It's the first time in these 6 years, I have forgotten to be the first one to wish you Happy Birthday. I couldn't believe myself when I woke up this morning realising that you did not crossed my mind at all when the clock struck 12 last night. Last year, I almost forgot but didn't. This year I guess, you are finally out of my mind. I can finally stop feeling being obliged to be the first one to wish you every year. Although I did not wish you like every other years, I still hope that you had a great birthday because to me, you are always a little bit different from the others. A little bit more important, a little bit more special because you and I shared memories that others do not have. Happy Birthday, my old friend. May you have many many happy returns of the day, surrounded by your loved ones. =)
24th, The Eve
This year's eve wasn't planned at all. Dear and I only decided to meet up and then to follow the flow. Today started late - we said to meet by noon, but we ended up seeing each other at 7pm. Everywhere is full house at The Curve. Sis joined us for dinner, and due to her tight schedule we found an authentic Thai restaurant cum bar. I swear, that could have been on one of my top 5 list of worse dinner I've ever had. Not that the food tasted bad, but the music played almost burst my eardrums and the blinking lights (think of disco balls) got me into a headache. We ate as fast as we can and asked for the bill before I got myself deaf and blind on the eve. I can only say... This kind of ambience is only appropriate for clubbing, but not a dinner. Sister left after dinner, while dear and I went to shop around the flea market at The Street. Without realising, the clock strucked 12 and Christmas came. Our peaceful night came to a halt when friends called and asked to join them at Zouk. Then we clubbed the night away, with dear sleeping over at my place. Although things were unplanned, but we had great time together having each other as company.
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| Top: Candle light Xmas dinner with loud music & blinking lights, Bottom: We did ended up deafening ourselves at Zouk |
25th, The Day
It all started days before Christmas came...
... and so, I've got a date as promised. I was looking for a peaceful day after the happening night on the dance floor on the night before. The day started slowly with a simple lunch together, and sharing a bowl of Snowflakes as we missed it weeks ago due to a small car accident (well, not that I want to recall it). Today is a relaxing day as I had wished, with little walking and watching 2 movies back-to-back. Being sleep-deprived, I was sleepy in the cold, dark cinema, but resting my head on your shoulder seems to have made me feel less tired. Both "Sherlock Holmes" and "New Year's Eve" were good, I couldn't decide which is better as they are of a different genre.
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| Our first experience of GSC Signature falls on a rainy Christmas night |
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| *heart* receiving gifts - it's not about the value, it's the heart that counts =) |
It took me such a long time to find you a right gift, and finally I chose a watch which I think will look good on you, while you gave me a bottle full filled with stars, and promised me a star a day. I told you repetitively that I want the bottle to be full with stars, and you told me to be patient and will fill them up slowly (at least wait till your fingers are recovered from all the injuries from folding all these little sweet things). But, to think again, if our days are gonna end when the bottle is filled up (we are gonna graduate someday and part ways and you no longer will make me stars), I suddenly wish that the bottle cannot be filled full... I am not ready for a farewell, yet.
Just like that, Christmas ended. Simple yet memorable.
Someone just asked me this, "From STPM to A-levels... until Pharmacy today, your goal and vision is identical.. Why lost this time?"
Looking at this, I didn't know what to answer. Yes, I've came so far so why am I giving up now. I said "I thought I could see my future, but now I don't know what's my purpose anymore..."
Then he continued, "You are still seeing it, you are still walking towards it. Please don't go away at this moment. This is a 100km marathon run. You fell down here, maybe it's just another 1km ahead... By walk or by crawl also you need to reach the end point. Otherwise the previous 99km is meaningless. Maybe the coming paper can just let you walk another 10m further, but there's no reason to give up."
Suddenly I thought... Who am I to make people around me worried. Who am I to make friends come comforting me in the middle of the night. I told him "I promise I will try my best". He told me, "Not only do your best. I wish to see there's fire in both your eyes and heart :)"
To this, I can only say thank you, with no more words from me - because what I should do next is to strive harder to complete my 10m run tomorrow.
P/s: To an important someone, you will not run alone, because I'm with you.
To this, I can only say thank you, with no more words from me - because what I should do next is to strive harder to complete my 10m run tomorrow.
P/s: To an important someone, you will not run alone, because I'm with you.
I can hear Christmas bells ringing... It's only 10 days away from Christmas! Everything around me is Christmas-sy feel now ♥  |
| My current wallpaper, okayyy I'm a little |
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| My first Christmas gift of the year , pretty isn't it? ^^ |
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| Another early Christmas gift, cute & comfy neck rest |
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| And not to forget all the Christmas shopping for my loved ones, these are only a part of the buyings. I'm broke! |
If I am given a Christmas wish right now, I will wish for a graduation
A sprinkle of happiness today: I've got a Christmas date!
I'm giving you all my blessings...
I had been looking forward to this day, to meet your groom - the love of your life, and also to reunite with the long-time-no-see relatives. I miss the cousins, nephews, and nieces! Only on special occasions like these only we are able to meet. Relatives from Singapore, Segamat, and Seremban mostly came for this wedding dinner.
It feels like a KL-Selangor one day trip for sister and I. We rushed from place to place, doing various things. By the time we reached the restaurant for wedding dinner, we are totally exhausted. BUT, that didn't stopped us from snapping pictures.
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| My look of the night - *heart* the straightly blown hair |
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| He who made me smile with his way of talking and never-ending jokes =) |
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| Meet baby Hannah who caught my attention all night! Just can't leave my eyes off her =) |
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| My favourite nephew (he made our picture his profile pic in fb!) |
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| Lovely niece who will grow up into a pretty girl for sure ^^ |
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| I have to say, "You are the most beautiful bride I've ever seen" |
Thank God for giving me such a great family.
When I have family and friends that stand by me when I'm at my lowest moment,
When I have my dear to catch me from back if I fall,
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| Me, Bunnie, and Gongcha but you're not here... |
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| A comforting lunch with friends which lasted for 4 hours |
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| Another day with love - with lots of shopping, talking and sharing heart-to-heart |
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| The sisters *heart* Longchamp |
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| Gingerbread man and Bow are shhoooo cute! |
But somehow, the emptiness in heart can't be explained. I am sorry I do not know how to make myself feel better :(
Is it the tears or the tiredness...
When I know you are here to bring me an early Christmas.
I was serious when I said I didn't wanna share this with others as that moment only belonged to us.
Ever since the fall, my phone had never stopped ringing - from text messages to whatsapp to line to fb messages, and telephone calls. I know people around me are worrying about me, but I just do not have the mood to entertain any of them. If there is a choice, I would want to swallow myself into darkness and have zero contact with the outside world. The thought of graduating a year later is such a pain. The fact that I am to leave my my battle mates because I am too slow to catch up is even more pain. People keep on telling me not to give up and to stand up again after this fall. Me myself know that this is the right thing to do too, but doing is always harder than to say.
The reluctance to pick up my life led me to a complete different person. I do not care about others feelings, I do what I want. I can't listen to the words of concerns from other people, I do no bother to reply messages and phone calls. I was almost never home, as I was out everyday, everynight. I tired myself out every single night as I only came home in the morning and yet I couldn't put myself to sleep. My parents were worried for me, I know but I just couldn't help it. Friends cannot leave me alone as I'm such a mess. I do things I usually don't as if i am only living for today, like tomorrow never comes.
I see the worries in my parents' eyes. I see the concern from my siblings and friends. I know, even if I don't live for myself, I have to live for them. And so, I will try my very best to pick myself up, to pick up the bits and pieces of my shattered life and I will be my normal self again. I just need a little bit more time...
When I thought things are finally getting better, when I thought I could see the road ahead of me, reality tells me otherwise. I wasn't working hard enough, I wasn't good enough... That must be it. It was entirely my fault so I'm not blaming anyone nor blaming it to luck. I never believed in luck as I know when there's no effort, there's no gain. I told myself to work extra hard, to strive more than other people and yet I failed to do so. I failed my parents, my friends, and myself. So much so I do not believe in luck, I suddenly hope that miracle happens - like right now, right this moment.
Little comfort of the day: You came back for me, and the 100 missed calls were touching. Thanks.
When you told me to just listen, and do not say anything... I thought it would be hard to as I always have things to say about what you want to tell me. However, this time I am speechless, and felt totally helpless. I do not know what I can do to help you feel better, or maybe at least temporarily forget the pain.
The closest moment I am to a life and death situation, was when my grandfather passed away. I couldn't remember anything else other than his leaving during that year. I swear, that was the hardest 5 days for me ever. The moment I saw grandfather being wheeled out from the surgery room, with an expressionless face, I knew he's gone. My family, my relatives were all crying, but I alone stood there like I was being froze - couldn't speak a word, and tears wouldn't flow. I couldn't believe that he just left like that. I hoped it was all a dream - a very bad dream, and I would be awaken soon. We all went back to grandpa' house, the adults were busy preparing for the funeral - packing grandpa's favourite belongings so that those things can go with him. Then, realisation finally hits. I knew grandpa's gone forever. Midnight came, and I started weeping silently. I cried so hard that even breathing became difficult...
So, when you told me someone passed away - although I do not know that person, but from your messages I could feel your sadness. Your voice over the phone is a pain itself... You said it's really sad that she didn't experience much in life, and in my mind I thought "Yea.. and who am I to complain about so many little things in life...". Suddenly our conversation about my broken snow globe, about someone else poking into my life, about my quarrel with sister.. all seems so little, compared to life.
From now onwards, I shall learn how to appreciate life, treasure people around me, and count my blessings from time to time. Like how you know me, I am a crybaby (and you don't like it everytime I cry) - but this time I promise I'll try my best to keep my tears until its shed for something worthwhile. =)
The unsaid: Last night, your determination to stay back for me no matter how much I asked you to leave made me smile. Tonight, you had no choice but to leave, I still smiled because you told me you're gonna miss me while you're gone (although there's this tiny little feeling telling me, I'm losing you...)
After 24 days, 576 hours, 34,560 minutes, and 2,073, 600 seconds... I am finally free from exams! I've been waiting and dreading for this day to come ever since study break started. I wished I could have skipped the whole 2 weeks of exam and slept those weeks away, but I still went through the exams. No matter how the outcome is, I want to temporarily shut off my thoughts about exams - at least for this coming 2 weeks.
During exam days, I couldn't sleep for nights. Had an insomnia attacked and left me with puffy eyes + dark eye circles. I swore that I will replenish all the sleep I've missed, and yet... when exams finally ended... I was too excited to sleep, and can't wait to celebrate! And so... immediately after the last paper on Wednesday, my planning schedule is full of outings until the week ends. =)
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| Wednesday: The night when I'm done with exams - drinking session at our private hangout place |
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| Thursday: My date of the day =) |
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| Our sweet indulgence |
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| Thanks love for the souvenirs all the way from Hong Kong & Macau =)) |
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| Friday: The only photo we managed to snap, and yet still I needa steal from my dear's fb >.< |
These are not enough. More outings to come!
p/s: There is something still missing...
p/s: There is something still missing...
Yups... I am surrounded by November babies! (all in a family actually) Year end is always happening to me cause there are a lot of celebrations going on, and when November ends, it's time for Christmas, my favourite festive season. When there are celebrations, it means pressie-buying time, and that also means I gotta starve for the next few months... But, when I see their happy faces upon pressie-opening time, I feel it's all worth it =)
Celebrations of the year:
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| Sister's birthday on 08/11/11, Mum's birthday on 10/11/11 (Home & Victoria Station) p/s: Mum didn't wanna get into the picture >.< |
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| Brother's special birthday celebration on 11/11/11 (Double tree Hilton) |
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| My look of the night at Double Tree Hilton |
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| 3 mischievous siblings =) |
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| Beloved daddy and i =) |
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| My room mate for 20 years :p |
My recent favorite song...
My favorite line: 說不哭 眼淚卻止不住 畢竟曾擁有過你一段路
p/s: It made me thought of you...
It's an exception that I'm blogging in green today - because it's dearie's birthday! (well a belated post... actually, but am glad to have met her on her exact big-day) =)
To start off with this, I promised to write her a 1000 of touching words to compensate her for the short-written birthday card I gave her. And so here I am, trying to challenge my writing skills once more, maybe not 1000 words but sufficient to express what I wanna say...
"My Dear,
This year is a day that we obey to celebrate like how you said because your birthday falls on 1/11/11. And it also marks the 11th year of the starting of our friendship. Very memorable, huh? =)
During high school, we talked about our ambitions, our dreams. We longed for the years to past by and having our own cars and limitless freedom so that we can see each other more often. We imagined ourselves having boyfriends, looking forward to college life and can’t wait to grow up. And indeed, time didn’t wait for us… We’ve grown up, driving our own cars to college, had relationships and had break-ups. We were excited about our first loves, and had our hearts broken. Because of you, broken heart is mendable, and wounds can recover.
We being there for each other for all these years is a miracle. Our friendship itself is a magical bond. It is a wonder when it comes to u, where we can never get tired of seeing each other, and having endless topics to talk about. There were times when we almost drifted apart, but thank God we’ve pulled it altogether.
People say to strengthen a relationship, sometimes we need some quarrels and arguments. Now that I thought of it, we did had a very unhappy time in the past (if you still remembers), and that encounter taught me that I should appreciate this friendship. From that experience, I learnt from you that saying sorry is more important than self-ego, and how important it is to forgive and forget. Thank you my dear to have let me learned something valuable in the process of developing a trustworthy friendship between us.
It’s amazing how much of memories, ups and downs we’ve shared for the past one decade. It is a comfort to know that no matter how rough the road in front is, we know we will do just fine because at the end of the journey, we know we have someone who will always be there for us (like you and me). Thank you for being a friend, a companion, a sister – someone who wipes my tears when I cry, keeps me warm when I’m cold, lends me a shoulder to lean on when I’m tired, and catches me from the back when I fall.
So, on this very special day of yours, I wish for you endless happiness and joyful moments in life, and may all your dreams come true for every candles you’ve blown. (Oh, and more luck you need I guess *winks*)
Last but not least, I thank you, my dear for creating a presence in my life, being a part of my life. I love you. Always have, always will.”
As for the little celebration over a cuppa hot drink, and comfy late-afternoon chats... I'll let the pictures do the talking.
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| Can't hide my smile when I see her screaming in joy having to see Ms Diana as her birthday pressie (it's her wishlist!) |
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| Top: Her new toy - Missy Diana, and we love everything in white =) |
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Not to forget our self-shots =) |
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| And this is what I did... But I studied! (Only a slower progress.. >_<) |
Oh wait! It's not even close to a break... This only means I'm confined at home studying all day and all night before finals start. My ONLY motivations to study - to get my graduation cert and be done with uni life! And also, to realise a dream which belongs to us (my dear and I). To motivate me, she found these for me... So sweet of her =)
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| Top left: It's gonna be our future study room she said... And the others are for me to hypnotize myself into study mode. p/s: Can't wait for exams to end. Already thinking what to do after that.. :p |
On this day, my dear had an little accident... I know how upset she is and I feel I should be by her side, to giver her the warmth and support that she needs. I offered to pick her up from work, but she's working late and her colleague will send her home. But then, I know there's something I can do. I could drive out and at least create an opportunity to meet up. And so, while waiting for her to finish work... Starbucks is the best choice to sit around =)
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| Best companions ever - BFF and Bunnie |
I called dear when she's about to off work and told her I was at Cheras. I could hear her voice talked in rush excitement - I knew I made the right choice to come out. While waiting some more for her to reach, I did a little pampering by buying her a Creme Brulee Macchiato, just to make her feel a little bit better.
I never attempted to ask dear to be more happy, nor ask her to be more positive - because I knew what she needed at the moment is to complain, and rant, and curse on everything. When tomorrow comes, she'll be the cheerful girl again. Eventhough we were complaining about all the unfortunate events that happened to us, we could still laugh and joke. And I think, that's what are friends for - to be able to laugh together no matter how bad things are. We are just there to support each other even if the sky falls.
And tonight, together we made an agreement...
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| We can still have a little fun although there's only 3 of us :p |
Other than the agreement, we taught ourselves the top 5 ways to cry when we are upset...
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| Dear's Creme Brulee Macchiato are full of her writings... |
And lastly, not to forget the pictures of the night...
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| Although we were wore dark color clothings, but we always carry our smiles whenever we are together =) |
Joy of the night: I received 2 "Thank You" messages from both my dear and BFF, because I brought them laughter, they said.
But little did they know, I was even more happier to see them smiling broadly.
But little did they know, I was even more happier to see them smiling broadly.
Sunday is a day for relaxing and chilling at home - for most people I guess. To recharge and rejuvenate to face the first working/studying of the week (Monday). I only had 3 hours of sleep on the night before, and I know I can always choose to stay at home, sleeping away for the rest of the day... Like many other people. But, Sunday has another meaning to me. Sunday = family day. A day should be spent fully with my loved ones no matter how tired I am.
Although waking up being cranky and groggy, seeing the beautiful weather made me smile. It has been sometime since I see clear blue skies with white clouds. It's good to breath in fresh air... My mood was lifted up almost immediately.
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| No way I can still feel sleepy at this beautiful weather =) There's an arranged lunch today with the relatives from daddy's side. I grew up alongside with the cousins from mummy's side so I am not close with the cousins from daddy's side. However, as I grew up I learnt the importance of a family, and I made a lot of effort to be close with them, to keep in touch eventhough sometimes it means I have to make the initiative (I am not a very friendly person in fact...). Over the years, I've develop some bonding with them and I'm proud of myself for being able to stay close with my family. Happiest event of the day: Seeing my niece and nephew. Although baby boy was soooo manja that he wouldn't leave my side and keep on wanting me to carry him for the whole day, I am still happy with my aching arms for the next 2 days. |
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| They made me forget about my tiredness temporarily |
The day was completed with a perfect dinner with only daddy, mummy, bro, and sis. I have been awake for more than 15 hours after only 3 hours of sleep... I still feel bliss. Thank you God for sending me a perfect family. =)
Waking up feeling amazed over Westlife's concert from the night before, things couldn't be more happier than to gather with old friends, having a relaxing Saturday brunch. Since it's Missy Catherine's birthday a few days before - I've decided to buy her a birthday cake. It's been years since the last time I celebrated her birthday with her.
I couldn't recognize her at the first sight because she has a super long hair now! I love her in this hair, Beautiful =)
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| Birthday girl! And I spotted her watch, she and her Hello Kitty craze :p |
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| Great companions during A-level days... |
....since I see them in person. I've never thought I could be in love with a boy band for such a long long time. Well, long enough that they are no longer a boy band. They are way over the age of being boys, and I too have grown up. I was in my secondary school days when I first saw them in the field having a friendly football match with our Malaysia team. While being a Malaysian, I was supposed to be shouting and supporting my country, but how could I when Shane was in sight. =)
9 years ago, dear, cousie and I went for this match. 9 years later, 3 of us again (die-hard Westlife fans) were there at the stadium to watch Westlife Gravity Tour 2011. I cheered at their appearance, smiled and sang along when I heard familiar songs that accompanied me throughout my years of growing up, and listened quietly during the slow songs. Slowly, my mind drifted away... It's like there's no one else around. Their songs were soothing to my ears, as always...
Highlight of the night: A live proposal on stage! I've never seen anyone proposed before (the kneeling on the ground while saying "Will you marry me?") and neither I've seen anyone being proposed to. And on this special night, I've witnessed a little bit of romance happening in the realistic life of ours.
My song (sadly they didn't sing this in the concert),
Once, I was the queen of your heart... And I thank you for that
p/s: For a moment, I left my heart in the stadium, reluctant to leave...
Dearie,
The first thought I had when I heard this song is you... Sometimes I find it hard to believe that we've been there for each other for all these years. Just so you know, I'll always be here for you, now and always.
p/s: This reminds me so much of Twins's Kite and Wind - the one we learnt so hard to sing together =)
I feel like I've back to my secondary school life - even for the briefest moment. Today's activities are just like the exact ones I did during that time. I couldn't remember how long ago was my last touch of basketball. I couldn't remember if I really ever knew how to play it. Standing at the basketball court holding the ball somehow time-traveled me back to those care-free days, where my girlfriends and I spent most time playing and fooling around after school hours. The memories of playing basketball together, going to the library, buying fruits at the school canteen... All came back like it was just yesterday.
But, in reality.. Many years had gone by. People around me had changed. I had lost contact with many of the friends in my past. I, myself had changed too. More grown up I would say, more matured. Losing contact with my friends is one thing i can never get used to, no matter how many times it happened. I understand that when we reach some point of life, people around us move on and we part ways. So, to my friends I'm having now... I'll make the best of it before we move on to the next stage of life where we will lose each other.
To my dear, we'll somehow find a way to realise our goal someday, the one we've been dreaming for for years...
To my close friends, we'll create as many happy memories as we can.
To Step G., we'll try hard to reunite although we are parting ways next year.
And lastly, to my BFF, we'll make some changes so that one day when I cross ur mind u will find that I've made a difference in your life... Like how u did to mine.
I promised him (The Best Friend) that I will sleep by 1am tonight, but I have a sudden urge to post this up - like right now, immediately. I am always like this when it comes to blogging. I can only post when my writing mood falls at the right place, and right time.
Our friendship is developing fast, in just a few months we found us confiding in each other - having heart-to-heart talks, which I find it amazing myself as I am not a person who opens up easily. The reason behind is because I find him thinking very alike to me, sometimes I think he can read my mind *creeps* What triggers me to write this tonight at this hour (even reluctant to sleep) is because... I suddenly realise, our friendship might come to an end soon... not as literally end but we won't be as close as now in the future as we will part ways. So, this post will be kept as a memory =)
There are many times I was surprised by the way he replies me... Our conversation leads me remembering every word he said as those words did touched me deeply. He can say things like "If u die.. I'll die with u...", "I actually trust u more than anyone", "I just got up.. Dont feel like replying anyone except u". And each time he said those things, i know he meant every word.
But, there was one particular conversation which left me teary eye... I didn't know why I teared but maybe because I was emotional that night, and he calmed me down.
Me: G**** can't always be with u right?
BFF: Yea...
Me:Will u bu shi de if I leave someday?
BFF: Of course.. but i believe u won't disappear
ME: What if I do someday?
BFF: I trust u wont
Me: If? Will I be forgiven?
BFF: If.. I trust u will reappear.. I trust u.. I dont really trust people
Me: Even someday u find me betraying ur trust?
BFF: Will u?
Me: Well.. No one knows the future...
BFF: I trust u won't, if u really betray me, I trust u will have a very good reason...
His faith in me left my vision blurred with tears while I stared at the phone. I didn't know that someone could trust me this much (except for my dear of course...). It's his determination to trust me that touched me. Somehow I wish his determination is not only until this extend. I wish he has more faith in himself. I hope that he can believe that he deserves better and not always only wishing the best for someone else instead of himself. He is a person with a complex mind, where he has difficulty simplifying things I guess. He has a lot of thoughts running in his mind every now and then, and he gives me the feeling of he's constantly upset, but trying to put up a strong front, a happy face. And these few nights, I know.... he's really really upset. Please do cheer up, my dear friend! Do remember, no one will be as important to you as yourself should be.
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| Companion for drinkssss... |
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| He who needs multiple alarms to wake himself up, but can wake as early as 6am to morning call me... |
This kind of best friend... Where to get one? =)
