil' depressing thoughts sent my tears down, even when I'm driving. Dangerous, I know but just couldn't help it.

Perhaps it's stress from work, or maybe it's just hormone imbalance. 

p/s: Mental note to self: To post all backdated posts when I'm free.
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Skydiving
Bungee jumping
Diving

26.4.13. One of my dream goals checked. Nope, Perhentian wasn't a relaxing beach trip, but to go and get my open water diving license. It wasn't as difficult as I've thought but still it is an achievement as I overcome my fear and the panicky me. 


Starbucks, the perfect wake-up call before flying off
Day 1: A beautiful view welcoming me upon arriving 
Day 1: This was a relaxing day of learning the basics and theory. Did nothing much except for some oh-really-sleepy videos and night homework before bedtime.
Day 2: A breath-taking sunrise view from my room
Day 2: The day where we learned how to assemble our buoyancy control device (BCD) to the gas tank, checking our sizes for the fins, do buddy check and learn basic open water skills at a water depth of 3 meters. On the first session, there was problem with my face mask. No mater how much I tighten it, water still flows in deliberately covering my eyes trying to choke me. After trying out on another few masks, my dive instructor told me a devastating fact "The problem is not with the mask, but it's your face," Oh, so I have a face problem afterall. But, with many trials and errors, I finally found the way to secure the face mask. While on the second session of learning, I almost could have died when my mouthpiece flew out cause' I didn't hold it properly in my mouth (prolly' the correct way is to grit your teeth deep into the rubber :p). Lucky for me, my dive instructor was a really alert and experienced one, she came to my side in a split second and shoved her octopus (alternate air source) into my mouth. I was stoned for like few seconds become coming back to my senses. So again, diving wasn't entirely zero danger. Then we were off to our first dive at Batu Nisan. I couldn't remember much what I've seen cause' I was too busy observing my pressure gauge, trying to control my buoyancy, thinking how to breathe properly. Yeap, I thought hard >.<


Done assembling the equipment!
Trying to look pro with 20-ish kg on my back 

Day 3: After all the hardwork, the cotton candy skies greet me, time for dinner


Day 3: Again, more water training. This time tougher tasks were given compared to day 2. Today, we were expected to take off our BCD and weight belts underwater and wear them back. Okkay, that was really difficult for me cause' I'm really super positively buoyant (means I can really float). Once I'm out of my weight belts, I float like a balloon up to the air without string :/ Other than that, we were taught how to clear our masks underwater, swim without mask, and etc. We also learned how to breath through the alternate air source from our buddies and all the emergency precautions to be taken underwater. I particularly remember one which is the controlled emergency swimming ascent, CESA (pronounced as see-sa) which is used when you're out of breath and your buddy is nowhere to be seen. Hmm, but I guess my dear won't leave anywhere too far from me. So, not to worry too much *grin* We went for our second dive after lunch at D' Lagoon. This time, everything became more natural after much practice. More fishes were seen (maybe x100 nemos :p), and more oohs and aahs looking at those beautiful corals.

Day 4: Happily snapping photo knowing we are soon-to-be divers
Day 4: Recapped on some important points of training, did our theory test and passed with flying colors and go for more real dives! First, we were taught on how to use the compass cause' every direction looks the same underwater. There's no left and right or front and back. Then, we did our swimming test before we began our morning dive at Batu Layar. The third dive that I enjoyed the most cause' I'm feeling much more comfortable underwater, knowing how to keep my neutral buoyancy and managed to complete tasks given by my dive instructor. Also a dive with the highest visibility of 12m, hence we managed to see more sea creatures and colorful corals. Then we had our 10mins floating test and finally the fourth and last dive at Tanjung Basi. Visibility is not that good this time, only at 8m so very limited things we saw. But, all in all we all had a good experience though' the dive would be perfect if we were able to see baby sharks and giant sea turtles. Prolly' they were just too shy to see us, heh :p


Big thank you to my dive instructor, Birgit :)

Yayyy! Please call us divers!

I'm gonna miss my dive buddies shooo much

A picture I like the most, thanks for being there for me my dear 

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18.5.13. My turn, finally. I wasn't particularly nervous during the rehearsals, thinking prolly' I would be when the right day comes.  But then, nervousness never came nor the anxiousness. Only the feeling of regret where I couldn't be with my own batch of friends, not sharing the same happiness of graduating together cause' we've been battle mates for 4 years (yea, pharmacy course is like a war).

Sitting there looking at the slides prepared by the juniors recapping all their 4 years together made me thought of my own friends too. When I first came in, my first interview, my first lecture, my first team building camp (and also the last one, oops), my first public health campaign... Though the slides weren't meant for me cause' I'm not their batch, but looking only at that was enough to my eyes blurred with tears. I was suddenly overwhelmed by regret that I didn't attend the oath-taking last year. Though' I couldn't be up on the stage but I should have been there to watch over my friends, to provide them support and to give them my blessings that I couldn't give at that moment. I should have stood there to hug them and tell them how happy I was to be there. But I did nothing of it, instead only joined the after-drinks session and made myself cried over petty stuff and had a memory the next morning that was too painful to recall. And now after a year, I'm here wondering the same question... Are u still afraid to lose me? Or have I already disappeared from your life long time ago? Never will I know the answer so I'm prepared to give up thinking bout' it now. Well, maybe some other day.

End of nostalgic memories and back to oath-taking day. Though' there was zero anticipation of standing up the stage, I still feel very relieved cause' it's finally over. I'm now just waiting for my posting letter and there I go into working life. Please, don't let me meet any horrible bosses! All in all, oath-taking was an okay night to meet up with friends and lecturers.




My very satisfactory hair-do of the day (should I curl my hair permanently after this?)


The reason I've been holding on for the extended year - my CPK mates :)

Before the oath

After the oath
With the two pretty ladies


Group picture 1.0

Group picture 2.0 - the 2008' batch
Liking this post-celebration drinks photo =)

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Taken and arranged by my lovely dear :)

Like everyone else, I too grew up. My 26th birthday this year (quietly telling myself to not celebrate anymore birthdays after 30 - oopsie, another 4 years!) Well, maybe not. Birthdays always give me warm memories with my loved ones. 

Birthday morning was greeted by Terrina by the gate. Came here to do a birthday hair-do for me so that I could go out prettily later. As always, birthday wouldn't be complete without having dear by my side. Like a special date, I was brought to a nice cafe which serves authentic coffee followed by a movie and a birthday pressie after. And nope, the celebration didn't just end there.

At night, met up with my family for a Korean dinner and ended with a green tea cake prepared by brother. My day wasn't a luxurious nor lavish one but simple and lovely enough. All I needed was to be with my loved ones. Thank you for letting my life worthwhile, for all these 26 years.


p/s: And hey, it was good to hear your voice after so long. I didn't know I missed u so. So u were there all along, deep down in the heart.  


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To celebrate the day, we decided to bring mum for Shanghai cuisine at J.W. Marriot. Costly, but the food was great! Like many others Chinese lady, mum has always preferred Chinese food. 

Shanghai xiao long bao || drunken chicken || marinated cucumbers || lion's head || fried foo chuk || fried asparagus || steamed mantou || sweet and sour fish with taufu
Pomelo mango soup || complimentary heart-shaped jellies || black sesame tang yuan in ginger soup || fruits with cold almond pudding || red bean pastries


Mummy - a single word that brings so much more meaning than just simply calling it. She is the one who takes care of us (my brother, sister and I) when we are sick, cleans the house, cooks for the whole family, does the dishes, washes the clothes, and the list goes on. Like a wonder woman, doing all sorts of household chores and amazingly able to find those forever-will-go-missing-things whenever I shouted, "Mum! Where's my ...?"

As a person who is always strict since I was young, she made us learned everything thinking it's all for our own good. From swimming to computer lessons to piano, she was never tired to look through our workbooks (and always bringing a cane with her!). As we grew older, the softer she got and less scoldings as she know we are all old enough to know what we should do and we should not do. But then again due to her increasing age, nagging becomes a constant problem (again I knew it's still for our own good). 

These recent years, mum's age has been catching up pretty fast. She complained of  aching legs, tired body thinking that prolly' she has some underlying disease. I sometimes tried to push that though to the back of my mind, wanting to remember her as the strong woman always but it seems mum cannot be young forever. To all the future years of journey with mum, I promise I'll love you (only more, and not less).
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Super clear view of a middle seat 



4.5.13. 

The only picture I've got before the opening of the show cause' phone was dead, reminds me that I needa get pictures of his concert from dear. Can't believe I totally forgotten that I've been to his concert two years ago cause' dear got free tickets from a friend who works in Galaxy. Again, this year dear got those free tickets again (called me if I wanted to go and I almost immediately said a yes!) and then there were we seated at nice positions. I enjoyed the whole concert though' there were more than half of his songs that I do not know (I swore there was a time I knew ALL his songs!) cause' it's always entertaining to watch a singer sings and dances at the same time for a long time and not getting out of breath, amazing! 

And again after his performance, he reminded me how hardworking he was as an artist, how much effort has he put in for his family and fans, and how entertaining he was having fun with his fans like they were his friends. No doubt there were die-hard fans for a down-to-earth and hardworking (oh, and very much good-looking) celebrity. There's a possibility that I might fall for him all over again considering he has the charms to do so :)
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Not a date easily forgotten since it's just merely ten days away from my birthday. My first time participating in the general election (GE), excited to be part of the people who cast the votes. Everything about 'ubah' makes things even more interesting compared to all the other GEs that had been held before. 

Before casting my vote, I was thinking about my position as soon-to-become a government servant, on whether the opposition is ready to be the new government, and how true were all the rumors spread through facebook, twitter, whatsapp... But then again, deep down in my heart I knew BN will not lose (only votes from the Esat M'sia would have covered those sits that they lost in Peninsular). I've always knew that there were lies, corruptions and the practice of gerrymandering in any form of political situations. All I've hoped from them is just a clean election, and yet this fails terribly. I can't help feeling disappointed at how much our government does not care about the 'rakyat', how ignorant they were thinking victory is certain. But oh boy, so wrong they were cause' though the people lost the fight but the government lost the trust of the people. People are starting to open their eyes, seeing that a change is needed, sensing that unity is actually courage.

We shall see again in GE 14'. 
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I am back at this place in less than a year. What happen to good people nowadays? Why do they leave us so early, so young... Just 8 months ago I was there sending Jeremy off (ironically a best friend of yours) and that was the last I met of you. As always, you gave a warm, tight hug the moment you saw me.

That was the way I remember of you. A person so generous and never stingy with your affectionate gestures. You said take care to me and told me that we will meet soon again. Not long after that, I heard that you are sick - badly sick. There was a need for a heart surgery and we made donations. Then you were at the ICU and I prayed for you a speedy recovery. We exchanged a few texts now and then knowing that you are getting better each day. We communicated through Instagram too and you received my virtual hug (I wish I was there in real to return you a long, warm hug like how you always did to me). 

Then, the news of you discharged came and you were recovering well. That was when I took time for granted. I thought well, I could see you again later. There's no rush there and you should be resting more. And then, the bad news came right after I was back from Perhentian. Friends said you passed on in your sleep. Were you feeling comfortable at that time? Did you feel pain? I hope not.

If you really did passed on in your sleep, without struggle - I believe you're in a better place now. Without the need to go to the hospital so often, without consuming medicines everyday, without suffering life. I wish you all the best and if I do meet you again afterlife, I'll make sure I'm giving you a long, tight, warm hug cause' I owe you one. Safe journey, my dear friend. 
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If you could hold on to just one memory, what would it be? I couldn't decide cause' there are too many to be called as favorites (from a kid until full-grown now). But, if you ask me what is the one memory between us that I want to reminisce, then I know the answer to it without a doubt. That would be the first time when you held my hand in the car, almost dawn, coaxing me to have some sleep before we reach the bottom of the hill. The gentle move of your hand tucking the strands of hairs behind my ear, touching my face lightly while telling me softly that everything's gonna be fine. That you'll be here for me. Although it was only hands-holding and a few slight touches of my face, this means so much more than all the hugs we've had, cause' the warmth and care shown was genuine. 

This is the memory of us that played in the back of my mind when I watched the MV of this song. Wasn't the most impressive animation I've come across, but definitely touched my heart deeply.




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Finally, I've got some idle time to think about my posting. A month ago when I received my first letter from SPA, I didn't have the slightest feel of being worried or anxious. But, as time passes the more I'm becoming impatient of the arrival of my posting letter (can't help wondering where will I get although I know there's no point wondering at all).

At first, I was wishing so much that I'll get somewhere near home so that I do not need to move away from my family and close friends or getting away from the city life where I've spent my whole life here. But there deep down in a corner of my heart, I crave for total freedom on my own, to be independent, to learn how to cope with the outside world, I sometimes secretly wish I'll get somewhere far from home.

Mixed feelings I know, but I'll have the answer soon. Prolly' less than a month now...




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Recently things are not going good for the family. Dad's cough became terribly uncontrollable and finally admitted to the hospital on Monday night. This is the first ever time I saw the weak sight of daddy, cause' he's always the strong one at home (everyone gets sick but he doesn't). Seeing him falling sick is like seeing a pillar of strength comes falling down. I finally realize that age is catching up with daddy when I looked at him closely these few days. There were white hair, wrinkles around the eyes and neck, his once fat belly becomes flatter - it's time us children to look after him.

A paper crane to wish daddy speedy recovery. 

Today is the 4th day since his admission, and I've been really tired going back and forth to the hospital twice a day, and running errands here and there. All I need now is a good long sleep, however, seeing daddy getting better each day lifted my mood. So long he's healthy I'm willing to do anything for him. 


And ooh btw, I'm missing this baby girl already - time to bring her back :)

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Almost an April Fool's baby, he was born on April 2nd. Prolly' because nearing to this date, that's why he's a witty charming baby boy. Although he drove us crazy sometimes with his mischievous ways, but always managed to melt our hearts with only a mere smile. Becoming one - learning how to talk, how to walk is the cutest age ever. 

Baby boy's one year old birthday cake

The happy parents :)

Eyeing only on the largest pressie!

Still remember the day when he was born, so tiny so fragile and now a strong healthy boy. Lil' nephew, I *hearts* you!
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Finally... In the mood (and time) of writing a long post with photos attached (all will make you salivate, so do not read this if you're currently hungry :p). Time always slipped away quietly, passing day by day. Although it was my 3rd time going Hong Kong but I was really looking forward to it cause' it has been such a long time since a whole complete family of mine going for a vacation. I've always missed the time when I was young, when the whole family goues for vacation every year-end when we were all having school holidays. Don't know since when, the routine stopped due to school exams/work/getting married/having baby. The last trip we went together was definitely more than 5 years ago (oh, how I wish I'm a kid again!)

It was a wrong move to do free and easy tour with parents around cause' we were making them walking shooo much, taking public transports (can't deny that the MTR and buses were really convenient). First and second day were spent at the city never sleeps - Macau. I've always liked Macau for its beautiful night lights, and comfortable small city where everything's just around the corner. And of course, not to forget their famous Portuguese tarts and double-steamed milk pudding! The rest of the week were spent at the shopping paradise - Hong Kong! (but sadly, I didn't shopped till I dropped, instead walked till' my legs almost broke). Again, Hong Kong is a place with lotsa of good foodies - from dim sum breakie to wanton noodles to late night snacks and mouth-watering desserts. 


Upon arrival at HKIA, starving us had a really good lunch before heading to Macau

Macau, the city that never sleeps. Casinos everywhere.
A very unforgettable breakie at Nam Peng Cafe (old Macau area) - where this coffee shop has run for more than 50 years serving locals.

I love them very muchie!
My all-time fav dessert: Double-steamed milk pudding at Leiteria I Son @ Senardo Square, Macau


Dinner at Wong Chi Kee Restaurant, famous for its wanton noodles

Must-try Portuguese food if you're at Macau! O' Santos Comida Portueguesa @ Kunha St,. Taipa

Arriving Hong Kong! - welcoming us are the beautiful night lights at Arena of Stars.

Famous goose dinner at Yu Kee Restaurant, Sam Tseng. Our best dinner at HK!
Dessertssss after dinner!
My fav dessert of all - sweet fondant is love :)
One happy family gonna take ferry to Hong Kong Island
At The Peak. Cold and windy day, too bad the sky's too foggy to take good pictures.

Vegan lunchie at Tai Yu San
One fine morning, waiting for dim sum...

... and still waiting
Finally, dim sum arrived @ Luk Yu Tea House, Welling St.

Other than eating and eating and eating (with lil' shopping), not to forget to "bai bai" . Left: Great Big Buddha @ Tai Yu San, HK. Right: Make a lil' wish at Ah-Ma Temple @ Macau.
Bye bye Hong Kong! I'm leaving with a full stomach, empty wallet and happy memories :)


[Jan 26th - 31st 2013] My long-awaited family vacation post comes to an end, wishing there's more to come. Hopefully baby Ethan will be able to join the next one, and hopefully I won't need to wait too long for it to happen again. 
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About Me

About Me

Hi there! This is a personal space where I pour all my thoughts and mood posts into words. A place of serenity during sleepless midnights, and where I return to look at how far I've come and what had life gave me.



Live well, laugh more, love much. X

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